Thoughts Of A Gentle Woman

 Book 201

1 Peter 3:9 - 9. Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing; but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

Sherri went down to our M O T H E R S grave to check on things, and to see if anything was disturbed on the grave. So far so good, nothing was disturbed on the grave. Everything was intacted! I was truly glad of that. I wish that my sister would of let me know when she was going to our M O T H E R S grave. I would of liked to visit too. But...her visit put me into thought about the solar light that she ordered for our M O T H E R. Maybe that's why Sherri went out there, because personally, you couldn't get Sherri to go out to our M O T H E R S grave for anything, because of her thinking about her all the time without a break.

Lorenzo told me that Sherri took it rough out there while on their visit to M O T H E R S grave. As much as I think of the memories we shared with my M O T H E R, I don't think it would get any easier for us when it comes to the grieving process. Then, I think about Sherri and what she must be going through living so close to graveyard, and knowing that our M O T H E R is buried out there. She want her husband Lorenzo to move her away from being near the graveyard, even though she's almost quarter of a mile away from it. Sherri told me once that she would never be straight from our M O T H E R dying like she did with no one around her because of the pandemic back in 2020. 

I guess being as close as she is to the graveyard, I can truly understand why she feel the way she do about living so close. It has been hard on all of us as a very small version of our immediate family. Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I are all we have from our immediate family. I still wished that Sherri would of told me that she was visiting our M O T H E R. I wanted to go as long as someone was near, because I still can't go out into the graveyard on my own right now. I am so glad that everything was intact. Nothing was disturbed on my M O T H E R S grave and I am happy about that. 

What A Blessing To Receive In A Walker

 Book 200 - Special Edition Post - I thank you JESUS for my 200th Post

Ephesians 1:3 - 3. Blessed be the GOD and Father of our LORD Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly place in Christ.

Wow! I am so thankful to my LORD JESUS Christ for blessing me with a not new, but a used walker. I was just thinking about a walker on my way back home to the shelter I stay in for now until I get me and my son Zachary a place to stay. I could not believe what I saw in the door way of the shelter. There were three walkers and I have already chosen on of the walkers that would support my back most of all. It was like this particular walker was waiting on me to grab it just like the one in the picture above. I praised JESUS for the walker that was made for me, since I forgot my cane at my sister Sherri and brother in law Lorenzo's house. 

I feel my M O T H E R would of been proud to see a nice walker like the one I now own. I have been thinking of my M O T H E R a lot lately, my F A T H E R included. It's not a day I don't think about the both of them. My F A T H E R would of been proud to see the walker I have as well. I am going to practice folding it up and placing it inside my car for security. I can't wait to show my sister that fine walker with back support. 

It was just what I needed to be secure and comfortable. M O T H E R...F A T H E R, if there was anything in the world like the walker I have, I would of given it to either parent. The one that need it the most! Thank you JESUS for my fine used walker. I got it cleaned up and ready to go for it's first run.  

Never A Day Missed I Don't Think About My M O T H E R

 Book 198

Exodus 20:12 -12.Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

What I share with ever one of my family members is the memories of a legend. "A Legend Of Love" my M O T H E R Ruth Ann Brunson. There is not a day I don't think about my M O T H E R. She is kind of tough to get over with every ounce in my body I can take. She was the light that shined bright in our hearts, and I will never forget the memories she left behind for us to cherish.

She was a soldier in the army of GOD and his son JESUS. All the battles my M O T H E R when through, my pilots fought them all for her so that she could have peace with in her heart, mind, and soul. She also stayed silent about the things that hindered her, but she didn't let foolish things get to her, no matter what the happened or who did it to her. My M O T H E R was a pro at letting things go without hate or haste. She prayed and prayed unconditionally to GOD and his son JESUS about the burdens that was instilled on her at that brief moment in her life. A soldier of our pilots above!

My Mother was a "Legend Of Love" and you can never get no better than that in a lifetime if you give your love unconditionally; even weathering the storm that blow you around like a piece of cardboard. My M O T H E R been through every possible storm there is to go through. 35 plus years was enough for my M O T H E R. "It was enough for her!" She can now rest in the glory of GOD and his son JESUS. I am thankful for that!

What Is To Be Lonely In The Hospital

 Book 193 

John 8:16 - 16. And yet if I judge, my judgement is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.

I am informing everyone about my stay in the hospital 🏨 so that I can so I can basically get some kind of rest 🛌 and relaxation, besides catching bronchitis 😪👃👄👅 While I am recuperating from bronchitis, I am going to write about my feelings that I am experiencing 😐 I am really thinking about my M O T H E R and how she felt after her major stroke, and how she came through it was a true blessing 🙏🏾 What I am trying to say is about how she felt being alone for approximately two months after she was admitted to the hospital 🏨 during the the time 🕛 when COVID 19 was so bad during the early part of 2020 four months before her death 💀  I was starting to feel just like she felt 😢 alone and abandoned 😣 Now I know the feeling when family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 can't come to visit 🕥  

Only one person can come to visit me, mask included 😷 No other family member can visit 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 This is the rules that the hospital 🏨 set to keep everyone safe, even if everyone who has gotten vassenated 💉for COVID19 Virus 💀 M O T H E R was alone throughout her stay in the hospital 🏨 No one could visit her at all, because of the effectiness and the extent of the COVID19 virus during the early part of 2020 💀 So I can imagine my M O T H E R feeling alone and succluded from her family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

This is the way I feel, and it doesn't feel good at all 😣 I really miss my family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 even though, it's only been only three days since I have been hospitalized 🏨 I hope I never feel the fate of being alone again, because it's a bad feeling to feel when you don't have your family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 near you for support 👩‍❤️‍👨 and during the time 🕥 when you're down and out; like my M O T H E R was 😣 Only the hospital staff became her makeshift family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 a little before she before she died in their presence 💀 I still could not get close to my M O T H E R even though when I was finally allowed by the hospital 🏨 to see her just before the doctors and nurses removed her from life support 💀 

I am waiting to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 even though my M O T H E R didn't get that opportunity to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 I am blessed 🙏🏾 to have the opportunity to go home 🏡 to recuperate there 😃 I feel that my M O T H E R really didn't die 💀 alone, but with the presence of Christ, my LORD 🙏🏾 she wasn't alone, and she was at peace ✌🙌 I feel good about that 😊

Broken With Sentimental Value

 Book 191 - Special Edition Post 

Psalms 147:3 - 3. He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

How can anyone break something so "Sentimental" to us? This was a heart that wasn't meant to be broken for 8 years past its expiration date. Then you have someone at the cemetery where my M O T H E R is buried, brake what was sentimental and precious to me and the rest the family. "What does it take for someone to care about someone's property?" Maybe so...that one day, someone will care about the dead in GOD and his son JESUS, and the family who gave great thought in placing a "heart" that was beautifully engraved with the most beautiful name in the world to me, Ruth Ann Brunson. 

I was so hurt when I saw my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light when my brother in law Lorenzo brought from the cemetery. I got to admit, I was pretty upset with the cemetery grounds keeper for breaking my M O T H E R S heart solar light. He said, "That there was to be nothing stuck in the grounds of the cemetery as he mowed the ground" and common sense would of told him to pick up the solar and place it on top of my M O T H E R S vault; my family and I would of understood more without all the animosity that came with broken hearts that crumbled into reality. My family and I can't fix what was broken, or its past that was so sentimental to us. We are owed an explanation and that's all that there was to it. 

My brother Wesley suggested that he would have a talk with the cemetery grounds keeper about my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light. I gave in my two cents to sum of the cause for Wesley to relay the message. I don't mean to be upset with the cemetery grounds keeper, but...I had a reason to be with every ounce in my body, heart and soul without tooT my haste. I questioned the thought. I said...and I quote, "What if...and I meant what if someone were to brake something that was sentimental to him?" 

Should this man cry wolf? I thought not! Because...when it came to our property value of my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light, I think that the cemetery grounds keeper should pay my family and I for our grief by saying "sorry" for the inconvenience, because... GOD know he wasn't going to pay us back for what broken in the base of our minds and in our hearts. My M O T H E R S solar hear can be replaced, but...my family I chose not too for its expensive, just it case it gets broken again. We did not want that fate on our conscience again with haste. All we want is peaceful beginnings as we move on with our lives as we see fit. 

The Wisdom Of Zachary

 Book 187 - Special Edition Post From Zachary To Me

Job 28:12-28 - 12. But where shall wisdom be found/? And where is the place of understanding? 13, Man knoweth not the price thereof; neither is it found in the land of the living. 14, The depth saith, it is not in me; and the sea saith, it is not with me. 15. It cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighted for thereof. 16. It cannot be valued with the gold of Ophir, with the precious onyx, or the sapphire. 17. The gold and the crystal cannot equal it. and the exchange of it shall not be for jewels of the gold. 18. No mention shall b made of coral, or of pearls for the price of wisdom is above rubies. 19. The topaz of Ethiopia shall not equal it, neither shall it be valued with pure gold. 20. Whence then cometh wisdom? And where is the place of understanding? 21. Seeing it is hid from the eyes of all living, and kept close from the fowls of the air. 22. Destruction and death say, we have heard the fame thereof with our ears. 23. GOD understandeth the way thereof, and he knoweth the place thereof. 24. For he looketh to the ends of the earth, and seeth under the whole heaven. 25. To make the weight for the winds, and he weigheth the waters by measure. 26. When he made a decree for the rain, and a way for the lighting of the thunder. 27. Then did he see it, and declare it, he prepared it, yea, and searched it out. 28. And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the LORD, that is wisdom, and to depart from evil is understanding.

 

I never thought I will hear wisdom by its character until I heard it from my son Zachary on this day April 3, 2021. I was having a terrible and an extreme bad patch about my M O T H E R. I was in shambles, not knowing what I was going to do without my M O T H E R in my presents. I cried out to my M O T H E R in a hurtful and painful cry, because I miss her so much. How my son's wisdom to acknowledge what he addressed to me started when my twin sister Sherri had told me what I had not expected her to say. 

She told me of the times our M O T H E R would just lay on her, not knowing that she was sick and fatigued from being sick, kind of struck a nerve in me almost immediately thinking that she was just fatigue, when in fact she was really sick. I cried for a brief moment thinking about the time our M O T H E R had also layed on my shoulder not knowing she was sick. It took all the strength out of me at that particular moment. I could not do anything else. I was stuck in that moment of grief knowing what I didn't know that my M O T H E R had suffered a sickness beyond the fact of her diabetes, her renal failure, and other things that was going on with her. 

I told my sister that I had to leave, because...I did not want to cry in front of her. I got up after Zachary had left out of my brother-in-law's mother's house to join him out in our car. I started to cried out for my M O T H E R in a rage, not out of anger, but...with a strong hurt in my heart, because of the thought of my M O T H E R laying on my shoulder, because...she was in fact sick, and that I miss my her so much knowing what I know now. Then all of a sudden...wisdom showed its face in a heartbeat through my son Zachary. What he said to me left me to only think twice about my grief for my M O T H E R. Here is what he told me! He told me this: "Mom...your M O T H E R is not hurting anymore and that she's not at the end of the road in just a grave, but...she is in the present of GOD and his son JESUS. My grandmother isn't hurting anymore. She would not want you to be grieving for her. She want you to celebrate her life as she lived it. Your M O T H E R had a mission on this earth like the rest of us. Her mission to live for the LORD is done and she was called home to GOD and his son JESUS. We too are not here for the long hall, we are here until our number is called. We are not here to stay." I was totally in shock of how much Zachary paid attention to thing I didn't know he was paying attention to.

Zachary gave me an ear full and then some about life. This 14 year old so full of wisdom to tell me what he told me is totally phenomenal. "I have a gift in Zachary!" A kid with Autism. I am never going to forget the awesomeness of his wisdom to me. 

I stopped crying immediately, and celebrated my M O T H E R S life when she was on this earth. It was like a reality check that my son had given me to think about. I will never doubt my son about what he knows about Christ our LORD, and his father, GOD. Zachary gave me an ear full and then some. All I could do is smile and accept what my 14 year old son had told me was nothing but the truth. 

I am never going to forget how wisdom got the best of my son in a awesome was to acknowledge. I am in celebration of my M O T H E R S life, even though...there will be some days that I will in fact cry out for my M O T H E R. And when I do, I am going think about the wise wisdom my son Zachary shared with me. It's a reality check from son to think about. I am very proud of him!

Ruth's Legacy Of Love Continues On In Spirit

 Book 183 - Special Edition Post

Ruth 4:11 - 11. And all the people that were in the gate, and the elders said, "We are the witnesses". The LORD make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and Leah. Which two did build the house of Israel and do thou worthily in Ephrata, and be famous in Bethlehem.

Psalms 78:4 - 4. We will not hide them from our children, she sing to the generation to come the praised of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. 

Psalms 145:4 - One generation shall praise the works to another, and shall declare they acts.

I got some wonderful news to tell my viewers and posters. I happy to announce that my niece Octavia company is now official. She named her 18 wheeler truck after my M O T H E R. It is called, "Ruth's Legacy Trucking, LLC." That give a nice ring to the most beautiful name in the whole world. 

I cried when I saw my M O T H E R S picture, the day she was born (Alpha) and the day she died (Omega) and then Ruth's Legacy Trucking, LLC on my nieces truck. My sister Sherri and I did not expect to see nothing but the name Ruth's Legacy Trucking, LLC, that's it! All that I knew that it made me cry tears of joy. Octavia travels with my M O T H E R in spirit. It's like my M O T H E R journeying in time, but...in spirit.

I am proud of Octavia for everything she does when she drive her truck around the country in memory of my M O T H E R. So beautiful! 

Healing A Bad Patch

 Book 178

Malachi 4:2 - 2. But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and he shall go forth ANF grow up as calves of the stall.

Luke 9:11 - 11. And the people when they knew it, followed him: and he received them, and spend unto them of the Kingdom of GOD, and healed them that had need of healing.

1 Corinthians 12:9 - 9. To another faith the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit.

As usual on a Monday evening when I go out to my son Zachary football practice to watch him practice until he was finished practicing. While I sat there watching my son, my mind was in thought of my M O T H E R...only a brief moment. I remember a time when she sat in the exact spot where I was sitting, just watching her grandson practice and enjoying herself. It's hard sometimes not having my M O T H E R in my presents, or to the point where I could talk to her in person. I know GOD and his son JESUS took her home to be with them, but...sometimes I feel that I am totally alone without a care in the world for me to fathom that I exist. 

That's the way I feel sometimes, like I am not there in reality. On a Monday, I was in Wal-Mart Christmas shopping when I saw a woman on a motor car inside the store. With the strain of my eyes, I thought I saw my M O T H E R on that motor car riding towards me. For a minute my mind was out of reality of the fact that my M O T H E R was dead. I started riding towards this woman with a smile on my face, then I came to reality when I understood that the woman was not in fact my M O T H E R. My M O T H E R in reality was deceased. 

I immediately started crying out so loud until this man and woman came towards me like they wanted to console me. They asked was I alright. I told them I will be alright. I told them that,  I'll be fine. Two days later, the though of my M O T H E R that Monday evening stayed with me after seeing that woman in Wal-Mart. On Thursday I had a really bad patch about my M O T H E R. She was totally on my mind. I remember when I got into an argument with her over certain things; minor things that didn't make no sense to me.

I found that after my M O T H E R died, I never got the chance to apologize to her, or tell her that I loved her with all of my heart. That fate ate away with me, and I cry to the point that my blood pressure rises. I have been living with the guilt of that for quite sometime, until my brother Wesley and my sister-in-law Neyome invited me come and join their church. I joined and I got Baptised so that my sins can be washed away. And then...Wesley explained to me about my baptism. When you are baptized under GOD, all of your sin are washed away, including my guilt of not apologize to my M O T H E R when I had the chance. 

I now feel better about my indiscretions when it came to my apology to my M O T H E R. My LORD had already forgiven my sin. I feel that a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I now see that my M O T H E R can now rest in peace. I feel much better where I am. I find myself a Christian for GOD and his son JESUS. 

It feels good to be where I need to be and worship with people are warm and loving towards me, no matter what color you are. I am proud to be a part of the congregation for Christ our LORD. The memories of my M O T H E R will stay with me for the rest of my life. I can tell here, " I love her" anytime, even though she has gone home to glory where she will never suffer pain, or the pain of her dialysis; she will never cry again about anything. My M O T H E R is happy living with the LORD, and I am happy about that.

Memories

 Book 177

 

Philippians 1: 3 – 5 – 3. I thank my GOD upon every remembrance of you. 4. Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy. 5. For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now. 

As I look outside my nieces apartment, I see a lot of rain pouring down fiercely without an end in sight. My joints ache from the coldness of the weather along with a touch of arthritis. I see myself not moving an inch out into this kind of weather due to my condition. I hear that it is a storm brewing out in the Gulf of Mexico. Its name is Eta. 

I better get set for the storm. I am going out later on today to buy some supplies just in case the storm hit again here in Florida. I know that the Florida Keys had been affected by the storm and I just want to prepare just in case it makes a direct turn and it hits Florida again. I am sitting here thinking while I am thinking of about the storm Eta; I thinking about my M O T H E R S grave and the flowers that are still intact. Maybe, I should go out and remove those flowers, so that they don't fly away just in case the storm hit Florida again. 

It is a lot to think about during this day; my M O T H E R S grave and her flowers affected by this "Greek" letter storm. I guess I find my M O T H E R grave accessories very important, because they were apart of her and her burial. I don't want them to fly about during a potential storm if it hits here in Florida again. It may sound odd to everyone who reads this post, but...my M O T H E R S earthly grave possessions mean everything to me, because...they were a part of her and her burial and I want to protect them in any way I can. 

I also find myself in deep thought of her, even with a dry face. No tears in sight! I can't help but miss her with every ounce of my heart. M O T H E R will be missed terribly, even throughout the upcoming holiday seasons. I truly believe Christmas will be the toughest on my family. I remember a time when my M O T H E R use to sit on the couch and watch Sherri and I cook up our Christmas dinner and her always sampling our cooking. My family and I will miss that with our Queen, my M O T H E R, because it will never be the same, ever.

The one thing I will always miss about my M O T H E R is that she would always have her Christmas shopping done way ahead of time before everyone else get their Christmas shopping started. She was very punctual about her time and the way she did things. I admired that from my M O T H E R! I will most definitely miss that about her majorly. Thanksgiving is coming up. There is a lot of things to do and prepare for and I know that it would be a holiday that I will cherish in memory of my M O T H E R S cornbread dressing that she use to make so good.

The cornbread would be just right according to my M O T H E R S hand in making the best dressing ever. She would always cut up the chicken gizzards very fine and with all the seasons she used they were just right to perfection. M O T H E R S giblet gravy; it was phenomenal! I don't think anyone can make an extraordinary gravy like my M O T H E R did. She would be also greatly missed during the Thanksgiving holiday along with her famous cornbread dressing and I forgot her fruit salad he use to make. 

Those sweet touches my M O T H E R she use to put towards what she made according to food; I don't think I will ever know how to make cornbread dressing just like her, or her fruit salad. She took that with her to her grave and I know I will never retrieve those great recipes ever again. I know that I will have to do my best to make a good cornbread dressing or a fruit salad. My M O T H E R S genious in her cooking will never faulter in my mind, because...they will always be my greatest memories of her. GOD and his son JESUS help me to cope with the fact that my M O T H E R S death and just cherish the memories I have of her, because...it is all I have of her in an instant. 

 from her ever again. 

Just Reminiscing Life

 Book 176

Genesis 19:17 - 17. And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for they life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain lest thou be consumed. 

Genesis 45:5 - 5. Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither; for GOD did send me before you to preserve life. 

Maybe I should stop talking about my M O T H E R for a while, because I like to keep a non grieving head on my shoulders. Don't get me wrong, but...everyone has a right to grieve for their loved ones. It is just I get so tired of crying my eyes out each and everyday. Yes, I do miss my M O T H E R very much; just as much as I miss my F A T H E R. I am trying to find something else to talk about here on this blog of mines.

Let's see...what to say? Perhaps, let me talk about why I am still up so late in the wee hours of the morning? I answer is obvious! My insomnia is acting up! Most of the times I cannot sleep, especially with the anxiety attacks I have to the point I awake out of my sleep and I cannot breathe sometimes. 

I have to take deep breathes to regain consciousness; and I find myself blessed to have received my consciousness required by GOD and his son JESUS. Thank GOD and his son JESUS I took my meds. Sometimes I miss taking my meds and I find myself not thinking about the importance in taking my meds. GOD and his son JESUS show me that I need to take better care of myself and balance my diabetes, so that my A1C's can resume a 6 or 7 on the charts and those are the best readings. Sometimes I do think of my M O T H E R and how she kept herself up with her diabetes and other underline issues she had just before she had her stroke unto her death. 

I am so thankful to GOD and his son JESUS for giving me that chance to live, but...I need to take better care of myself, so that I don't end killing myself. GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time. I am going to work on myself and get better with my diabetes. I think I am going to make this post short and I think I will get ready and prepare myself for bed, because...I am a bit tired and sleepy. I had to talk about myself and not so much about my M O T H E R and F A T H E R, even though I miss them very much.

An Unfounded Dose Of Betrayal

 Book 172

Mark 11:25 - 25. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any; that your Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses

One day niece, you will know what it feel like to be betrayed by the one that suppose to love you unconditionally. One day niece, you will know what it feel like to be ignored when you call out to that person by their name and that person keeps walking away from you without listening to what you had to say to them and them without uttering a sound. One day niece, you will know what it feel like for you to want a hug and that person tells you that "they don't want that hug, or they don't want to talk to you, or they don't want you to touch them and they just walk out to door so full of resentment against you because...they found a indiscretion that you did that they didn't like." Understand niece, how it feels to be betrayed by the person you thought suppose to love you no matter what circumstances hit over the horizon. After all said and done, your eyes are so full of tears, because...you can't fathom the thought of what you did that was so wrong that person seem to carry so much hate. 

Yes...the facts are mutual that it is a love/hate relationship this person carries for you that you can't understand why they are doing this you when all you did was to love them with all of your might. One day niece, you are going to ask yourself, "Why did I do this to the one that loves me unconditionally without thinking twice." One day niece, you are going to imagine the thought of what you done to bring unhappiness, tears, and depression to the one who only want to reason with you when you said, "I didn't utter a greeting to you that morning, when it was obvious that you get the same greeting every morning you enter the front room. Now, it is time that I give you niece an ultimatum! How you carried yourself that morning was totally unfounded and it was betrayal to you've endured on me when all you would of received is love unconditionally. 

All this boils down to niece was all you had to do was to tell me my indiscretion straight forward and that indiscretion would of made a 360 to your satisfaction. All that could of been worked out accordingly if only you didn't have that kind of demeanor you had that morning. I didn't know how to come at you, because of this demeanor you carried so graciously. "It was scary to fathom how you were feeling that morning niece!" I will say this, "How you treated me as a elder...you had no right to treat me like that otherwise, because...I am a elder...and you treat your elders with respect." 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, you did not administer that thought. You just walked out the door in haste, and with that haste, you will reap the consequences and the repercussions of your actions. One day niece, you will know what that feel like to want love and you can't receive it. There was one thing I was told niece, and here is what I was told by someone that was also suppose to close to me when I had no one else to turn to but my self. "My daughter loves you very much!" 

Well here is my saying to the one that suppose to be close to me when I didn't have no one to turn to or to back me up when it comes to being decieved and betrayed. "If I was truly loved, everything I said in this post, would of never came to past." That's not love if a person ignores you when all you wanted to do was to talk to them and they keep walking away from you without listening to that word you had to say them; and what was so hurting, was that they tell you that say they didn't want a hug from you and that they didn't want to talk to you; and most of all...acted like they didn't want you to touch them and they walk straight out the door with that kind of haste is not love. That in itself is hate and it is total betrayal!  

Memories of a M O T H E R

 Book 170

Copyright © 2020 By Author:Terri Celestine Brunson. All Rights Reserved

Synopsis:  This post is totally personal to me. I felt I had to write and tell everyone how I feel when it comes to losing my M O T H E R. It is about love, grief, and pain. I pray I can someday be eased of the pain I feel and move on with my life. 

Ephesians 6:1 - 24 - 1. Children, obey your parents in the LORD for this is right. 2. Honor they father and mother which is the first commandment with promise. 3. That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 4. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the LORD. 5. Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear trembling in the singleness of your heart , as unto Christ. 6. Not with eyeserivice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ doing the will of GOD from the heart. 7. With good will doing service, as to the LORD and not to men. 8. Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the LORD whether he be bond or free. 9. And ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your master also is in Heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him. 10. Finally, my brethren, be strong in the LORD and in the power of his might. 11. Put on the whole armour of GOD, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of GOD, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the brestplate of righteousness; 15. And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace: 16. Above all, taking the shield of fatih, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword the spirit which is the word of GOD. 18. Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the spirit and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; 19. And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make know the mystery of the gospel. 20. For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly as I ought to speak. 21. But that ye also may know my affairs, and how I do, Tychicus a beloved brother and faithful minster in the LORD, shall make know to you all things. 22. Whom I have sent unto you for the same purpose, that ye might know our affairs, and that he might comfort your hearts. 23. Peace be to the brethren and love with faith from GOD the Father and the LORD Jesus Christ. 24. Grace be with all them that love our LORD JESUS Christ in sincerity. Amen (To the Ephesians written from Rome, by Tychicus) 

No one could never replace my M O T H E R. My feelings are mutual when it comes to her. It was hard to see her without life in her body, but... to know that her soul is in Heaven, I know it! My M O T H E R was a "Legion of Love" and she was loved by everyone, known or unknown. She carried that sweet heart and sweet spirit everywhere she went.

When my M O T H E R went to glory on August 8, 2020, part of me went with her. It is hard to imagine life without my "Queen" but...with the help of GOD and his son JESUS, she helped guide me on the right path of righteousness. I acknowledge that very much to everyone who reads this post. My M O T H E R did so much for me, I can never repay her for what she has done for me in my lifetime. I miss times when me, my twin sister Sherri and I went to her favorite store "Ross." She would go into that store and get buried in the clothes in a heartbeat, while searching for that one dress to add to her collection of many dresses she had in her closet. 

Two hours she is in the store, while Sherri and I try to pull her out of the clothes. That was hard to do of course! But...Sherri and I let our M O T H E R shop as long as wanted to satisfy her needs to find a dress, or several dresses she wanted for church. My M O T H E R always shopped for a dress for church and other occasions that she was considering taking part of. She loved to shop that is all I got to say for a woman who dressed to perfection. 

I miss the times whenever Sherri, her husband Lorenzo, my son Zachary, and I would take a stroll in Lorenzo's SUV and we would go to Walmart, or to the Wawa, the fish market to buy fresh fish, or just riding around until the sunset over the horizon, my M O T H E R would always be in tow, no matter what. She was never left home...never! My M O T H E R was never lonely; never wanting to be alone. She basically rode all over the globe, especially when it came to traveling regional and international. My M O T H E R was ready and willing to travel with her suitcases already packed. I will miss that time with my M O T H E R the most. 

She loved hanging out with her classmates; since, she was on the executive board with planning Social gatherings: Banquets, Christmas Party's, Breakfasts celebration at the Recreation Center, or just getting  together with her classmates communicating about things that they loved and cherish. Either me, or Sherri would take our M O T H E R to these events. We never mind it at all, because...that was our M O T H E R. My thought...whatever benefits her enjoyment, Sherri and I made sure she had the luxury of getting there and having a awesome time at each event. 

My M O T H E R never quit, no matter how she felt being on dialysis, having diabetes, or feeling a little faint, that 70 year old woman would always push herself to beat all odds no matter how she was really feeling. I admired her strength totally in my heart. There were days when I thought I would not make it, and my M O T H E R was kicking boldly the rocks at full speed. I found myself honored and proud to have had "Mrs. Ruth Ann Thomas-Brunson" as my M O T H E R. My thoughts are totally clear when I carry this monologue I had about my M O T H E R. 

I can talk about her all day and stretching it out to the four winds of faith and peace when it came putting all my love I had for my M O T H E R, and still I still have that unconditional love for her in the grave. Everyone...love your M O T H E R unconditionally, because...once she gone, she is gone. You lose your whole word in a heartbeat. You cannot replace the "Queen" ever! She is the only one that bore you, nursed you, work almost 24 hours a day, sometimes without rest, gave love unconditionally. Everyone, love you M O T H E R while she is still on this earth, because...you will never get another M O T H E R in your lifetime. 

Our Legend Of Love Has Gone To Glory

Book 169

Copyright © 2020 by Author Terri Celestine Brunson

1 Thessalonians 4:13 - 14 - 13. But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 14. For if we believe that JESUS died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in JESUS will GOD bring with him. 

1 Thessalonians 5:23 - 23. And the very GOD of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray GOD your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our LORD JESUS Christ. 

Romans 14:8 - 8. For whether we live, we live unto the LORD; and whether we die, we die unto the LORD; whether we live therefore, or die, we are the LORD'S

Revelation 21:3 - 3. And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, behold the tabernacle of GOD is with men and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people and GOD himself shall be with them, and be their GOD. 

Synopsis:  This is a post that I will always hold dear to me and to my heart forever. My "Queen" is gone to GLORY! I want every one who reads this post to know that my M O T H E R was everything to me. This post will give who is viewing an idea of how much I loved my Queen. She was my entire world. 

I never got chance to tell my M O T H E R every thing I wanted to tell her before she passed away. I had so much to say to her. I had some things that I have done in my life to her that I wanted to apologize to her. I was not all bad about a lot of things I did in my life, but...there were some things that I have done to her that I wanted to apologize. I had this attitude about myself that I wanted to set straight with my M O T H E R. 

So, I went to South Florida Baptist Hospital where my M O T H E R  resided for almost two months.  I demanded that I see my M O T H E R in spite the COVID19. I was wearing a mask, but...I was determined to see her face to face so that I could tell her how I felt. Earlier that day as I give a timeline of what happened before I could give my apology, my M O T H E R had a cardiac attack during her Dialysis. She had died for 45 minutes, before she was revived. She had already a stroke two months before. 

But...with all that happened to her and being on a ventilator (life support) not breathing on her own, and being in a coma, I prayed that she could hear me even though when I apologized to her. I was wheelchair bound and on my way to my M O T H E R S room. I could not walk because I was so weak and numb dreading to see my M O T H E R in the state she was in. I arrived to my M O T H E R S room not knowing what to really expect. I saw my M O T H E R on a ventilator, wires were embedded into her neck and bags of fluids going into her veins. 

The nurses who were taking care of my M O T H E R had turned her towards me so that I could see her, because...I was not allowed to go into the room to see her, touch her, hug her, or kiss her, because...of the COVID19 virus had taken over every one's lives. I sat there in that wheelchair and I stared at my M O T H E R with tears in my eyes. It was a sight to see her hook up to everything I could think of her being hooked up to. She was not breathing on her own or responding to anything. My thoughts were, "I did not want to see my M O T H E R like she was and I wanted everything that she was hooked to taken off of her immediately."  

It was like, "I did not want to see my M O T H E R suffering anymore, because...she suffered enough throughout. She had a good 22 years since she had her magic kidneys and then after her kidneys shut down she been off and on Dialysis and that she had been in and out of the hospital." I knew that my M O T H E R would of wanted to be taken off of what was keeping her alive. Before I decided, I apologized to my M O T H E R for everything I did to her. I apologize for always yelling at my M O T H E R. I apologize for always trying to be right when I knew I was wrong for everything I done to upset my M O T H E R. I apologized for not being the daughter she wanted me to be. 

"In my heart, I know she heard my apology." I think about the times I did those things to my M O T H E R, all I be is ashamed of what I was to her. I cannot get back from my M O T H E R of what I should of been to her as her daughter in the first place. I got to live with that! I told my M O T H E R that I loved her unconditionally. 

And then...I made the hardest decision I had to make concerning my M O T H E R S fate." It took me 10 minutes to fill out the papers to remove the ventilator and all the bags of medications my mother was hooked to. I hesitated as I looked at my M O T H E R with tears in my eyes and then...I signed and I did not know how I signed, because...I had so many tears in my eyes. I was the last one to see my M O T H E R before I had the male nurse to take me away from my M O T H E R S hospital room, because...I did not want to see her nurses remove the ventilator or any of the medications she was hooked to. I would of been too painful to me. 

I was taken to my car by wheelchair, because...I was too numb to walk. As I looked back at the hospital, I wondered how long it would of taken after the ventilator and all the medicines and wires were taken off of my M O T H E R before she passed away peacefully, because...my M O T H E R looked like she was in total peace the last I saw of her. From the time I left the hospital, it was a little after 4:00 pm. It took almost 2 hours; my M O T H E R passed away very peacefully. She was in no more pain; she was not suffering; no more crying, no more Dialysis, no more in and out of the hospital. 

My M O T H E R was gone to GLORY! My sister Sherri, my brother Wesley, and I had to let our M O T H E R go, because...we did not want her to suffer anymore in her lifetime. We wanted her to have a wonderful life in Heaven as she lived a wonderful Christian life in the name of GOD and his son JESUS. Our M O T H E R was a beautiful woman in her FAITH and in her HEART. Especially...in love for every one known and unknown. "She was a Legend of Love!"

The Book Of Ruth

Book 168

Copyright © 2020 by Author Terri Celestine Brunson

*Links for COVID19

Ruth 1:21 - 21. I went out full, and the LORD hath brought me home again empty; why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hat afflicted me?

Ruth 4:15 - 15. And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age: for thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath born him. 

I found out within a blink of an eye that my MOTHER Ruth's condition was deteriorating and that she may have to go into hospice, because...when you are in hospice, there was nothing more anyone could do but to make MOTHER comfortable. For her...I know that GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time and I know that my pilots will bring my MOTHER through her time of despair after having a stroke. I find that it looked as if my MOTHERS doctor's has already written her off just for extra beds during the COVID19. My MOTHER was deteriorating in my mind since I cannot go to the hospital and see her under the circumstances of the COVID19. 

I believed that my MOTHERS deterioration was due to the fact that she cannot see her family. She really needed her family for support. My family and I cannot see what is really happening with our MOTHER while she is in the hospital. I remembered something that my MOTHER said to my twin sister Sherri while on the phone with Sherri, "Are you all mad with me is the reason you are not coming to see me?" That was the last real conversation that Sherri and our MOTHER Ruth had with each other before she could not say anything else anymore.

Sherri assured our MOTHER that we (our immediate family) was not mad with her at all. We could not go to the hospital to see our MOTHER at any cost due to the COVID19 virus. That was the precautions that my family and I had to take in order to endure what our MOTHER and our immediate family are going through. It seemed as if we were in a nightmare knowing that my family and I do not have any real answers from my MOTHERS doctor's to help us understand what was really going on with my MOTHER and her prognosis since she recovered a little from her stroke. Her prognosis was the main source of information that we needed to understand my MOTHERS condition.

I felt as if the doctor's and nurses were going against protocol and holding back from my family and I the information that me and my family should know about. Sherri have been keeping me and our brother Wesley Jr. updated on our MOTHERS condition, since she is in fact the oldest. It was after 5:00 pm that day and I asked Sherri on our MOTHERS condition. Sherri have not heard from our MOTHERS doctor, but...she said that she was fine, because...she had conversed with a social worker about our MOTHERS health and condition, so, it was nothing to be worried about. It was late in the afternoon, and my MOTHERS condition seemed to have improved. 

Sherri had spoken to our MOTHER over the phone, since we cannot go and see her due to the COVID19 virus. Our MOTHER turned her head to the receiver and grunted into the phone to Sherri. Sherri and I felt that was a good sign that our MOTHER will be talking not soon, but...whenever GOD and his son JESUS see fit for our MOTHER to talk; our MOTHER will talk. We both knew that it would be a long drawn out process for our MOTHER. Sherri and I will not rush it! 

We will give our MOTHER all the time she need to recuperate from her stroke. The was the happiest moment of my life just to know that my MOTHER grunted into the phone to Sherri for the first time in a month. MOTHER is still not moving her right side (leg and arm) her left side, she is moving just fine. We feared that our MOTHER will be partially paralyzed that is for sure and that she will be in a wheelchair for quite sometime until it is time for her to receive physical therapy. GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time. 

Even though...my MOTHER is the same position she is in and that is how Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I will see her when she comes out of the hospital. My MOTHER is paralyzed on her right arm and leg...virtually her whole right side. Her left side of her body, she has motor skills. There will be no therapy required until my MOTHER comes back to herself. One week and a half later...my MOTHER seemed to have recovered more from what I thought was depression from not being able to see her family due to the COVID19.

She is moving the left side of her body; she is alert and responsive to sound and voices; she is opening her eyes and closing them; she cannot speak, nor move her right side at all, but...she is more responsive than anything we imagined. MOTHER is slowly coming back to us in a nutshell. It will be a while before my MOTHER recovers from everything that she has been through. Me and my family will be doing a lot of praying while she continues to recover from her ordeal. 

All me and my family know is that MOTHER will need total care no matter what we say or how we feel as much as we hate it, our MOTHER will have to be sent to a nursing home for her total care. With Sherri and I and my brother-in-law Lorenzo disabled, there is nothing more we could do to give my MOTHER the total care she needed to make her feel comfortable; she will have to go to a nursing home for her total care. It makes me sad of the thought of a nursing home, but...that was the only option me and my family had in reality for our MOTHER. I had wished if it was another way, or another option that we could come up with to secure our MOTHERS safety. Only GOD and his son JESUS only knew the answer to that. 

It was only obvious that the nursing home was me and my family's last option, and only GOD and his son JESUS will take care of our MOTHER throughout her care. All we could do is pray. As I update on my MOTHERS condition, "Praise GOD and his son JESUS Christ for bringing my MOTHER out of her catharsis state. She is now talking! She know who we are (Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I) and it's like we are now a whole family again. My MOTHER got a lot of rehabilitation to go threw and she will be fine in the mighty name of GOD and his son JESUS. My pilots has answered all of our prayers!

M O T H E R

Book 167 - Special Edition Post - Our Queen, The Matriarch

Copyright © 2020 by Author Terri Celestine Brunson

2 Kings 4:30 - 30. And the mother of the child said, as the LORD liveth, and as they soul liveth, I will not leave thee. And he arose, and followed her. 

Isaiah 66:13 - 13. As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem. 

Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I longed for our MOTHER to be there for us when we needed her to be there for us. There was nothing that could pull us away from her even if she's not doing her best, we are there for her in spirit and in spirit...her every need. It is hard sometimes to know that we cannot be there at the time when things are so uncharted and so unclear to us. Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I know that GOD and his son JESUS is there on time when our MOTHER need them the most. Her time away from us is so precious, dear, and sweet. 

Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I know that our MOTHERS voice will not be silenced for long, nor her immobile status will not see to exist for as long as we know that GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time. We bring new hope to the table and we lay it down with the possibilities of what may occur when our MOTHER...the queen of the universe is not 100 times the fathom we want her to be. Those fathoms turn into security wrapped around Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I with our emotions and in our thoughts. Some codes are not made to figure out just how concerned we are when it comes to our MOTHER. She is the queen, our matriarch! 

How can we hold our composure; how can we keep our emotions intact without shedding an ounce of despair? It is quite obvious what is known to be true by faith from the ones above. GOD is good all the time! And there is nothing that could beat our pilots giving, if asked in their name and that Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I pray as hard as we could withstand the love that GOD and his son JESUS has for us and our MOTHER to come back to us a 1000 and 1 bubbly presents. We can see as far as the horizon when it comes to our MOTHER being in the center our world. 

Our queen, our matriarch...where art thou in our thoughts? We know that you will return with glory and strength. That would be a joy to see! It is a once in a lifetime gift wrapped in our prayers, our faith, our trust, our belief, and our joy. Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I will meet our MOTHER again when things are not so uncharted. 

Our MOTHERS charts will not be so uncharted for long once she began to blossom like a flower in a spring breeze. Then...we will know that our MOTHER is growing closer to us than we ever imagined her to be watered with purity. Our queen, the matriarch...GOD and his son JESUS got you when there is nothing more to worry about or to do. Your strength will be revised to you a 1000 times more than you ever imagined it would be. Patience has its abundance when it is not rushed, only if it is given with time in the name of our father GOD, and in the name your son JESUS, and in the name of the HOLY Spirit...it is done!.

Happiness Is Where The Heart Is

Book 164

2 Corinthians 13:11 - 11. Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the GOD of love and peace shall be with you. 

Jude 1:2 - 2. Mercy unto you, and peace, and love, be multiplied. 


*Link to COVID19 is available in my post.

I'm getting ready to make my post be known by everyone who's viewing it. I find myself consistently walking on egg shells; and I'm listening to every crack those shells make as I walk into a depressive state in my life that I feel everyday. My niece gives me every reason to think this, because of the way she walks around the house, and not a word to me the whole time she's off her truck route. But...I decided to start ignoring those possibilities of being ignored by my niece, and move on with my life, until I find a place of my own with my son Zachary. I can't let my niece continue breaking my down to the point of being depressed all the time, and me, consistently walking on egg shells to her ignorance of me being the best aunt she could ever had, since I was the one who co-signed for her to go to trucking school.

I just got tired of being the cast off, and the ghost of the unknown, which would be the main reason why I'm writing this post. I want to move on from this, and not feeling sorry for myself, or someone else feeling sorry for me. I'm starting my day off with getting dressed, and ready for my day. I'm thinking about going over to my brother-in-law mother's house, because there is where I feel the happiest. No negatives allowed there!

I was glad of that! I'm a hop, skip, and a jump away of walking out the door to go and visit my brother-in-law, Lorenzo, my twin sister, Sherri, and my mother, Ruth, and the rest of the family. The journey over to my brother-in-law mother's house, took me through a time of happiness and joy for the first time in five months since my family and I moved in with my niece. About ten minutes later, I arrived at my brother-in-law's mother house with "polar pops" and snacks ready to start my day with my immediate family. Zachary and I were there not only for a family get together, we were there for a fish fry as well. I had to pitch in to by the fish for our fish fry.

My brother-in-law Lorenzo, my twin sister Sherri, my mother Ruth, my great niece Ta'Neisha, and my brother-in-law father Maxwell decided to go together to the fish market to buy fish. Our journey took at least thirty-minutes to forty minutes to reach our destination, depending on the traffic. As we arrived, we found a line outside of the fish market. With the COVID19 going on, for all of our safety, social distancing was the main priority to keep us all safely distant from one another. It was six persons at a time to enter into the fish market.

It took no more than fifteen minutes tops, for Lorenzo and I to enter into the fish market by escort. We had a very huge order; three pounds of tilapia, and five mullets pan fry and ready to go. I took about another twenty to twenty-five minutes for the prep guys inside to clean and prepare the fish. Lorenzo and I had to wait outside until the fish is cleaned and ready for me to pay and pick up the fish and four orders of imitation crab meat. After twenty-five minutes passed, Lorenzo and I entered the fish market by escort so that I can pay for and pick up our fish order. 

Afterwards...my family and I started our journey back to my brother-in-law's mother's house in time for our fish fry. It was the greatest time Zachary and I will ever have just spending time with immediate family, and having the grandest fish fry in the many months since we moved in with my niece. 

   

Walking Towards Redemption

Book 163

Proverbs 20:5 - 5. Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but...a man of understanding will draw it out. 

Psalms 69:14 - 14. Deliver me out of the more, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters. 

Caution: The identities of my niece and nephew are protected under the love I have for them. Readers discression advised! 


More likely, the force is with me in the matter of my status as a unloved aunt with a lot of emotions that has mentally engulped life as far as I saw it. Too much time has passed, and it seemed like nothing is getting better with my relationship with...especially my niece. My nephew on the other hand...still has mixed feelings about me, and the relationship is still a bit estranged in a whole lot of ways. They hardly talk to me about anything, no matter what that may be, they just don't talk to me period. They don't talk about their problems to me, nor do they give me a hint of what's going on in their lives.

What did I do to deserve such attitude? I know I've had some faults that I attend to address on my own, and with no fault of my own, but...will make available upon request. What I can suggest in the matter of my two silent parties (niece and nephew) is that I spot the complete ingredients of  selfishness, and a ton of non compassion for me from the both of them. I'm getting so tired of the silent, but...double silent drama. It has taken toll on my life as a mature adult who has been on the peak of the mountain, and I'm starting to climb down with a lot of caution that I don't get tripped up in my emotions that I feel.

What double webs are weaved several times over the doubts I feel? I questions it with a vengeance! And yet...I find myself in tears most of the time when I'm alone with these thoughts dancing around in my head. My steps are light as I continue to walk on egg shells when it comes to my niece and nephew's corrupt attitudes towards me. I know that someday, I will get answers, and why with my conscience they seem to carry this love/hate relationship with me.

My requiring mind really want to know why is this happening to me, after all I've done for my niece and nephew. And sometimes I wish that my twin sister and her husband would open their eyes and see the emotions I've dealt with concerning their children.

Tormented With Immediate Family Deception

Book 162

Matthew 5:38 - 39 - 38. Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for eye, and a tooth for a tooth; 39. But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite thee on they right cheek, turn to him the other also. 



Who knows what to do, or what to say about people you love so much. The word "family" mean so much to me. I couldn't fathom my family doing me, or mines wrong in a sense so logic, like my what my extended ex family did to my immediate family. You know...that extended ex family who deceived my immediate family in a way that was unfounded during the last six months of my FATHER'S sickness, and of his life. But...I don't want to get into that travesty, because...it's too painful to bare, and it's quite intolerable

I had an experience with a few of my "younger" family members, and I can't believe how they really act towards me, especially when its a love, and then a hate relationship. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with these two who seem to give me grief and heartbreak every chance they get. I choose not to enclose their names due to the extreme love I have. "No hate for them at all, because...they are my niece and nephew." What did I ever do to them?

I always question that logic.in a sense of understanding without judgement. But...you know, GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time when times are like this, and everything I'm going through. I found that my nephew in general loves to give out information to my niece...whenever something goes on in the apartment we're living. He spares no expense, nor a bet on "tattle tale" himself to death, if only a brief moment to my niece about what goes on, whether, or if anyone in the apartment is arguing about something, or they did something, my niece knows about. I found myself getting very upset about this deception my niece and nephew is carrying on. and I'm totally, and emotionally, and mentally tired of it. Even though...it's not my apartment, and I don't have any say over the renter of the apartment, but I'm considered the "older adult" surrounded by deception.

But...like I say, "GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time. Because...when I think of way they try to get rid of me and my son out of the apartment for what reason; I don't know, I still question why do they have this love...hate thing for me? The answers will come when consequences and repercussions gather at the crown of their heads to the soles of their feet. A brain is a terrible thing to waste these days. But...I pray that someday they will see the good in me that their blinded too; and to do this to their aunt, because...I'm set in my ways of how I do things, and it's that logic in itself is a fact of the matter.

I'm done! I'm at this very point of no return, and I'm very sick and tired of being treated like a martyr in the family, and this relic is too old, and it's rubbing off on my son Zachary. And 99.9% of the time, whatever happens, it's clearly not my fault, but...the fault of other who consistently provoke the situation and wants attention, while I get chewed out.  A few days ago, I acted out, not in haste, but...with heartbreak and hurt. You get sick and tired of being sick and tired! That's logical.

Home Is A Luxury

Book 160

Romans 16:26 - 26. But now is made, and by the scriptures of the Prophets according to the commandment of the everlasting GOD, made known to all Nation's for the obedience of faith.



Links To Main Website For #COVID19



My blessings is full of joy as I post. Staying home is a luxury due to the #COVID19 virus that's hitting us hard worldwide. Lots of people complain about staying home and being couped up with hardly nothing to do. "Praying to GOD and his son JESUS is totally nice to do, when their giving you another life to live during this deadly #COVID19 virus." Giving your life to our pilots for sparing you from getting the #COVID19 is a all time luxury to have, and is truly a blessing to be thankful for.

I wish people in general will take that to heart, instead of thinking only about themselves, and not giving thanks for their lives, health and strength, and living beyond the #COVID19 virus without any thought of being fearful of the disease, if they trust in GOD and his son JESUS to surround themselves with their shield of protection. It's not hard to fathom why this virus spands worldwide, but...you got remember this, "When our pilots are mad of how evil this world has become to the point their vengeance is released with a vengeance to let us all know, their not kidding about the possibilities of one gaining repentance for all of our sins, and the evil we've done in and around this globe, and unto others that are totally unfounded." If we're told to stay home for many reasons, '#COVID19' is the ultimate reason why we are secluded to our homes, or we pay the ultimate price for being hard headed, and not obeying this lock down that has gone into effect worldwide. Don't complain about things we as a Nation, and worldwide cannot change, even if we all wanted to do so. We can't get another life (if we survive with a miracle) the #COVID19 once it hit our bodies.

A whole lot has to be considered in this case. Obedience is a must! If our Governor's, Senators, down to our President say, "Stay home for your protection, then do as your told without uttering a complain about your freedom to wander when you want to, because you may just end up paying that ultimate price of someone who are randomly in our midst, and out there coughing on you and everyone without covering their mouths." Think of the logics of this matter, and stay home, because it's a luxury to do so. May GOD add a blessing to our souls, for the edification of our hearts. This is what we all need to correct and change for our protection.

My Time, My Life On Standby

Book 159 - Special Edition Post -

     

Romans 8:18 - 18. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

I didn't know...I just found out, since I don't look at the news often, but...for the past three days, the State of Florida has been on a lock down, because of the #COVID19 virus pandemic. All of the counties have curfews to be inside their homes at a certain time; I don't know what time the curfew will go into effect, but...I know that it will be until further notice. "I knew this would happen!" Some where along the line, I knew this would happen. This will delay my trip to Jamaica for the up coming days ahead.

I know for sure, Alrick is going to be very upset. I can't help the fact that I can't make the trip to Jamaica. He told me not to delay my trip at no given time. With that said, I got to abide by what is official until the lock down is over. So again...with that said, my trip to Jamaica will have to wait until in April. I don't know where in April that I will be traveling; I know that I'm going to be on delay until then. I'm still waiting on my funding so I can travel to Jamaica, because...my heart aches and I really want to be with my future husband.

I need time with him! I can't stand to look at him through video on my phone no longer. I want to see Alrick face to face. I guess...I can say, things like this happen for a reason, and I don't know why. I know that so much has happened during the time Alrick and I were in a argument, I do know that things with us will get better as soon as I arrive in Jamaica.

I'm praying to GOD, and his son JESUS, that I will finally make my trip to Jamaica. I know that Alrick's anger will soon turn into joy when I arrive there, and we will find ourselves in the midst of our love making; and I know that nothing more will interfere with that. I know our love making will last a lifetime and that it will bring the next generation of our new family into reality. I know that I will always keep that close to my heart for as long as I live life with Alrick as his devoted wife. When this lock down is over, and I receive my money, I will find myself on a plane to Jamaica to be with my future husband, and we can start building our lives to the fullest.

So I say to Alrick, "I know that the time you've been waiting on me to come to Jamaica has been rough, prolonged, and impatient on you, but...I know in my heart when I tell you this, 'When time finally fulfill your needs as your wife, as your companion, as your lover, as your best friend, and as one." lapse, it's a reason for everything that is happening', but...when that time come for me, I will Please baby...be patient with me, because I know that you would like nothing more, than for me to be there side by side with you. GOD and his son JESUS does everything for a reason. I pray so hard that I will be there before our anniversary, which is on the 7th of April.

Your told me once to tell you everything you need to know about me, and what I'm doing and how I'm preparing myself for life with you. Please I beg you...please...please...be patient with me. "I love you more than my life right now!" I love you unconditionally.