Thinking About M O T H E R S Day Blues

 Book 199

John 16:22 - 22. And ye now therefore have sorrow; but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you

 

It is still fresh in our hearts, our M O T H E R S death. Grief has no season according to our reality when it comes to our M O T H E R. Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I long for our M O T H E R each day of our lives, never letting go of her is a hard thing to do right at this very moment I...myself...think of her without a break. I remember when I spoke to my brother just a few days ago. His whole conversation was about our M O T H E R. He said, "She just came across my mind all of a sudden, and it hit me very heart to the point I started crying." I never thought till this day I would hear my brother cry, being the man that he is. Our M O T H E R S death broke him down to a breaking point, missing her was totally a precious moment in all of our lives. 

My brother did not want to tell our Sherri about his break down being that she was epileptic. Our conversations was between Wesley and I. We were having a M O T H E R S day blues just shy of M O T H E R S Day. None of us could go out to our M O T H E R S grave, because it was too painful for us to visit her, knowing that she was no longer with us in our hearts, but in spirit. Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I pray about it from time to time, and maybe our grief will come a little bit more easy for us to bare. Like I always say, "Grief doesn't have a time limit" and I felt this hurt will always be with us the rest of our lives. 

We know that we are not the only ones experiencing a death in the family. But...prayer changes everything in its place. Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I will manage our grief one day at a time. 

When You Know You're Talked About

 Book 197

Acts 26:31 - 31. And when they were gone aside, they talked between themselves, saying, This man doeth nothing worthy of death, or of bonds.

Mark 3:5 -  5. And when he looked round about them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other.

Romans 10:3 - 3. For they being ignorant pf GOD's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness., have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of  GOD.

Romans 3:23 - 23. For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of GOD.

No one can put nothing pass me If I know I'm being talked about. I am there in my head! But...you know what, "Sticks and stones, might break my bones, but...names will never hurt me in a flash." And...I do mean that from the heart. I do know that there is "one culprit" who's fueling it all to get everyone against me. I wasn't born yesterday, or the day after that. I am passed it with the abundance of common sense, and no one will take that away from me.

I gained that common sense from GOD and his son JESUS to know, and to see between every line that is shared and posted about me on social sites. "I'm not stupid by a long shot!" I know what I see without hearing about it word of mouth, and I am also tired of my M O T H E R S name used as a cop-out from their indiscretions. I am done with the people who are being stupid about things that don't make no sense when I'm not doing anything to them. Their indiscretions will send them to "Hell" if they don't stop doing what their doing. And...to say this, "The one culprit who is fueling the indiscretion, will send their offspring to Hell as well, if they don't stop using what was told to them against me."

This is why I let God and his son JESUS have it, because...I don't have time for nonsense, and people like the culprit, and the offspring to bring me down, and using my M O T H E R...once again as a cop-out. But let me tell about the offspring. The offspring acts as though it hurts to say, "Hello, or talk to about anything they want to talk to me about it." That's not right! To the culprit who is fueling these indiscretions to the offspring, "Woe beyond to them with a passion, if they're feeding the offspring indiscretions that makes no sense to place on their table, because...it's not only hurting them, but...it's hurting the offspring in this fiasco that will send both of them to Hell."

This is why I am telling it straight from my heart, because...I am tired of the offspring treating me like I am poison, and I am not there in presents in their eyes. I am tired of being ignored in the heart of the offspring. "I am also tired of the eye rolls too!" I am tired of the culprit using my M O T H E R as a cop-out for every sentence from their mouth every time I look around. 

Not Living In Persecution

 Book 195

Exodus 20:2-17 2. I am the LORD thy GOD, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 3. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. 4. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 5. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy GOD am a jealous GOD, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; 6. And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. 7. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy GOD in vein; for the LORD will not hold the guiltless that taketh his name in vain. 8. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: 10. But the seventh day is the sabbath of the lord god: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: 11. For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and the rested seventh day: where for the LORD bless the sabbath day, and hallowed it. 12. Honour thy Father and thy Mother: that thy days be long upon the earth which the LORD thy GOD giveth thee. 13. Thou shalt not kill. 14. Thou shalt not commit adultery. 15. Thou shalt not steal. 16. Thou shalt not bear false witness against they neighbor. 17. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox l, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's.

Sometimes I feel like everyone is against me for no reason, nor did I give them a reason to be so judgemental against me. Even though my siblings, nephews, and especially my niece are on the outside; and trying to look inside my thoughts, and they have no clue about what's going on with me, or how I feel about things, or know the flavor of my Kool Aid. My issue run deeper than an open wound, and it seems like everyone loves to pick at it like the center of a nucleus. I am not trying judge anyone in my family, but it's the way I feel sometimes when I feel everyone trying to nit pick an argument up for no reason, and I haven't cause any haste, nor done anything to no one,  and I am truly convinced. Anytime I feel the way I feel when I think my family trying to get me frustrated, especially my sister Sherri, only to start a argument with me, I start to pray. 

And then...I think of my M O T H E R when these provocative occurrences of anger my family is trying to inflict on me for no reason what so ever. I remember times when I did my M O T H E R wrong out of haste. I wasn't a perfect child to her, and I don't bite my tongue when I tell the truth about it.  No one is perfect in their sense of character. I did apologize to my M O T H E R the day she went to glory. 

But...I'm still reaping the consequences and the repercussions for my indiscretions and actions against my M O T H E R. Then I think of the book of Exodus 20:12, "Honour thy Father and thy Mother: that thy days may be long upon the earth which the LORD thy GOD giveth thee." The bible is fulfilling itself at its entirety. I know what I had to go through, and pray about, before I could receive fully salvation, and be forgiven for my sins, and my sins against my M O T H E R. Back to my family! All I ever wanted from my family, was to fit somewhere in the equation, and like a missing piece of a puzzle.

If I did anything wrong to anyone, I would to tell my family: I am truly sorry in the name of JESUS, my LORD. My pilots know I do not want any more haste with my family, nor with anyone else. I made my peace with my M O T H E R before she went to glory, and I know she forgave me a long time ago. I just want to live holy; laugh with my family every chance I get, and love my family for every second of every minute I live on this earth. "That's my destiny in a way life that we all should be living in the mist of GOD and his son JESUS."

Once Twice The Indiscretions

 Book 194 

Romans 5:9 - 11 - 9. Much more them being justified by his blood we shall be saved from draft through him. 10. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to GOD by the death of his son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. 11. And not only so, but we also joy in GOD through our LORD JESUS Christ, by whom have now received the atonement. 

When a person like myself have a situation at hand when it comes to a sibling, you got to take the bitter with the sweet to get through the day without going crazy. This is how it is with me and my sister Sherri. She makes you so angry sometimes to a point, you want to peel her skull and not ruin her hair in the process. Yes, we are in a spat about WiFi Internet that I asked her nicely to for, Sherri acted like she didn't want me to access to it. I decided to go ahead and change my mind about having access to her WiFi Internet.

Then, all heck broke loose, because I changed my mind and decided to back out. I told her that, "I am not trying to start anything with her, but...I notice that she was not talking and that she looked like she wasn't feeling well." At that moment, Sherri had told me she had a headache. I was going to accept the fact that she had a headache, until she told me that I was evil, and that our M O T H E R was right about me being rough and mean to her. Sherri had brought back and opened up old wounds about my spats with our M O T H E R, that I simply apologized to her on her death bed, before she was released to the Kingdom of GOD. It seemed like every time we had a spat, she would throw our M O T H E R in my face about the spats we use to have. I felt that was wrong of her to do that to me, when I already made peace with my, before she died. 

Sherri other indiscretion was also throwing her husbands parents in my face so that they can get them upset with me for them to look at me any kind of way like I am trash. I wasn't going to take it anymore with my sister throwing people in my face, including our deceased M O T H E R because it was a low blow to me to use our M O T H E R in that manner. I told my brother Wesley about what she did. He was totally upset with Sherri that she would rehash and bring up old wounds about our M O T H E R and I having having spats, and throwing her husband Lorenzo parents in the mix to get them upset with me over our spat with each other. I wasn't going to take it no more with my sister throwing people in my face, the main one I loved so much in my face, because it was ludicrous, unfounded, and ignorant. 

That was when I started praying for Sherri about her actions, and the fact that she had a headache, and about the fact that I was concerned about her, because she wasn't talking at all throughout the morning. It was like she was taking her frustrations out on me, and accusing me for arguing with her and I wasn't raising my voice to her. I was totally shock at the way she was acting. I left well enough alone and let GOD handle her problem, whether if it was all of her medicine she's taking bothering her, or if she just had a bad attitude from the effects of her medicines. I don't know anymore! 

My whole demeanor had changed about her when it came to her throwing people, including our M O T H E R in my face, and then rehashing up old wounds. "I am done taking it!" 

What Is To Be Lonely In The Hospital

 Book 193 

John 8:16 - 16. And yet if I judge, my judgement is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.

I am informing everyone about my stay in the hospital 🏨 so that I can so I can basically get some kind of rest 🛌 and relaxation, besides catching bronchitis 😪👃👄👅 While I am recuperating from bronchitis, I am going to write about my feelings that I am experiencing 😐 I am really thinking about my M O T H E R and how she felt after her major stroke, and how she came through it was a true blessing 🙏🏾 What I am trying to say is about how she felt being alone for approximately two months after she was admitted to the hospital 🏨 during the the time 🕛 when COVID 19 was so bad during the early part of 2020 four months before her death 💀  I was starting to feel just like she felt 😢 alone and abandoned 😣 Now I know the feeling when family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 can't come to visit 🕥  

Only one person can come to visit me, mask included 😷 No other family member can visit 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 This is the rules that the hospital 🏨 set to keep everyone safe, even if everyone who has gotten vassenated 💉for COVID19 Virus 💀 M O T H E R was alone throughout her stay in the hospital 🏨 No one could visit her at all, because of the effectiness and the extent of the COVID19 virus during the early part of 2020 💀 So I can imagine my M O T H E R feeling alone and succluded from her family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

This is the way I feel, and it doesn't feel good at all 😣 I really miss my family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 even though, it's only been only three days since I have been hospitalized 🏨 I hope I never feel the fate of being alone again, because it's a bad feeling to feel when you don't have your family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 near you for support 👩‍❤️‍👨 and during the time 🕥 when you're down and out; like my M O T H E R was 😣 Only the hospital staff became her makeshift family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 a little before she before she died in their presence 💀 I still could not get close to my M O T H E R even though when I was finally allowed by the hospital 🏨 to see her just before the doctors and nurses removed her from life support 💀 

I am waiting to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 even though my M O T H E R didn't get that opportunity to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 I am blessed 🙏🏾 to have the opportunity to go home 🏡 to recuperate there 😃 I feel that my M O T H E R really didn't die 💀 alone, but with the presence of Christ, my LORD 🙏🏾 she wasn't alone, and she was at peace ✌🙌 I feel good about that 😊

Broken With Sentimental Value

 Book 191 - Special Edition Post 

Psalms 147:3 - 3. He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

How can anyone break something so "Sentimental" to us? This was a heart that wasn't meant to be broken for 8 years past its expiration date. Then you have someone at the cemetery where my M O T H E R is buried, brake what was sentimental and precious to me and the rest the family. "What does it take for someone to care about someone's property?" Maybe so...that one day, someone will care about the dead in GOD and his son JESUS, and the family who gave great thought in placing a "heart" that was beautifully engraved with the most beautiful name in the world to me, Ruth Ann Brunson. 

I was so hurt when I saw my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light when my brother in law Lorenzo brought from the cemetery. I got to admit, I was pretty upset with the cemetery grounds keeper for breaking my M O T H E R S heart solar light. He said, "That there was to be nothing stuck in the grounds of the cemetery as he mowed the ground" and common sense would of told him to pick up the solar and place it on top of my M O T H E R S vault; my family and I would of understood more without all the animosity that came with broken hearts that crumbled into reality. My family and I can't fix what was broken, or its past that was so sentimental to us. We are owed an explanation and that's all that there was to it. 

My brother Wesley suggested that he would have a talk with the cemetery grounds keeper about my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light. I gave in my two cents to sum of the cause for Wesley to relay the message. I don't mean to be upset with the cemetery grounds keeper, but...I had a reason to be with every ounce in my body, heart and soul without tooT my haste. I questioned the thought. I said...and I quote, "What if...and I meant what if someone were to brake something that was sentimental to him?" 

Should this man cry wolf? I thought not! Because...when it came to our property value of my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light, I think that the cemetery grounds keeper should pay my family and I for our grief by saying "sorry" for the inconvenience, because... GOD know he wasn't going to pay us back for what broken in the base of our minds and in our hearts. My M O T H E R S solar hear can be replaced, but...my family I chose not too for its expensive, just it case it gets broken again. We did not want that fate on our conscience again with haste. All we want is peaceful beginnings as we move on with our lives as we see fit. 

A Real Family Coffee Cup Discussion

 Book 189

Luke 12:51 - 53 -  51. Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay, but rather division. 52. For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. 53. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 

When you deal with the deception of certain family members, your whole gets turned upside down and inside out without a care in the world. My immediate family found that fate after the death of my F A T H E R. When it came to my M O T H E R, I know what deception was when she died and hardly no one from my extended family bothered to show up at her funeral. If ever a time when I needed to have real family members there, I would of been totally accommodated. What was left of my immediate family was my sister, my brother, and myself.

Hardly no one from our extended family gave my sister Sherri, my brother Wesley, and myself the courtesy to even show us some kind of sympathy to at least show up at our M O T H E R S funeral. "What was up with that?" Love for my sister, brother, and I was just a mystery in a maze that I didn't want to find my way through. Every door I came up to...was a door of uncertainty on the other the other side of it. There was no love for my M O T H E R Ruth, even with her death.

The full emptiness of the short presents of people at my M O T H E R S funeral, showed me how important Sherri, Wesley, and I really were to our extended family. We thank GOD and his son JESUS for the few extended family and friends we did have at our M O T H E R S graveside service. It goes to show who "family" really is. No coffee cup discussions necessary for those extended family members who didn't even bother to show up at my M O T H E R S funeral.

With this said, no coffee cup discussion is worth the hassle when you have people (extended family members) who really love you. That's fine if my M O T H E R S graveside service did have many people to come and pay their last respects to her. Our memories will always extend from the sky to the horizon for my M O T H E R. So "Rest up ole girl" because we love you forever and always. 

A Legend Of Love Always

 Book 188 - Special Edition Post

Proverbs 31:10 - 31 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

This is one instance since I see myself in the shade of light. I continue to see my M O T H E R in spirit; I think of here in a constant nutshell. I hear her voice with every since of my hearing. She sounds like an angel flying around me while she watches over me day in and day out. I still can't fathom her gone away from me; immortal presents still get me every time I consistently think of her without every heartbreak I experience when I can see her, if it's just for one minute to every microsecond. 

M O T H E R...I miss you with everything I have in the world. Sherri and I can't seem to get you out of our minds no matter what we do. We look down the end of the road where she is buried and we think of her there laying in a coffin in silence without a word from her mortal body. We only see her in our hearts, minds, and our souls, if only we can have a chance to see her once again. Only GOD and his son JESUS will comfort our hearts with the thought of missing her and not being able to talk to her when we want to talk to her and carry on conversations with her.

Sherri and I are seeing psychologists to try and overcome our hurt and our broken hearts from our M O T H E R S death. I don't think anyone who haven't gone through losing a love one can understand what Sherri and I go through every single day without her presents. Not being able to talk to her, or being able to laugh with her, whenever we take a notion to. Our M O T H E R was all we had in the world. But...we know that she is in Heaven smiling down on us, including our brother Wesley who experiences everything we are going through day in and day out. 

I have never for sure seen my brother cry, but...when my sister in law Neyome conversed with me one day about my brother's hurt over our M O T H E R dying. She told me and Sherri, "It wasn't a pretty sight when she observed his hurt as loud as a person would scream out bloody murder." Neyome told us that our brother cried that entire day without a break. I for one could not bare to see that with my own eyes. It would kill me to my heart to see my brother cry out like he did. 

Now everyone can understand what a wonderful woman my M O T H E R were as a Legend of Love. She lived three score and ten years over. To me...that's a lot of living and a lifetime of memories to have of my M O T H E R. It was and is a blessing to have. 

The Wisdom Of Zachary

 Book 187 - Special Edition Post From Zachary To Me

Job 28:12-28 - 12. But where shall wisdom be found/? And where is the place of understanding? 13, Man knoweth not the price thereof; neither is it found in the land of the living. 14, The depth saith, it is not in me; and the sea saith, it is not with me. 15. It cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighted for thereof. 16. It cannot be valued with the gold of Ophir, with the precious onyx, or the sapphire. 17. The gold and the crystal cannot equal it. and the exchange of it shall not be for jewels of the gold. 18. No mention shall b made of coral, or of pearls for the price of wisdom is above rubies. 19. The topaz of Ethiopia shall not equal it, neither shall it be valued with pure gold. 20. Whence then cometh wisdom? And where is the place of understanding? 21. Seeing it is hid from the eyes of all living, and kept close from the fowls of the air. 22. Destruction and death say, we have heard the fame thereof with our ears. 23. GOD understandeth the way thereof, and he knoweth the place thereof. 24. For he looketh to the ends of the earth, and seeth under the whole heaven. 25. To make the weight for the winds, and he weigheth the waters by measure. 26. When he made a decree for the rain, and a way for the lighting of the thunder. 27. Then did he see it, and declare it, he prepared it, yea, and searched it out. 28. And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the LORD, that is wisdom, and to depart from evil is understanding.

 

I never thought I will hear wisdom by its character until I heard it from my son Zachary on this day April 3, 2021. I was having a terrible and an extreme bad patch about my M O T H E R. I was in shambles, not knowing what I was going to do without my M O T H E R in my presents. I cried out to my M O T H E R in a hurtful and painful cry, because I miss her so much. How my son's wisdom to acknowledge what he addressed to me started when my twin sister Sherri had told me what I had not expected her to say. 

She told me of the times our M O T H E R would just lay on her, not knowing that she was sick and fatigued from being sick, kind of struck a nerve in me almost immediately thinking that she was just fatigue, when in fact she was really sick. I cried for a brief moment thinking about the time our M O T H E R had also layed on my shoulder not knowing she was sick. It took all the strength out of me at that particular moment. I could not do anything else. I was stuck in that moment of grief knowing what I didn't know that my M O T H E R had suffered a sickness beyond the fact of her diabetes, her renal failure, and other things that was going on with her. 

I told my sister that I had to leave, because...I did not want to cry in front of her. I got up after Zachary had left out of my brother-in-law's mother's house to join him out in our car. I started to cried out for my M O T H E R in a rage, not out of anger, but...with a strong hurt in my heart, because of the thought of my M O T H E R laying on my shoulder, because...she was in fact sick, and that I miss my her so much knowing what I know now. Then all of a sudden...wisdom showed its face in a heartbeat through my son Zachary. What he said to me left me to only think twice about my grief for my M O T H E R. Here is what he told me! He told me this: "Mom...your M O T H E R is not hurting anymore and that she's not at the end of the road in just a grave, but...she is in the present of GOD and his son JESUS. My grandmother isn't hurting anymore. She would not want you to be grieving for her. She want you to celebrate her life as she lived it. Your M O T H E R had a mission on this earth like the rest of us. Her mission to live for the LORD is done and she was called home to GOD and his son JESUS. We too are not here for the long hall, we are here until our number is called. We are not here to stay." I was totally in shock of how much Zachary paid attention to thing I didn't know he was paying attention to.

Zachary gave me an ear full and then some about life. This 14 year old so full of wisdom to tell me what he told me is totally phenomenal. "I have a gift in Zachary!" A kid with Autism. I am never going to forget the awesomeness of his wisdom to me. 

I stopped crying immediately, and celebrated my M O T H E R S life when she was on this earth. It was like a reality check that my son had given me to think about. I will never doubt my son about what he knows about Christ our LORD, and his father, GOD. Zachary gave me an ear full and then some. All I could do is smile and accept what my 14 year old son had told me was nothing but the truth. 

I am never going to forget how wisdom got the best of my son in a awesome was to acknowledge. I am in celebration of my M O T H E R S life, even though...there will be some days that I will in fact cry out for my M O T H E R. And when I do, I am going think about the wise wisdom my son Zachary shared with me. It's a reality check from son to think about. I am very proud of him!

Our M O T H E R: Riding The Storm

 Book 180 - Special Edition Post 

2 Corinthians 1:6 - 6. And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. 

Psalms 19:9 - 9. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgements of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. 

When I write this post, I think of my M O T H E R and everything she has been through in her life. That's almost three scores and ten years before, she was called home to glory! How can anyone began to know the Hades she went through? Requiring minds want to know about the evil that was casted upon my M O T H E R S sweet soul. I can't forget the time when my F A T H E R was in the hospital for his stage four cirrhosis of the liver.

I remember he was having a hard time dealing with the pain of his disease. At the time, everyone one was there visiting him; my aunts Curline, Minnie Lou (The one that had Power of Attorney over my F A T H E R S life), Tammy, uncles Carl and Alfonzo, and his nieces and nephews. My M O T H E R S came, in support of my F A T H E R, since they were separated. I remember when my M O T H E R was on the side of his bed in a wheelchair, and she asked my F A T H E R, how he was doing? He told her right in front of everyone to, "Get out of his room!"

What my F A T H E R said to my M O T H E R, truly embarrassed her in front of everyone there in his hospital room. I looked over at my M O T H E R, and she had this look of disbelief; A shocking experience to know that my F A T H E R deceived her in a way that was unfounded. My niece Octavia looked over at her grandfather, and she became was angry with my with him at that peculiar moment. She walked over to my M O T H E R (her grandmother) and rolled her in her wheelchair chair; out of my F A T H E R S hospital room to a near by waiting room. Sherri, my twin sister followed her daughter Octavia and our M O T H E R to the waiting room. 

They never returned! I had stayed behind, because I wanted to ask my F A T H E R, "Why he disgrace my M O T H E R the way he did in front of everyone?" I was angry with my F A T H E R. He had no right to do what he did to my M O T H E R; embarrassing her like that in front of everyone there. I can only remember it as a bad memory against my M O T H E R. 

She was depressed for quite some time over my F A T H E R S indiscretion over what occurred that day. But, my M O T H E R...in the midst of her depression, kept a smile on her face, even though...she was hurting inside from my F A T H E R S deception. I remember a time when my F A T H E R first went out on my M O T H E R in an adulterous affair. It was Christmas Day. My M O T H E R, Sherri's boyfriend Lorenzo at the time; now husband, my brother Wesley Jr., and I had been at a party that my uncle Carl and aunt Tammy had hosted. 

My F A T H E R had left the party early. My M O T H E R noticed. Before reality came crashing down on my M O T H E R, she was told by an anonymous source that my F A T H E R was seen at this woman's house prior to my M O T H E R blinded fate that her husband was cheating on her. Wesley Jr., Sherri and Lorenzo, my M O T H E R, and I decided to leave the Christmas party with directions given to us from our anonymous source. It was after twelve midnight! In my M O T H E R S hands was  my  F A T H E R S location.

It was totally hard to fathom at first, what my M O T H E R was about to experience, as we travelled at a moderate pace of speed. We were in no hurry to find the deception of my F A T H E R S indiscretions. We took our time enroute to this woman of despair and my F A T H E R in the center of it. It took over forty for Wesley Jr., Sherri and Lorenzo, my M O T H E R, and I to arrive at this woman's house. My M O T H E R did not hesitate as she got out of car; she walked up to the front door as we (her children) and Lorenzo looked on. 

My M O T H E R knocked, and the woman answered the door. My M O T H E R looked, and she saw my F A T H E R sitting on the sofa (as my M O T H E R stated) "Without a care in the world", and then my F A T H E R raced out behind my M O T H E R as she was fiercely in tears. My F A T H E R said, "Now you know" like....he did not care about my M O T H E R S feelings at all. Wesley Jr., Sherri and Lorenzo, my  M O T H E R, and I did not waste anytime leaving the premises. 

The early morning after Christmas Day, I remembered it as a particularly bad memory, not even for me, but...especially for my M O T H E R to carry the deception of my F A T H E R S indiscretion into heart, mind, body, and soul. My M O TH E R cried of many days after she caught my F A T H E R cheating on her. She even had to leave the state to clear her head, but...my M O T H E R always kept a smile on her face, and a totally awesome spirit, no matter what storm comes her way of a hurricane. My F A T H E R S deception continued until the day, thirty plus years later, divorce papers were sent by a police officer to my M O T H E R S  front door. That's when the chain of events came crashing down on all of us. 

My F A T H E R had began planning for the end of his life, with the help of his oldest sister, Minnie Lou. I would always believe she had those divorce papers written up for my F A T H E R for a reason, and it was all health wise and financial. I remember a day before my F A T H E R was admitted to the hospital, that he came out to the house with papers in hand. I met him at the end of the drive way that day. He was trying to get my M O T H E R to sign some papers, including the divorce papers. 

I asked my F A T H E R was he okay. He said, "I am fine for now." As we were walking up the driveway, my F A T H E R was talking about the papers and how my M O T H E R used a credit card he had to file for divorce. The credit card was maxed out. I told my F A T H E R that he wasn't going into the house he built to confront my M O T H E R about those papers, because I knew that the papers he had was something that was against my M O T H E R, and I wasn't going to let him go inside the house to stir up chaos. 

Then, all of a sudden, my F A T H E R said something that disturbed my until this day. He said, "I know that you M O T H E R hopes I die of cancer." I asked him, "You got cancer?" My F A T H E R never answered me like...wow...why would he said that, and I question it, and he doesn't answer me? At that particular moment, I most definitely did not let him go inside the house to confront my M O T H E R. 

I didn't want any chaos between them. That was a memory that disturbed me so much; I often wondered on the top of things, "Did my F A T H E R have cancer on top of his liver disease, since my ex aunt Minnie Lou had Power of Attorney of his life instead of my M O T  H E R having that power if something was to happen to my F A T H E R?" I thought of my M O T H E R and how she felt over everything that has happened to her with my F A T H E R and his siblings going against her with every ounce of deception they had against my M O T H E R? But, my M O T H E R kept smiling no matter what, even though, she was hurting inside. I knew this! 

My M O T H E R has been through a lot in the 70 years of her life. The first twenty-five years of her life was good (she told me) and the rest of her life came crashing down on her. Instead, she kept smiling and loving her enemies (my extended family members) no matter what. My M O T H E R was a "Legend of Love" and she took that with her to her grave. My M O T H E R rode the storm with every obstacle thrown her way.

She didn't let anything bring her sweet spirit down all the way, but she had the strength to continue riding the storm, and I will always remember that about my M O T H E R. I think of what my M O T H E R went through, and I cry about it every now and then when I look at my pillow with her picture on it. I forgave my F A T H E R for everything he did to my M O T H E R, but...I would never forget what he did to my M O T H E R no matter what. She was a strong woman in a frail body. I can't imagine the strength she had to endure everything that has happened to her. I thank GOD and his son JESUS that my M O T H E R will never have to endure pain or crying again, because she is with our maker in Heaven. 

I am happy about that!  

Healing A Bad Patch

 Book 178

Malachi 4:2 - 2. But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and he shall go forth ANF grow up as calves of the stall.

Luke 9:11 - 11. And the people when they knew it, followed him: and he received them, and spend unto them of the Kingdom of GOD, and healed them that had need of healing.

1 Corinthians 12:9 - 9. To another faith the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit.

As usual on a Monday evening when I go out to my son Zachary football practice to watch him practice until he was finished practicing. While I sat there watching my son, my mind was in thought of my M O T H E R...only a brief moment. I remember a time when she sat in the exact spot where I was sitting, just watching her grandson practice and enjoying herself. It's hard sometimes not having my M O T H E R in my presents, or to the point where I could talk to her in person. I know GOD and his son JESUS took her home to be with them, but...sometimes I feel that I am totally alone without a care in the world for me to fathom that I exist. 

That's the way I feel sometimes, like I am not there in reality. On a Monday, I was in Wal-Mart Christmas shopping when I saw a woman on a motor car inside the store. With the strain of my eyes, I thought I saw my M O T H E R on that motor car riding towards me. For a minute my mind was out of reality of the fact that my M O T H E R was dead. I started riding towards this woman with a smile on my face, then I came to reality when I understood that the woman was not in fact my M O T H E R. My M O T H E R in reality was deceased. 

I immediately started crying out so loud until this man and woman came towards me like they wanted to console me. They asked was I alright. I told them I will be alright. I told them that,  I'll be fine. Two days later, the though of my M O T H E R that Monday evening stayed with me after seeing that woman in Wal-Mart. On Thursday I had a really bad patch about my M O T H E R. She was totally on my mind. I remember when I got into an argument with her over certain things; minor things that didn't make no sense to me.

I found that after my M O T H E R died, I never got the chance to apologize to her, or tell her that I loved her with all of my heart. That fate ate away with me, and I cry to the point that my blood pressure rises. I have been living with the guilt of that for quite sometime, until my brother Wesley and my sister-in-law Neyome invited me come and join their church. I joined and I got Baptised so that my sins can be washed away. And then...Wesley explained to me about my baptism. When you are baptized under GOD, all of your sin are washed away, including my guilt of not apologize to my M O T H E R when I had the chance. 

I now feel better about my indiscretions when it came to my apology to my M O T H E R. My LORD had already forgiven my sin. I feel that a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I now see that my M O T H E R can now rest in peace. I feel much better where I am. I find myself a Christian for GOD and his son JESUS. 

It feels good to be where I need to be and worship with people are warm and loving towards me, no matter what color you are. I am proud to be a part of the congregation for Christ our LORD. The memories of my M O T H E R will stay with me for the rest of my life. I can tell here, " I love her" anytime, even though she has gone home to glory where she will never suffer pain, or the pain of her dialysis; she will never cry again about anything. My M O T H E R is happy living with the LORD, and I am happy about that.

Memories

 Book 177

 

Philippians 1: 3 – 5 – 3. I thank my GOD upon every remembrance of you. 4. Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy. 5. For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now. 

As I look outside my nieces apartment, I see a lot of rain pouring down fiercely without an end in sight. My joints ache from the coldness of the weather along with a touch of arthritis. I see myself not moving an inch out into this kind of weather due to my condition. I hear that it is a storm brewing out in the Gulf of Mexico. Its name is Eta. 

I better get set for the storm. I am going out later on today to buy some supplies just in case the storm hit again here in Florida. I know that the Florida Keys had been affected by the storm and I just want to prepare just in case it makes a direct turn and it hits Florida again. I am sitting here thinking while I am thinking of about the storm Eta; I thinking about my M O T H E R S grave and the flowers that are still intact. Maybe, I should go out and remove those flowers, so that they don't fly away just in case the storm hit Florida again. 

It is a lot to think about during this day; my M O T H E R S grave and her flowers affected by this "Greek" letter storm. I guess I find my M O T H E R grave accessories very important, because they were apart of her and her burial. I don't want them to fly about during a potential storm if it hits here in Florida again. It may sound odd to everyone who reads this post, but...my M O T H E R S earthly grave possessions mean everything to me, because...they were a part of her and her burial and I want to protect them in any way I can. 

I also find myself in deep thought of her, even with a dry face. No tears in sight! I can't help but miss her with every ounce of my heart. M O T H E R will be missed terribly, even throughout the upcoming holiday seasons. I truly believe Christmas will be the toughest on my family. I remember a time when my M O T H E R use to sit on the couch and watch Sherri and I cook up our Christmas dinner and her always sampling our cooking. My family and I will miss that with our Queen, my M O T H E R, because it will never be the same, ever.

The one thing I will always miss about my M O T H E R is that she would always have her Christmas shopping done way ahead of time before everyone else get their Christmas shopping started. She was very punctual about her time and the way she did things. I admired that from my M O T H E R! I will most definitely miss that about her majorly. Thanksgiving is coming up. There is a lot of things to do and prepare for and I know that it would be a holiday that I will cherish in memory of my M O T H E R S cornbread dressing that she use to make so good.

The cornbread would be just right according to my M O T H E R S hand in making the best dressing ever. She would always cut up the chicken gizzards very fine and with all the seasons she used they were just right to perfection. M O T H E R S giblet gravy; it was phenomenal! I don't think anyone can make an extraordinary gravy like my M O T H E R did. She would be also greatly missed during the Thanksgiving holiday along with her famous cornbread dressing and I forgot her fruit salad he use to make. 

Those sweet touches my M O T H E R she use to put towards what she made according to food; I don't think I will ever know how to make cornbread dressing just like her, or her fruit salad. She took that with her to her grave and I know I will never retrieve those great recipes ever again. I know that I will have to do my best to make a good cornbread dressing or a fruit salad. My M O T H E R S genious in her cooking will never faulter in my mind, because...they will always be my greatest memories of her. GOD and his son JESUS help me to cope with the fact that my M O T H E R S death and just cherish the memories I have of her, because...it is all I have of her in an instant. 

 from her ever again. 

Dealing With Consequences And Repercussions

 Book 173

Galatians 6:7 - 8 - 7. Be not deceived; GOD is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the spirit shall of the spirit reap life everlasting. 

Romans 6:23 - 23. For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of GOD is eternal life through JESUS Christ our LORD. 

1 John 1:9 - 9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

I find myself in deep thought about my M O T H E R and all the things I did to her when she was living. I know I'm reaping the consequences of my actions, and the repercussions on how I really treated her when things were so bad during a brief period of time in my life. M O T H E R tried to tell me some things to abide by and to take heed to, but...I would not listen to some of the things she warned me about according to what effect it will have on my life. I know that I'm paying for it and then some. My M O T H E R thought I hated her because of her outbursts towards me, being that she was just a old woman set in her way.  

I should of taken the fact to heart that my M O T H E R was just an old woman set in her way of things and I never should have been so hard on her. I had a attitude problem, I admit that! I needed to straighten that in order to be humble towards my M O T H E R when she had one of her outbursts. When I think of her, sometimes I just want her to argue with me about anything. That's how much I miss her knowing that I would never have the luxury of a M O T H E R in her mortal body again. I can only have her in spirit and in my memory. 

I can wish that everyone who still have their M O T H E R will treat her like a Q U E E N. I challenge that with everyone who still have their M O T H E R. It is a hard thing to go through life without my M O T H E R, because...she was the root of all things that mattered to me. I just miss her so much and I can't seem to come to reality of her death. That is a hard thing to do when it comes to having a M O T H E R who really have been there for me and my siblings through thick and thin and still...she landed on her feet when she got tripped up by anyone who would always keep her unbalanced. This is why the death of my M O T H E R is eating me up. With all the things I did in my past, it has come back to haunt me in a way it keeps me in tears. 

This is my season for reaping and sowing for my actions. I am suffering the consequences and the repercussions of my actions. This is by the rules and regulations of GOD when he wrote the Ten Commandments; the fifth commandment: Exodus 20:12 - Honor thy Father and thy Mother that thy days will be longer upon the earth in which the LORD thy GOD giveth thee. I now think about that commandment knowing that my M O T H E R and F A T H E R is not here anymore, it is instilled in my heart forever. It is a commandment that I would always abide by and learn from.

An Unfounded Dose Of Betrayal

 Book 172

Mark 11:25 - 25. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any; that your Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses

One day niece, you will know what it feel like to be betrayed by the one that suppose to love you unconditionally. One day niece, you will know what it feel like to be ignored when you call out to that person by their name and that person keeps walking away from you without listening to what you had to say to them and them without uttering a sound. One day niece, you will know what it feel like for you to want a hug and that person tells you that "they don't want that hug, or they don't want to talk to you, or they don't want you to touch them and they just walk out to door so full of resentment against you because...they found a indiscretion that you did that they didn't like." Understand niece, how it feels to be betrayed by the person you thought suppose to love you no matter what circumstances hit over the horizon. After all said and done, your eyes are so full of tears, because...you can't fathom the thought of what you did that was so wrong that person seem to carry so much hate. 

Yes...the facts are mutual that it is a love/hate relationship this person carries for you that you can't understand why they are doing this you when all you did was to love them with all of your might. One day niece, you are going to ask yourself, "Why did I do this to the one that loves me unconditionally without thinking twice." One day niece, you are going to imagine the thought of what you done to bring unhappiness, tears, and depression to the one who only want to reason with you when you said, "I didn't utter a greeting to you that morning, when it was obvious that you get the same greeting every morning you enter the front room. Now, it is time that I give you niece an ultimatum! How you carried yourself that morning was totally unfounded and it was betrayal to you've endured on me when all you would of received is love unconditionally. 

All this boils down to niece was all you had to do was to tell me my indiscretion straight forward and that indiscretion would of made a 360 to your satisfaction. All that could of been worked out accordingly if only you didn't have that kind of demeanor you had that morning. I didn't know how to come at you, because of this demeanor you carried so graciously. "It was scary to fathom how you were feeling that morning niece!" I will say this, "How you treated me as a elder...you had no right to treat me like that otherwise, because...I am a elder...and you treat your elders with respect." 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, you did not administer that thought. You just walked out the door in haste, and with that haste, you will reap the consequences and the repercussions of your actions. One day niece, you will know what that feel like to want love and you can't receive it. There was one thing I was told niece, and here is what I was told by someone that was also suppose to close to me when I had no one else to turn to but my self. "My daughter loves you very much!" 

Well here is my saying to the one that suppose to be close to me when I didn't have no one to turn to or to back me up when it comes to being decieved and betrayed. "If I was truly loved, everything I said in this post, would of never came to past." That's not love if a person ignores you when all you wanted to do was to talk to them and they keep walking away from you without listening to that word you had to say them; and what was so hurting, was that they tell you that say they didn't want a hug from you and that they didn't want to talk to you; and most of all...acted like they didn't want you to touch them and they walk straight out the door with that kind of haste is not love. That in itself is hate and it is total betrayal!  

Our Legend Of Love Has Gone To Glory

Book 169

Copyright © 2020 by Author Terri Celestine Brunson

1 Thessalonians 4:13 - 14 - 13. But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 14. For if we believe that JESUS died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in JESUS will GOD bring with him. 

1 Thessalonians 5:23 - 23. And the very GOD of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray GOD your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our LORD JESUS Christ. 

Romans 14:8 - 8. For whether we live, we live unto the LORD; and whether we die, we die unto the LORD; whether we live therefore, or die, we are the LORD'S

Revelation 21:3 - 3. And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, behold the tabernacle of GOD is with men and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people and GOD himself shall be with them, and be their GOD. 

Synopsis:  This is a post that I will always hold dear to me and to my heart forever. My "Queen" is gone to GLORY! I want every one who reads this post to know that my M O T H E R was everything to me. This post will give who is viewing an idea of how much I loved my Queen. She was my entire world. 

I never got chance to tell my M O T H E R every thing I wanted to tell her before she passed away. I had so much to say to her. I had some things that I have done in my life to her that I wanted to apologize to her. I was not all bad about a lot of things I did in my life, but...there were some things that I have done to her that I wanted to apologize. I had this attitude about myself that I wanted to set straight with my M O T H E R. 

So, I went to South Florida Baptist Hospital where my M O T H E R  resided for almost two months.  I demanded that I see my M O T H E R in spite the COVID19. I was wearing a mask, but...I was determined to see her face to face so that I could tell her how I felt. Earlier that day as I give a timeline of what happened before I could give my apology, my M O T H E R had a cardiac attack during her Dialysis. She had died for 45 minutes, before she was revived. She had already a stroke two months before. 

But...with all that happened to her and being on a ventilator (life support) not breathing on her own, and being in a coma, I prayed that she could hear me even though when I apologized to her. I was wheelchair bound and on my way to my M O T H E R S room. I could not walk because I was so weak and numb dreading to see my M O T H E R in the state she was in. I arrived to my M O T H E R S room not knowing what to really expect. I saw my M O T H E R on a ventilator, wires were embedded into her neck and bags of fluids going into her veins. 

The nurses who were taking care of my M O T H E R had turned her towards me so that I could see her, because...I was not allowed to go into the room to see her, touch her, hug her, or kiss her, because...of the COVID19 virus had taken over every one's lives. I sat there in that wheelchair and I stared at my M O T H E R with tears in my eyes. It was a sight to see her hook up to everything I could think of her being hooked up to. She was not breathing on her own or responding to anything. My thoughts were, "I did not want to see my M O T H E R like she was and I wanted everything that she was hooked to taken off of her immediately."  

It was like, "I did not want to see my M O T H E R suffering anymore, because...she suffered enough throughout. She had a good 22 years since she had her magic kidneys and then after her kidneys shut down she been off and on Dialysis and that she had been in and out of the hospital." I knew that my M O T H E R would of wanted to be taken off of what was keeping her alive. Before I decided, I apologized to my M O T H E R for everything I did to her. I apologize for always yelling at my M O T H E R. I apologize for always trying to be right when I knew I was wrong for everything I done to upset my M O T H E R. I apologized for not being the daughter she wanted me to be. 

"In my heart, I know she heard my apology." I think about the times I did those things to my M O T H E R, all I be is ashamed of what I was to her. I cannot get back from my M O T H E R of what I should of been to her as her daughter in the first place. I got to live with that! I told my M O T H E R that I loved her unconditionally. 

And then...I made the hardest decision I had to make concerning my M O T H E R S fate." It took me 10 minutes to fill out the papers to remove the ventilator and all the bags of medications my mother was hooked to. I hesitated as I looked at my M O T H E R with tears in my eyes and then...I signed and I did not know how I signed, because...I had so many tears in my eyes. I was the last one to see my M O T H E R before I had the male nurse to take me away from my M O T H E R S hospital room, because...I did not want to see her nurses remove the ventilator or any of the medications she was hooked to. I would of been too painful to me. 

I was taken to my car by wheelchair, because...I was too numb to walk. As I looked back at the hospital, I wondered how long it would of taken after the ventilator and all the medicines and wires were taken off of my M O T H E R before she passed away peacefully, because...my M O T H E R looked like she was in total peace the last I saw of her. From the time I left the hospital, it was a little after 4:00 pm. It took almost 2 hours; my M O T H E R passed away very peacefully. She was in no more pain; she was not suffering; no more crying, no more Dialysis, no more in and out of the hospital. 

My M O T H E R was gone to GLORY! My sister Sherri, my brother Wesley, and I had to let our M O T H E R go, because...we did not want her to suffer anymore in her lifetime. We wanted her to have a wonderful life in Heaven as she lived a wonderful Christian life in the name of GOD and his son JESUS. Our M O T H E R was a beautiful woman in her FAITH and in her HEART. Especially...in love for every one known and unknown. "She was a Legend of Love!"

The Book Of Ruth

Book 168

Copyright © 2020 by Author Terri Celestine Brunson

*Links for COVID19

Ruth 1:21 - 21. I went out full, and the LORD hath brought me home again empty; why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hat afflicted me?

Ruth 4:15 - 15. And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age: for thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath born him. 

I found out within a blink of an eye that my MOTHER Ruth's condition was deteriorating and that she may have to go into hospice, because...when you are in hospice, there was nothing more anyone could do but to make MOTHER comfortable. For her...I know that GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time and I know that my pilots will bring my MOTHER through her time of despair after having a stroke. I find that it looked as if my MOTHERS doctor's has already written her off just for extra beds during the COVID19. My MOTHER was deteriorating in my mind since I cannot go to the hospital and see her under the circumstances of the COVID19. 

I believed that my MOTHERS deterioration was due to the fact that she cannot see her family. She really needed her family for support. My family and I cannot see what is really happening with our MOTHER while she is in the hospital. I remembered something that my MOTHER said to my twin sister Sherri while on the phone with Sherri, "Are you all mad with me is the reason you are not coming to see me?" That was the last real conversation that Sherri and our MOTHER Ruth had with each other before she could not say anything else anymore.

Sherri assured our MOTHER that we (our immediate family) was not mad with her at all. We could not go to the hospital to see our MOTHER at any cost due to the COVID19 virus. That was the precautions that my family and I had to take in order to endure what our MOTHER and our immediate family are going through. It seemed as if we were in a nightmare knowing that my family and I do not have any real answers from my MOTHERS doctor's to help us understand what was really going on with my MOTHER and her prognosis since she recovered a little from her stroke. Her prognosis was the main source of information that we needed to understand my MOTHERS condition.

I felt as if the doctor's and nurses were going against protocol and holding back from my family and I the information that me and my family should know about. Sherri have been keeping me and our brother Wesley Jr. updated on our MOTHERS condition, since she is in fact the oldest. It was after 5:00 pm that day and I asked Sherri on our MOTHERS condition. Sherri have not heard from our MOTHERS doctor, but...she said that she was fine, because...she had conversed with a social worker about our MOTHERS health and condition, so, it was nothing to be worried about. It was late in the afternoon, and my MOTHERS condition seemed to have improved. 

Sherri had spoken to our MOTHER over the phone, since we cannot go and see her due to the COVID19 virus. Our MOTHER turned her head to the receiver and grunted into the phone to Sherri. Sherri and I felt that was a good sign that our MOTHER will be talking not soon, but...whenever GOD and his son JESUS see fit for our MOTHER to talk; our MOTHER will talk. We both knew that it would be a long drawn out process for our MOTHER. Sherri and I will not rush it! 

We will give our MOTHER all the time she need to recuperate from her stroke. The was the happiest moment of my life just to know that my MOTHER grunted into the phone to Sherri for the first time in a month. MOTHER is still not moving her right side (leg and arm) her left side, she is moving just fine. We feared that our MOTHER will be partially paralyzed that is for sure and that she will be in a wheelchair for quite sometime until it is time for her to receive physical therapy. GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time. 

Even though...my MOTHER is the same position she is in and that is how Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I will see her when she comes out of the hospital. My MOTHER is paralyzed on her right arm and leg...virtually her whole right side. Her left side of her body, she has motor skills. There will be no therapy required until my MOTHER comes back to herself. One week and a half later...my MOTHER seemed to have recovered more from what I thought was depression from not being able to see her family due to the COVID19.

She is moving the left side of her body; she is alert and responsive to sound and voices; she is opening her eyes and closing them; she cannot speak, nor move her right side at all, but...she is more responsive than anything we imagined. MOTHER is slowly coming back to us in a nutshell. It will be a while before my MOTHER recovers from everything that she has been through. Me and my family will be doing a lot of praying while she continues to recover from her ordeal. 

All me and my family know is that MOTHER will need total care no matter what we say or how we feel as much as we hate it, our MOTHER will have to be sent to a nursing home for her total care. With Sherri and I and my brother-in-law Lorenzo disabled, there is nothing more we could do to give my MOTHER the total care she needed to make her feel comfortable; she will have to go to a nursing home for her total care. It makes me sad of the thought of a nursing home, but...that was the only option me and my family had in reality for our MOTHER. I had wished if it was another way, or another option that we could come up with to secure our MOTHERS safety. Only GOD and his son JESUS only knew the answer to that. 

It was only obvious that the nursing home was me and my family's last option, and only GOD and his son JESUS will take care of our MOTHER throughout her care. All we could do is pray. As I update on my MOTHERS condition, "Praise GOD and his son JESUS Christ for bringing my MOTHER out of her catharsis state. She is now talking! She know who we are (Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I) and it's like we are now a whole family again. My MOTHER got a lot of rehabilitation to go threw and she will be fine in the mighty name of GOD and his son JESUS. My pilots has answered all of our prayers!