Love, Honor And To Be Trustworthy

Book 142

1 Corinthians 4:2 - 2. Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found.



* Using the word "him" keep his identify partially anonymous


I don't know what he want sometimes. I'm trying to accept the fact that he has a strong jealousy streak that's really beginning to push me away. I don't know what else to do to make him believe whatever I tell him. The majority of the time, I feel this since of him twisting everything around about what I tell him about my activities and he make it seem like I'm cheating, or doing things that I haven't gotten any business doing. It's like...I don't know what to do, or what to tell him that would make him understand me and what I do with my time, whether it's spending time with my family, or putting my thinking cap into my writing.

I'm doing everything in my power to not mess up (in other terms...f***) up what we have together...as though his thoughts became judgmental when it came to my three Facebook profiles that I have. One is a public profile...which I'm never posting, or sharing anything on, and the other two are profiles I have, they are private profiles. The first of my private profiles, I rarely never post onto it, but...only to share my blog posts to my Facebook Page: Author Terri Celestine Brunson.  That profile also has people on it (my ex. extended family) that I'm not associated with anymore, because of what happened to my FATHER, but...my Facebook pages: Author Terri Celestine Brunson and The Minorities are part of this first private profile and can never erase it. So with that said, I've decided to make another Facebook profile...keeping my ex extended family members away from it.

This profile...I do not use my last name, because of my ex. extended family history and bloodline. I don't want nothing to do with my last name, even though it is my bloodline. There...I have other pages that I share posts from my other blogs: Celestine's Coffee Cup,and The Chocolate Chronicles and Socialites Social Club, but...no writing on it's profile. My significant other thinks I'm hiding something from him by writing on all three of my profiles, or good as to say that I may have other people that I'm writing to and that's not at all the case. What I'm doing is sharing my work to my pages, because that's what I do.

Writing is what I do! I don't have time for Facebook, or its shenanigans in general. My love also states that I have accepted a man on my recent profile...the second private profile, that I didn't know was his friend, but...I don't associate with him at anytime, even though I accepted his friendship. I'm only human here and I'm getting my head bitten off by him, because I accepted a man of whom I don't associate with. With this said...I can't erase this profile, because my Facebook pages are on this recent profile...my second profile.

So what to do about how I feel about things when it comes to the man I love? Why do he find things to argue about? I'm doing everything in my power to support him; give him what he want and to love him unconditionally. It's like when he goes out to find things in and about my life that I had before we met, he doesn't approve of, he brings it to my attention, and then he argue with me about it. How do I cope with the fact I have a man with this jealous streak that I'm still afraid of?

I trying so hard not to break like glass, or fall to pieces like the leaves during the fall season. I love this man, but...he makes me feel like I got to be careful of everything I do. Just a brief second of my happiness and listening to my music, he told me not to screw up on him; or break his heart. Why would I want to screw anything up with us, or break his heart? What trust does he have in me to say what he said to me?

I'm truly hurting from the outburst he consumed on my conscience. So what I did...was to let him know to calm his demeanor and call it a early morning so I can do some thinking and write this post. Anytime I write a post it's about what I'm thinking and the state of mind I'm in. Even with my thoughts during the time I wrote about my FATHER on this blog site for years in order to cope with my heart of losing him, I'm writing about the man I love and where his mind is sometimes. Like I said, "I'm only human sometimes with what I do and did before I met him."

What I did in my life before I met him wasn't unfaithfulness, and I didn't have any other relationship other than my son's father. I didn't know I was going to experience being careful about everything I do. But...what I'm doing is only part of my honesty to him with out deception, or not to encounter any indiscretions of any sort. All I can do is to do my best and not keep anything a secret, or it will be an indiscretion I can't put myself out of. So with this said, "All I can do is talk to him and make him understand me for a change and what I'm about, so he doesn't think I'm cheating on him, or got secrets that I'm keeping from him. I also don't want be stuck in a situation to the point that he doesn't believe, or trust me, because I don't know what I do if he think that I can't be trusted, or if it's the other way around for me to think of him in the same manner otherwise.

"I'm only human, but...I'm sharing my honesty in return for his trust in me and my trust in him." Communication is the key to an understanding and why things happen, and how to mend what could be broken in the matter of our relationship!

Understanding Zachary's World

Book 141

Job 4:6 - 6. Is not this thy fear, thy confidence, thy hope, and the uprightness of thy ways. 

        31:24 - 24. If I have made gold my hope, or have said to the fine gold, thou art my confidence.

Psalms 118:8 - 8. It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. 

Isaiah 30:15 - 15. For thus saith the LORD GOD, the Holy One of Israel; in returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength; and ye would not. 

Acts 28:31 - 31. Preaching the kingdom of GOD, and teaching those things which concern the LORD JESUS Christ, with all confidence, no man forbidding him.

2 Corinthians 7:16 - 16. I rejoice therefore that I have confidence in you in all things. 

Galatians 5:10 - 10. I have confidence in you through the LORD, that ye will be none otherwise minded: but he that troubleth you shall bear his judgment, whosoever he be. 

I have a hard time putting the pieces of Zachary's puzzle together sometimes. It's hard to imagine the magnitude of which piece goes with which! What I'm trying to say is, when it comes to finding those different pieces of Zachary's puzzle, because it has to be put together by its color code, And from those pieces of Zachary's puzzle, I began to think about the various stages of his internal emotions that he's been dealing with for a brief period of time. For Zachary...it's being accepted where ever he goes, and what ever he does to be acknowledged for who he is. I figure that one piece of Zachary's puzzle will always make a difference in finding the cause  that triggered his internal emotions about being accepted on his football team.

And when that cause, it has  become a factor of what I'm trying to seek about my son's internal emotions, and I pray to GOD...whatever it may be, the answer will become my mission to figure out its mystery that has been plaguing my son for quite sometime, and for him being accepted as a young man with Autism on his football team; and  then I will see all the pieces of Zachary's puzzle come together correctly by its color code. I've watched some of the head coaches (one in particular) on (JV) Zachary's Junior Varsity team, place his favorite team players in positions they want to be in. I find that every time Zachary wants a certain position (Defense End... which is his strength and more action) he doesn't receive where his strength makes a difference and  it will become a factor of Zachary's goals that will lead him towards winning championships for his team. But...he is consistently placed on the offensive side of the field, where he doesn't want to be, because of the limited action the offensive side of the field gives with the option to block in order to protect the quarterback. The coaches lack of concern for Zachary, it has caused quite a bit of concern for me and for Zachary to accept the fact that this one head coach will put him where he's doesn't want to be to keep him out of the way of his favorite team players.

I'm not going to tolerate Zachary being ignored of the benefits of being where he want to be to accomplish his goal and determination of taking down the quarterback. This was why I felt that there will be many games lost because of crooked coaches who only want to keep their favorites team players in the midst of the field to win games, instead of placing good players (like my son) who I feel will take his football team to championships. Zachary is that player with determination and strength to do what he need to do to bring his football team towards championships, if he's given a chance to prove himself worthy of the position he could have as defensive end. It seems that I'm taken back to the last team Zachary hardly played on where he no real chances to play in any of the games, because he was always on the sideline...even at his practice too.

I always felt his Autism had everything to do with why Zachary was extremely limited to the amount of games he could play in. That's why I changed team organization with the feeling that the grass was greener on the other side of the goal line. I'm not going through another organization (and it's an excellent organization with the Lakeland Eagles) of crooked coaches. I would love to see one coach in the midst of other coaches that will give a darn about every last one of his team players and not just a few that are their personal favorites. I'm not tolerating it! Not another year.

I'm going acknowledge my feelings to the coach who is in fact, part of my problem when it comes to Zachary. Now I'm starting to see all the pieces of Zachary's puzzle coming together by color code. All I got to do is acknowledge my feelings to the coach that was giving me a lot of problems when it came to the position Zachary wanted to play. That last piece of the puzzle...the only piece...would fit nicely with all the other surrounding color coded pieces of Zachary's puzzle. His puzzle will be officially complete, and his internal emotions will be reduced with confidence in himself to strive for the goal he wants to achieve, and that's going after the quarterback.

Feelings Of An Epiphany

Book 140

2 Timothy 3:16 - 16. All scripture is given by inspiration of GOD, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. 



I find myself in a breakthrough of my mind, body and soul. Things as though I've seen only through philosophical discoveries. What are those discoveries? It has been discovered that I am more at peace in my life. I feel like I've been more enlightened in my mind than anything I've ever experienced during my time of despair. I now do this without anger or haste in my heart. I do it very calmly. 

I know how to handle things better as time progresses and I move on with my life. I will not fail with this instance that has brought me to experience wonderful beginnings that has lead me to prosperity. There were so many disappointments in my life, it was hard to fathom.  Here is one instance I had to bring forth that kept me in total despair: 1. Letting go what was once was in my life that kept me angry...the indiscretions of my ex aunts. 2. What was understood in the mind not will be devoured by my self pity. 3. Living in peace without haste for anyone. I find myself without these instances in my life. I find myself living better than I have ever lived.  

All and all...it's a good feeling to have and I thank GOD and his son JESUS for it. I found my "Epiphany" a realization for a breakthrough, and I don't resist myself in turning back to it's madness. I'm too happy to go backwards, obtaining a unclear past! I want to keep moving on to bigger and better things. I found my breakthrough in real life that I don't mind sharing. 

I found happiness in one that brings me joy. I can only pray that "he" will continue to bring me joy in life. I can't take another misconception of a relationship; another failure to understand what happened, and why it happened. I'm mended with confidence, love, joy, and happiness. I would love fate to keep me hanging towards the horizon, and keep me afloat without the harshness of despair. 

Only my significant one and I can travel that fate...with my son in tow, and another one on the way soon! I'm at a breakthrough in my life that keeps me in peace. I'm enjoying ounce of gratitude of it. 

Forgiveness With A Clean Slate

Book 139

Romans 5:3 - 8 - 3. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation worketh patience. 4. And patience, experience, and experience hope: 5. And hope maketh not ashamed, because the love of GOD is she'd abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given to us. 6. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. 8. But GOD commendeth his love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 

Galatians 6:1 - 1. "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault he which are Spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself lest thou also be tempted."


What is to forgive? The benefits are phenomenal when your forgive someone who meant you harm, and has done you wrong in so many ways. It''s only right to forgive in order to clean your slate of despair. Don't build up in your heart of the many things that you consistently consume against a person, or persons, because your thoughts alone will send you to Hades. It's better to forgive than to be bitter with that person, or persons who meant you harm.

When GOD forgives your sin, he doesn't put a mark on who he forgives. Committing sins and living in sin will make you dirty like a filthy rag on a pedestal. Seek in your heart the burden that kept you from seeking forgiveness for all of your sins, and find peace for the way you feel after forgiving that person you had indiscretions with. Forgiveness is the key to abundance...a true gain that will make you free from despair. Live life in a way that brings in a blank slate for success, without a mark of discrepancy.

Always forgive those who have sinned against you. You'll find yourself free of the guilt that kept you holding onto a very heavy weight. Free yourself of that weight, because you will feel lighter than you've ever felt and imagined. Clear your mind, your hear, and most definitely rebuild your soul abundantly from Hades.

The choice is yours to deal with if you want to live free of hate, grief and despair.