Never A Day Missed I Don't Think About My M O T H E R

 Book 198

Exodus 20:12 -12.Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

What I share with ever one of my family members is the memories of a legend. "A Legend Of Love" my M O T H E R Ruth Ann Brunson. There is not a day I don't think about my M O T H E R. She is kind of tough to get over with every ounce in my body I can take. She was the light that shined bright in our hearts, and I will never forget the memories she left behind for us to cherish.

She was a soldier in the army of GOD and his son JESUS. All the battles my M O T H E R when through, my pilots fought them all for her so that she could have peace with in her heart, mind, and soul. She also stayed silent about the things that hindered her, but she didn't let foolish things get to her, no matter what the happened or who did it to her. My M O T H E R was a pro at letting things go without hate or haste. She prayed and prayed unconditionally to GOD and his son JESUS about the burdens that was instilled on her at that brief moment in her life. A soldier of our pilots above!

My Mother was a "Legend Of Love" and you can never get no better than that in a lifetime if you give your love unconditionally; even weathering the storm that blow you around like a piece of cardboard. My M O T H E R been through every possible storm there is to go through. 35 plus years was enough for my M O T H E R. "It was enough for her!" She can now rest in the glory of GOD and his son JESUS. I am thankful for that!

Not Living In Persecution

 Book 195

Exodus 20:2-17 2. I am the LORD thy GOD, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 3. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. 4. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 5. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy GOD am a jealous GOD, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; 6. And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. 7. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy GOD in vein; for the LORD will not hold the guiltless that taketh his name in vain. 8. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: 10. But the seventh day is the sabbath of the lord god: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: 11. For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and the rested seventh day: where for the LORD bless the sabbath day, and hallowed it. 12. Honour thy Father and thy Mother: that thy days be long upon the earth which the LORD thy GOD giveth thee. 13. Thou shalt not kill. 14. Thou shalt not commit adultery. 15. Thou shalt not steal. 16. Thou shalt not bear false witness against they neighbor. 17. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox l, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's.

Sometimes I feel like everyone is against me for no reason, nor did I give them a reason to be so judgemental against me. Even though my siblings, nephews, and especially my niece are on the outside; and trying to look inside my thoughts, and they have no clue about what's going on with me, or how I feel about things, or know the flavor of my Kool Aid. My issue run deeper than an open wound, and it seems like everyone loves to pick at it like the center of a nucleus. I am not trying judge anyone in my family, but it's the way I feel sometimes when I feel everyone trying to nit pick an argument up for no reason, and I haven't cause any haste, nor done anything to no one,  and I am truly convinced. Anytime I feel the way I feel when I think my family trying to get me frustrated, especially my sister Sherri, only to start a argument with me, I start to pray. 

And then...I think of my M O T H E R when these provocative occurrences of anger my family is trying to inflict on me for no reason what so ever. I remember times when I did my M O T H E R wrong out of haste. I wasn't a perfect child to her, and I don't bite my tongue when I tell the truth about it.  No one is perfect in their sense of character. I did apologize to my M O T H E R the day she went to glory. 

But...I'm still reaping the consequences and the repercussions for my indiscretions and actions against my M O T H E R. Then I think of the book of Exodus 20:12, "Honour thy Father and thy Mother: that thy days may be long upon the earth which the LORD thy GOD giveth thee." The bible is fulfilling itself at its entirety. I know what I had to go through, and pray about, before I could receive fully salvation, and be forgiven for my sins, and my sins against my M O T H E R. Back to my family! All I ever wanted from my family, was to fit somewhere in the equation, and like a missing piece of a puzzle.

If I did anything wrong to anyone, I would to tell my family: I am truly sorry in the name of JESUS, my LORD. My pilots know I do not want any more haste with my family, nor with anyone else. I made my peace with my M O T H E R before she went to glory, and I know she forgave me a long time ago. I just want to live holy; laugh with my family every chance I get, and love my family for every second of every minute I live on this earth. "That's my destiny in a way life that we all should be living in the mist of GOD and his son JESUS."

Once Twice The Indiscretions

 Book 194 

Romans 5:9 - 11 - 9. Much more them being justified by his blood we shall be saved from draft through him. 10. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to GOD by the death of his son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. 11. And not only so, but we also joy in GOD through our LORD JESUS Christ, by whom have now received the atonement. 

When a person like myself have a situation at hand when it comes to a sibling, you got to take the bitter with the sweet to get through the day without going crazy. This is how it is with me and my sister Sherri. She makes you so angry sometimes to a point, you want to peel her skull and not ruin her hair in the process. Yes, we are in a spat about WiFi Internet that I asked her nicely to for, Sherri acted like she didn't want me to access to it. I decided to go ahead and change my mind about having access to her WiFi Internet.

Then, all heck broke loose, because I changed my mind and decided to back out. I told her that, "I am not trying to start anything with her, but...I notice that she was not talking and that she looked like she wasn't feeling well." At that moment, Sherri had told me she had a headache. I was going to accept the fact that she had a headache, until she told me that I was evil, and that our M O T H E R was right about me being rough and mean to her. Sherri had brought back and opened up old wounds about my spats with our M O T H E R, that I simply apologized to her on her death bed, before she was released to the Kingdom of GOD. It seemed like every time we had a spat, she would throw our M O T H E R in my face about the spats we use to have. I felt that was wrong of her to do that to me, when I already made peace with my, before she died. 

Sherri other indiscretion was also throwing her husbands parents in my face so that they can get them upset with me for them to look at me any kind of way like I am trash. I wasn't going to take it anymore with my sister throwing people in my face, including our deceased M O T H E R because it was a low blow to me to use our M O T H E R in that manner. I told my brother Wesley about what she did. He was totally upset with Sherri that she would rehash and bring up old wounds about our M O T H E R and I having having spats, and throwing her husband Lorenzo parents in the mix to get them upset with me over our spat with each other. I wasn't going to take it no more with my sister throwing people in my face, the main one I loved so much in my face, because it was ludicrous, unfounded, and ignorant. 

That was when I started praying for Sherri about her actions, and the fact that she had a headache, and about the fact that I was concerned about her, because she wasn't talking at all throughout the morning. It was like she was taking her frustrations out on me, and accusing me for arguing with her and I wasn't raising my voice to her. I was totally shock at the way she was acting. I left well enough alone and let GOD handle her problem, whether if it was all of her medicine she's taking bothering her, or if she just had a bad attitude from the effects of her medicines. I don't know anymore! 

My whole demeanor had changed about her when it came to her throwing people, including our M O T H E R in my face, and then rehashing up old wounds. "I am done taking it!" 

What Is To Be Lonely In The Hospital

 Book 193 

John 8:16 - 16. And yet if I judge, my judgement is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.

I am informing everyone about my stay in the hospital 🏨 so that I can so I can basically get some kind of rest 🛌 and relaxation, besides catching bronchitis 😪👃👄👅 While I am recuperating from bronchitis, I am going to write about my feelings that I am experiencing 😐 I am really thinking about my M O T H E R and how she felt after her major stroke, and how she came through it was a true blessing 🙏🏾 What I am trying to say is about how she felt being alone for approximately two months after she was admitted to the hospital 🏨 during the the time 🕛 when COVID 19 was so bad during the early part of 2020 four months before her death 💀  I was starting to feel just like she felt 😢 alone and abandoned 😣 Now I know the feeling when family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 can't come to visit 🕥  

Only one person can come to visit me, mask included 😷 No other family member can visit 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 This is the rules that the hospital 🏨 set to keep everyone safe, even if everyone who has gotten vassenated 💉for COVID19 Virus 💀 M O T H E R was alone throughout her stay in the hospital 🏨 No one could visit her at all, because of the effectiness and the extent of the COVID19 virus during the early part of 2020 💀 So I can imagine my M O T H E R feeling alone and succluded from her family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

This is the way I feel, and it doesn't feel good at all 😣 I really miss my family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 even though, it's only been only three days since I have been hospitalized 🏨 I hope I never feel the fate of being alone again, because it's a bad feeling to feel when you don't have your family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 near you for support 👩‍❤️‍👨 and during the time 🕥 when you're down and out; like my M O T H E R was 😣 Only the hospital staff became her makeshift family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 a little before she before she died in their presence 💀 I still could not get close to my M O T H E R even though when I was finally allowed by the hospital 🏨 to see her just before the doctors and nurses removed her from life support 💀 

I am waiting to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 even though my M O T H E R didn't get that opportunity to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 I am blessed 🙏🏾 to have the opportunity to go home 🏡 to recuperate there 😃 I feel that my M O T H E R really didn't die 💀 alone, but with the presence of Christ, my LORD 🙏🏾 she wasn't alone, and she was at peace ✌🙌 I feel good about that 😊

A Legend Of Love Always

 Book 188 - Special Edition Post

Proverbs 31:10 - 31 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

This is one instance since I see myself in the shade of light. I continue to see my M O T H E R in spirit; I think of here in a constant nutshell. I hear her voice with every since of my hearing. She sounds like an angel flying around me while she watches over me day in and day out. I still can't fathom her gone away from me; immortal presents still get me every time I consistently think of her without every heartbreak I experience when I can see her, if it's just for one minute to every microsecond. 

M O T H E R...I miss you with everything I have in the world. Sherri and I can't seem to get you out of our minds no matter what we do. We look down the end of the road where she is buried and we think of her there laying in a coffin in silence without a word from her mortal body. We only see her in our hearts, minds, and our souls, if only we can have a chance to see her once again. Only GOD and his son JESUS will comfort our hearts with the thought of missing her and not being able to talk to her when we want to talk to her and carry on conversations with her.

Sherri and I are seeing psychologists to try and overcome our hurt and our broken hearts from our M O T H E R S death. I don't think anyone who haven't gone through losing a love one can understand what Sherri and I go through every single day without her presents. Not being able to talk to her, or being able to laugh with her, whenever we take a notion to. Our M O T H E R was all we had in the world. But...we know that she is in Heaven smiling down on us, including our brother Wesley who experiences everything we are going through day in and day out. 

I have never for sure seen my brother cry, but...when my sister in law Neyome conversed with me one day about my brother's hurt over our M O T H E R dying. She told me and Sherri, "It wasn't a pretty sight when she observed his hurt as loud as a person would scream out bloody murder." Neyome told us that our brother cried that entire day without a break. I for one could not bare to see that with my own eyes. It would kill me to my heart to see my brother cry out like he did. 

Now everyone can understand what a wonderful woman my M O T H E R were as a Legend of Love. She lived three score and ten years over. To me...that's a lot of living and a lifetime of memories to have of my M O T H E R. It was and is a blessing to have. 

What Sow...Sow Shall I Reap

 Book 185 - Special Edition Post

Luke 6:38 - 38. Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.

Galatians 6:8 - 8. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 

2 Corinthians 9:6 - 6. But this I say, He which sleety sparingly shall reap also sparingly and he which sleety bountiful my shall reap also bountifully.

  

I wrote a letter in memory of my parents. I mostly wrote about my M O T H E R and my indiscretions I had against her when she was alive. Now...I reap what I sow through my son Zachary. I deserve what GOD and his son JESUS raft which is inflicted on me. I am going to take it, because I deserve it for the way I treated my M O T H E R. She continue to love me so much. Before she left me, she was at peace, and she forgave me with peace. I asked GOD and his son JESUS for forgiveness for my M O T H E R, and now, I am at peace.

My letter as it reads: 

I have issues dealing with the death of my parents. I know in my heart that my F AT H E R was the most important key to my existence, but...my M O T H E R was a different form of importance. She was the one who gave me life; she was the one who provided me comfort and with the knowledge to do so. She was my hover over me when things got bad. She made sure I was alright, along with my F A T H E R say in this. She made sure I had everything I needed to live in this world. Along with my F A T H E R, my M O T H E R was my safety net without confusion of what to do next. 

I have been taught by the best of the best. I have nothing but memories of my parents. Those memories continued with rules and regulations; the law of GOD and his son JESUS put into my parents hearts to instill it in me, so that I could learn from my mistakes if there were any. I can say right now, that I appreciate everything that my parents did for me when they were alive and well. I had a few bad patches with my M O T H E R I never got a chance to apologize to her about. Yes, I was a bad person only by choice at the time. 

I use to bad mouth my M O T H E R. My sister would tell me all the time, "To never talk to our M O T H E R like I did, and I did it anyway." But...my M O T H E R kept loving me even though, and she just kept smiling, never letting what I did bother her. In her heart, mind, body, and soul, she had already forgiven me for what I done to her. My M O T H E R was at peace through GOD and his son JESUS almighty. She had already forgiven me for all of indiscretions. I live through my reaping everyday through my son Zachary. 

He was so rebellious to me. He talks back to me just as I did my M O T H E R. Zachary did what he wanted and still doing what he wants just as I did my M O T H E R. He yells and screams at me just as I did to my M O T H E R. "I get it now!" I get it. What I sow...sow shall I reap. 

My reaping days is here in a ten fold through my son Zachary. He is totally letting me have it! Now I have the memory of my M O T H E R telling me so. She told me numerous times that everything I did to her was going to come back to me. It's here and it is ten times worst than I imagined for the way I treated her. I did love my M O T H E R with every breath I took and with every ounce of strength I had in my body, but...I didn't show her at the time when I treated her wrong when she was living on this earth. 

But...she forgave me before she she left me. Then...I asked GOD and his son JESUS to forgive me for what I did to my M O T H E R, and everything she had been through with me. I was totally amber to my F A T H E R, but...my M O T H E R rode the storm with me, my F A T H E R, and everyone else who did her wrong, and she just kept smiling to the four winds. I can say this with comfort, and with peace in my heart, "GOD and his son JESUS has forgiven me for my M O T H E R, and my M O T H E R has forgiven me through GOD and his on JESUS." 

I can say and continuously say, "I am at peace with it and myself included. I love you M O T H E R, I love you F A T H E R. Rest well.with the angels.

Our M O T H E R: Riding The Storm

 Book 180 - Special Edition Post 

2 Corinthians 1:6 - 6. And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. 

Psalms 19:9 - 9. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgements of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. 

When I write this post, I think of my M O T H E R and everything she has been through in her life. That's almost three scores and ten years before, she was called home to glory! How can anyone began to know the Hades she went through? Requiring minds want to know about the evil that was casted upon my M O T H E R S sweet soul. I can't forget the time when my F A T H E R was in the hospital for his stage four cirrhosis of the liver.

I remember he was having a hard time dealing with the pain of his disease. At the time, everyone one was there visiting him; my aunts Curline, Minnie Lou (The one that had Power of Attorney over my F A T H E R S life), Tammy, uncles Carl and Alfonzo, and his nieces and nephews. My M O T H E R S came, in support of my F A T H E R, since they were separated. I remember when my M O T H E R was on the side of his bed in a wheelchair, and she asked my F A T H E R, how he was doing? He told her right in front of everyone to, "Get out of his room!"

What my F A T H E R said to my M O T H E R, truly embarrassed her in front of everyone there in his hospital room. I looked over at my M O T H E R, and she had this look of disbelief; A shocking experience to know that my F A T H E R deceived her in a way that was unfounded. My niece Octavia looked over at her grandfather, and she became was angry with my with him at that peculiar moment. She walked over to my M O T H E R (her grandmother) and rolled her in her wheelchair chair; out of my F A T H E R S hospital room to a near by waiting room. Sherri, my twin sister followed her daughter Octavia and our M O T H E R to the waiting room. 

They never returned! I had stayed behind, because I wanted to ask my F A T H E R, "Why he disgrace my M O T H E R the way he did in front of everyone?" I was angry with my F A T H E R. He had no right to do what he did to my M O T H E R; embarrassing her like that in front of everyone there. I can only remember it as a bad memory against my M O T H E R. 

She was depressed for quite some time over my F A T H E R S indiscretion over what occurred that day. But, my M O T H E R...in the midst of her depression, kept a smile on her face, even though...she was hurting inside from my F A T H E R S deception. I remember a time when my F A T H E R first went out on my M O T H E R in an adulterous affair. It was Christmas Day. My M O T H E R, Sherri's boyfriend Lorenzo at the time; now husband, my brother Wesley Jr., and I had been at a party that my uncle Carl and aunt Tammy had hosted. 

My F A T H E R had left the party early. My M O T H E R noticed. Before reality came crashing down on my M O T H E R, she was told by an anonymous source that my F A T H E R was seen at this woman's house prior to my M O T H E R blinded fate that her husband was cheating on her. Wesley Jr., Sherri and Lorenzo, my M O T H E R, and I decided to leave the Christmas party with directions given to us from our anonymous source. It was after twelve midnight! In my M O T H E R S hands was  my  F A T H E R S location.

It was totally hard to fathom at first, what my M O T H E R was about to experience, as we travelled at a moderate pace of speed. We were in no hurry to find the deception of my F A T H E R S indiscretions. We took our time enroute to this woman of despair and my F A T H E R in the center of it. It took over forty for Wesley Jr., Sherri and Lorenzo, my M O T H E R, and I to arrive at this woman's house. My M O T H E R did not hesitate as she got out of car; she walked up to the front door as we (her children) and Lorenzo looked on. 

My M O T H E R knocked, and the woman answered the door. My M O T H E R looked, and she saw my F A T H E R sitting on the sofa (as my M O T H E R stated) "Without a care in the world", and then my F A T H E R raced out behind my M O T H E R as she was fiercely in tears. My F A T H E R said, "Now you know" like....he did not care about my M O T H E R S feelings at all. Wesley Jr., Sherri and Lorenzo, my  M O T H E R, and I did not waste anytime leaving the premises. 

The early morning after Christmas Day, I remembered it as a particularly bad memory, not even for me, but...especially for my M O T H E R to carry the deception of my F A T H E R S indiscretion into heart, mind, body, and soul. My M O TH E R cried of many days after she caught my F A T H E R cheating on her. She even had to leave the state to clear her head, but...my M O T H E R always kept a smile on her face, and a totally awesome spirit, no matter what storm comes her way of a hurricane. My F A T H E R S deception continued until the day, thirty plus years later, divorce papers were sent by a police officer to my M O T H E R S  front door. That's when the chain of events came crashing down on all of us. 

My F A T H E R had began planning for the end of his life, with the help of his oldest sister, Minnie Lou. I would always believe she had those divorce papers written up for my F A T H E R for a reason, and it was all health wise and financial. I remember a day before my F A T H E R was admitted to the hospital, that he came out to the house with papers in hand. I met him at the end of the drive way that day. He was trying to get my M O T H E R to sign some papers, including the divorce papers. 

I asked my F A T H E R was he okay. He said, "I am fine for now." As we were walking up the driveway, my F A T H E R was talking about the papers and how my M O T H E R used a credit card he had to file for divorce. The credit card was maxed out. I told my F A T H E R that he wasn't going into the house he built to confront my M O T H E R about those papers, because I knew that the papers he had was something that was against my M O T H E R, and I wasn't going to let him go inside the house to stir up chaos. 

Then, all of a sudden, my F A T H E R said something that disturbed my until this day. He said, "I know that you M O T H E R hopes I die of cancer." I asked him, "You got cancer?" My F A T H E R never answered me like...wow...why would he said that, and I question it, and he doesn't answer me? At that particular moment, I most definitely did not let him go inside the house to confront my M O T H E R. 

I didn't want any chaos between them. That was a memory that disturbed me so much; I often wondered on the top of things, "Did my F A T H E R have cancer on top of his liver disease, since my ex aunt Minnie Lou had Power of Attorney of his life instead of my M O T  H E R having that power if something was to happen to my F A T H E R?" I thought of my M O T H E R and how she felt over everything that has happened to her with my F A T H E R and his siblings going against her with every ounce of deception they had against my M O T H E R? But, my M O T H E R kept smiling no matter what, even though, she was hurting inside. I knew this! 

My M O T H E R has been through a lot in the 70 years of her life. The first twenty-five years of her life was good (she told me) and the rest of her life came crashing down on her. Instead, she kept smiling and loving her enemies (my extended family members) no matter what. My M O T H E R was a "Legend of Love" and she took that with her to her grave. My M O T H E R rode the storm with every obstacle thrown her way.

She didn't let anything bring her sweet spirit down all the way, but she had the strength to continue riding the storm, and I will always remember that about my M O T H E R. I think of what my M O T H E R went through, and I cry about it every now and then when I look at my pillow with her picture on it. I forgave my F A T H E R for everything he did to my M O T H E R, but...I would never forget what he did to my M O T H E R no matter what. She was a strong woman in a frail body. I can't imagine the strength she had to endure everything that has happened to her. I thank GOD and his son JESUS that my M O T H E R will never have to endure pain or crying again, because she is with our maker in Heaven. 

I am happy about that!  

Healing A Bad Patch

 Book 178

Malachi 4:2 - 2. But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings; and he shall go forth ANF grow up as calves of the stall.

Luke 9:11 - 11. And the people when they knew it, followed him: and he received them, and spend unto them of the Kingdom of GOD, and healed them that had need of healing.

1 Corinthians 12:9 - 9. To another faith the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit.

As usual on a Monday evening when I go out to my son Zachary football practice to watch him practice until he was finished practicing. While I sat there watching my son, my mind was in thought of my M O T H E R...only a brief moment. I remember a time when she sat in the exact spot where I was sitting, just watching her grandson practice and enjoying herself. It's hard sometimes not having my M O T H E R in my presents, or to the point where I could talk to her in person. I know GOD and his son JESUS took her home to be with them, but...sometimes I feel that I am totally alone without a care in the world for me to fathom that I exist. 

That's the way I feel sometimes, like I am not there in reality. On a Monday, I was in Wal-Mart Christmas shopping when I saw a woman on a motor car inside the store. With the strain of my eyes, I thought I saw my M O T H E R on that motor car riding towards me. For a minute my mind was out of reality of the fact that my M O T H E R was dead. I started riding towards this woman with a smile on my face, then I came to reality when I understood that the woman was not in fact my M O T H E R. My M O T H E R in reality was deceased. 

I immediately started crying out so loud until this man and woman came towards me like they wanted to console me. They asked was I alright. I told them I will be alright. I told them that,  I'll be fine. Two days later, the though of my M O T H E R that Monday evening stayed with me after seeing that woman in Wal-Mart. On Thursday I had a really bad patch about my M O T H E R. She was totally on my mind. I remember when I got into an argument with her over certain things; minor things that didn't make no sense to me.

I found that after my M O T H E R died, I never got the chance to apologize to her, or tell her that I loved her with all of my heart. That fate ate away with me, and I cry to the point that my blood pressure rises. I have been living with the guilt of that for quite sometime, until my brother Wesley and my sister-in-law Neyome invited me come and join their church. I joined and I got Baptised so that my sins can be washed away. And then...Wesley explained to me about my baptism. When you are baptized under GOD, all of your sin are washed away, including my guilt of not apologize to my M O T H E R when I had the chance. 

I now feel better about my indiscretions when it came to my apology to my M O T H E R. My LORD had already forgiven my sin. I feel that a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I now see that my M O T H E R can now rest in peace. I feel much better where I am. I find myself a Christian for GOD and his son JESUS. 

It feels good to be where I need to be and worship with people are warm and loving towards me, no matter what color you are. I am proud to be a part of the congregation for Christ our LORD. The memories of my M O T H E R will stay with me for the rest of my life. I can tell here, " I love her" anytime, even though she has gone home to glory where she will never suffer pain, or the pain of her dialysis; she will never cry again about anything. My M O T H E R is happy living with the LORD, and I am happy about that.

My Redemption Of My M O T H E R

 Book 174

Psalms 49:8 - 8. For the redemption of their soul is precious, and it ceaseth forever.

Leviticus 25:52 - 52. And if there remain but few years unto the year of jubile, then he shall count with him, and according unto his years shall he give him again the price of his redemption. 

It's totally hard sometimes when a person like myself trying to find something to write about. I guess I can tell everyone what is on my mind that got me so curious about writing. I write to express what is on my mind. Now, I think I found something to talk about. I want to talk about my M O T H E R S upcoming birthday. She would of been three scores, ten years, and one year on the 23rd day of this month of October. 

I know that I want to celebrate my M O T H E R S life as she lived it. "A Legacy of Love." What else could I say about a woman who gave so much love? This is the reason why I want to celebrate my M O T H E R S life as she lived it. I went out to her gravesite days ago, because...I got a call from the memorial place called Sweet Dreams that designs tombstones; I did business with them almost four years ago for the design of my F A T H E R S tombstone. 

This British fellow by the name of Luke, called me to confirm that my M O T H E R S tombstone was ready to be installed at Antioch cemetery in Bealsville. I decided to stomach going out to the cemetery, even though I wasn't ready to go out to my M O T H E R S gravesite, because...her death was still fresh in my mind. My son Zachary, my niece Ta'Neisha, and I beat Luke out to the cemetery. As we pulled up to my M O T H E R S gravesite, I immediately cried out as loud as I could, because...the reality of my M O T H E R S death hit me very hard as I looked over at her grave. 

I kept staring at it like I could take my eyes off of her grave. I called out to my M O T H E R in my most deepest emotions. I kept crying out with a very hurtful cry. My heart was breaking with every ounce of strength I had in my body. The reality of my M O T H E R S death will never leave me for as long as I live. 

Then finally...I look over in the distance and saw Luke arriving with my M O T H E R S tombstone. I immediately moved out of the way so that he can prepare to place her tombstone. I proceeded towards my car and waited for Luke to set up everything he needed before I decided to walk back over to my M O T H E R S gravesite to watch him set her tombstone. It was a lot to assemble in setting the tombstone with the base and the actual stone itself. It took almost one hour for Luke to set my M O T H E R S tombstone, picture and all. 

 After Luke was finished setting my M O T H E R S tombstone, he took a picture of it (I guess) for his record of setting it up. I...came behind him and took four pictures of my M O T H E R S entire gravesite, tombstone and all. I cried once again knowing that my M O T H E R S grave had her name on it for all eternity. It was beautiful as she was and still is. I am never going to forget that I was there (even though I had to stomach being there at the cemetery) and saw my M O T H E R S tombstone set up and placed. I then shared the pictures on Facebook for everyone to see and observe. 

Dealing With Consequences And Repercussions

 Book 173

Galatians 6:7 - 8 - 7. Be not deceived; GOD is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the spirit shall of the spirit reap life everlasting. 

Romans 6:23 - 23. For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of GOD is eternal life through JESUS Christ our LORD. 

1 John 1:9 - 9. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

I find myself in deep thought about my M O T H E R and all the things I did to her when she was living. I know I'm reaping the consequences of my actions, and the repercussions on how I really treated her when things were so bad during a brief period of time in my life. M O T H E R tried to tell me some things to abide by and to take heed to, but...I would not listen to some of the things she warned me about according to what effect it will have on my life. I know that I'm paying for it and then some. My M O T H E R thought I hated her because of her outbursts towards me, being that she was just a old woman set in her way.  

I should of taken the fact to heart that my M O T H E R was just an old woman set in her way of things and I never should have been so hard on her. I had a attitude problem, I admit that! I needed to straighten that in order to be humble towards my M O T H E R when she had one of her outbursts. When I think of her, sometimes I just want her to argue with me about anything. That's how much I miss her knowing that I would never have the luxury of a M O T H E R in her mortal body again. I can only have her in spirit and in my memory. 

I can wish that everyone who still have their M O T H E R will treat her like a Q U E E N. I challenge that with everyone who still have their M O T H E R. It is a hard thing to go through life without my M O T H E R, because...she was the root of all things that mattered to me. I just miss her so much and I can't seem to come to reality of her death. That is a hard thing to do when it comes to having a M O T H E R who really have been there for me and my siblings through thick and thin and still...she landed on her feet when she got tripped up by anyone who would always keep her unbalanced. This is why the death of my M O T H E R is eating me up. With all the things I did in my past, it has come back to haunt me in a way it keeps me in tears. 

This is my season for reaping and sowing for my actions. I am suffering the consequences and the repercussions of my actions. This is by the rules and regulations of GOD when he wrote the Ten Commandments; the fifth commandment: Exodus 20:12 - Honor thy Father and thy Mother that thy days will be longer upon the earth in which the LORD thy GOD giveth thee. I now think about that commandment knowing that my M O T H E R and F A T H E R is not here anymore, it is instilled in my heart forever. It is a commandment that I would always abide by and learn from.

An Unfounded Dose Of Betrayal

 Book 172

Mark 11:25 - 25. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any; that your Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses

One day niece, you will know what it feel like to be betrayed by the one that suppose to love you unconditionally. One day niece, you will know what it feel like to be ignored when you call out to that person by their name and that person keeps walking away from you without listening to what you had to say to them and them without uttering a sound. One day niece, you will know what it feel like for you to want a hug and that person tells you that "they don't want that hug, or they don't want to talk to you, or they don't want you to touch them and they just walk out to door so full of resentment against you because...they found a indiscretion that you did that they didn't like." Understand niece, how it feels to be betrayed by the person you thought suppose to love you no matter what circumstances hit over the horizon. After all said and done, your eyes are so full of tears, because...you can't fathom the thought of what you did that was so wrong that person seem to carry so much hate. 

Yes...the facts are mutual that it is a love/hate relationship this person carries for you that you can't understand why they are doing this you when all you did was to love them with all of your might. One day niece, you are going to ask yourself, "Why did I do this to the one that loves me unconditionally without thinking twice." One day niece, you are going to imagine the thought of what you done to bring unhappiness, tears, and depression to the one who only want to reason with you when you said, "I didn't utter a greeting to you that morning, when it was obvious that you get the same greeting every morning you enter the front room. Now, it is time that I give you niece an ultimatum! How you carried yourself that morning was totally unfounded and it was betrayal to you've endured on me when all you would of received is love unconditionally. 

All this boils down to niece was all you had to do was to tell me my indiscretion straight forward and that indiscretion would of made a 360 to your satisfaction. All that could of been worked out accordingly if only you didn't have that kind of demeanor you had that morning. I didn't know how to come at you, because of this demeanor you carried so graciously. "It was scary to fathom how you were feeling that morning niece!" I will say this, "How you treated me as a elder...you had no right to treat me like that otherwise, because...I am a elder...and you treat your elders with respect." 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, you did not administer that thought. You just walked out the door in haste, and with that haste, you will reap the consequences and the repercussions of your actions. One day niece, you will know what that feel like to want love and you can't receive it. There was one thing I was told niece, and here is what I was told by someone that was also suppose to close to me when I had no one else to turn to but my self. "My daughter loves you very much!" 

Well here is my saying to the one that suppose to be close to me when I didn't have no one to turn to or to back me up when it comes to being decieved and betrayed. "If I was truly loved, everything I said in this post, would of never came to past." That's not love if a person ignores you when all you wanted to do was to talk to them and they keep walking away from you without listening to that word you had to say them; and what was so hurting, was that they tell you that say they didn't want a hug from you and that they didn't want to talk to you; and most of all...acted like they didn't want you to touch them and they walk straight out the door with that kind of haste is not love. That in itself is hate and it is total betrayal!  

The Pain Seems To Never Go Away

 Book 171

Revelation 21:4 - 4. And GOD shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

I don't think I will never get over the death of my M O T H E R as well as my F A T H E R. It is too hard to bare to even think about giving them up. I know in my heart that my pain will get better as the years go by without an ounce of forgetting that they were my parents. It is so hard on me when I heard that my M O T H E R had passed away for 45 minutes on that day of August 8. She was revived, because...the doctors and nursed did not have our permission not to revive her. I had wished that the doctor's and nurse's at that particular moment would of let my M O T H E R go so that she would not have any pain from her body hurting, or going through dialysis, no more sorrow, or crying again.

My sister Sherri, brother Wesley, and I needed to give that permission not to resuscitate our M O T H E R. That was the hardest thing that we ever had to do is to give that order. Sherri, Wesley, and I did not want our M O T H E R to suffer anymore than she had to. The order was given by my self to not resuscitate our M O T H E R, because...we as our own family unit did not want our M O T H E R to suffer. That was the reason when I went to the hospital that day on the 8th of August to make that decision to sign what took me ten minutes or more to sign those papers to remove the ventilator, the medicines that my M O T H E R  was hooked up to, and the compressors around her legs and arms. 

I did not want to stay and watch that after I signed the papers. I had the nurses assistant to remove me from the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) before they removed everything away from my M O T H E R, because...it would of been too painful to watch. I was on a journey with my sadness. I was wheeled in a wheelchair, because...I could not walk up to see my M O T H E R in ICU. I was wheeled all the way to my car and helped into it. My niece Ta'Neisha did the driving for me, because...I was not able to drive not even a little bit due to my grief. 

After the drive...I was met with Sherri, her husband Lorenzo, Wesley and his wife Neyome that day so that we all could wait for that phone call in grief about my M O T H E R S passing and to ask us what funeral home we wanted to place my M O T H E R in. That was so hard to do; it was hard on all of us to wait around for my M O T H E R S passing during the awful pandemic COVID 19 virus. It took only an hour after I came from seeing my M O T H E R in the hospital for the call to come through about her passing. My entire immediate family cried without the reluctance of shedding tears. Those tears were ever so real in our hearts for our M O T H E R. 

I would never forget that day of my family's grief. I was totally hard not grieve for the "Queen" who has given us so much love, so much comfort as my F A T H E R did as well. The pain will never go away from us no matter what we do or say. It will be hard to do even if Sherri, Wesley, and I and the rest of the family. I was only the start of a very long process for years to come. 

Memories of a M O T H E R

 Book 170

Copyright © 2020 By Author:Terri Celestine Brunson. All Rights Reserved

Synopsis:  This post is totally personal to me. I felt I had to write and tell everyone how I feel when it comes to losing my M O T H E R. It is about love, grief, and pain. I pray I can someday be eased of the pain I feel and move on with my life. 

Ephesians 6:1 - 24 - 1. Children, obey your parents in the LORD for this is right. 2. Honor they father and mother which is the first commandment with promise. 3. That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. 4. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the LORD. 5. Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear trembling in the singleness of your heart , as unto Christ. 6. Not with eyeserivice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ doing the will of GOD from the heart. 7. With good will doing service, as to the LORD and not to men. 8. Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the LORD whether he be bond or free. 9. And ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your master also is in Heaven; neither is there respect of persons with him. 10. Finally, my brethren, be strong in the LORD and in the power of his might. 11. Put on the whole armour of GOD, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. 13. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of GOD, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the brestplate of righteousness; 15. And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace: 16. Above all, taking the shield of fatih, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. 17. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword the spirit which is the word of GOD. 18. Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the spirit and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; 19. And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make know the mystery of the gospel. 20. For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that therein I may speak boldly as I ought to speak. 21. But that ye also may know my affairs, and how I do, Tychicus a beloved brother and faithful minster in the LORD, shall make know to you all things. 22. Whom I have sent unto you for the same purpose, that ye might know our affairs, and that he might comfort your hearts. 23. Peace be to the brethren and love with faith from GOD the Father and the LORD Jesus Christ. 24. Grace be with all them that love our LORD JESUS Christ in sincerity. Amen (To the Ephesians written from Rome, by Tychicus) 

No one could never replace my M O T H E R. My feelings are mutual when it comes to her. It was hard to see her without life in her body, but... to know that her soul is in Heaven, I know it! My M O T H E R was a "Legion of Love" and she was loved by everyone, known or unknown. She carried that sweet heart and sweet spirit everywhere she went.

When my M O T H E R went to glory on August 8, 2020, part of me went with her. It is hard to imagine life without my "Queen" but...with the help of GOD and his son JESUS, she helped guide me on the right path of righteousness. I acknowledge that very much to everyone who reads this post. My M O T H E R did so much for me, I can never repay her for what she has done for me in my lifetime. I miss times when me, my twin sister Sherri and I went to her favorite store "Ross." She would go into that store and get buried in the clothes in a heartbeat, while searching for that one dress to add to her collection of many dresses she had in her closet. 

Two hours she is in the store, while Sherri and I try to pull her out of the clothes. That was hard to do of course! But...Sherri and I let our M O T H E R shop as long as wanted to satisfy her needs to find a dress, or several dresses she wanted for church. My M O T H E R always shopped for a dress for church and other occasions that she was considering taking part of. She loved to shop that is all I got to say for a woman who dressed to perfection. 

I miss the times whenever Sherri, her husband Lorenzo, my son Zachary, and I would take a stroll in Lorenzo's SUV and we would go to Walmart, or to the Wawa, the fish market to buy fresh fish, or just riding around until the sunset over the horizon, my M O T H E R would always be in tow, no matter what. She was never left home...never! My M O T H E R was never lonely; never wanting to be alone. She basically rode all over the globe, especially when it came to traveling regional and international. My M O T H E R was ready and willing to travel with her suitcases already packed. I will miss that time with my M O T H E R the most. 

She loved hanging out with her classmates; since, she was on the executive board with planning Social gatherings: Banquets, Christmas Party's, Breakfasts celebration at the Recreation Center, or just getting  together with her classmates communicating about things that they loved and cherish. Either me, or Sherri would take our M O T H E R to these events. We never mind it at all, because...that was our M O T H E R. My thought...whatever benefits her enjoyment, Sherri and I made sure she had the luxury of getting there and having a awesome time at each event. 

My M O T H E R never quit, no matter how she felt being on dialysis, having diabetes, or feeling a little faint, that 70 year old woman would always push herself to beat all odds no matter how she was really feeling. I admired her strength totally in my heart. There were days when I thought I would not make it, and my M O T H E R was kicking boldly the rocks at full speed. I found myself honored and proud to have had "Mrs. Ruth Ann Thomas-Brunson" as my M O T H E R. My thoughts are totally clear when I carry this monologue I had about my M O T H E R. 

I can talk about her all day and stretching it out to the four winds of faith and peace when it came putting all my love I had for my M O T H E R, and still I still have that unconditional love for her in the grave. Everyone...love your M O T H E R unconditionally, because...once she gone, she is gone. You lose your whole word in a heartbeat. You cannot replace the "Queen" ever! She is the only one that bore you, nursed you, work almost 24 hours a day, sometimes without rest, gave love unconditionally. Everyone, love you M O T H E R while she is still on this earth, because...you will never get another M O T H E R in your lifetime. 

Our Legend Of Love Has Gone To Glory

Book 169

Copyright © 2020 by Author Terri Celestine Brunson

1 Thessalonians 4:13 - 14 - 13. But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 14. For if we believe that JESUS died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in JESUS will GOD bring with him. 

1 Thessalonians 5:23 - 23. And the very GOD of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray GOD your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our LORD JESUS Christ. 

Romans 14:8 - 8. For whether we live, we live unto the LORD; and whether we die, we die unto the LORD; whether we live therefore, or die, we are the LORD'S

Revelation 21:3 - 3. And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, behold the tabernacle of GOD is with men and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people and GOD himself shall be with them, and be their GOD. 

Synopsis:  This is a post that I will always hold dear to me and to my heart forever. My "Queen" is gone to GLORY! I want every one who reads this post to know that my M O T H E R was everything to me. This post will give who is viewing an idea of how much I loved my Queen. She was my entire world. 

I never got chance to tell my M O T H E R every thing I wanted to tell her before she passed away. I had so much to say to her. I had some things that I have done in my life to her that I wanted to apologize to her. I was not all bad about a lot of things I did in my life, but...there were some things that I have done to her that I wanted to apologize. I had this attitude about myself that I wanted to set straight with my M O T H E R. 

So, I went to South Florida Baptist Hospital where my M O T H E R  resided for almost two months.  I demanded that I see my M O T H E R in spite the COVID19. I was wearing a mask, but...I was determined to see her face to face so that I could tell her how I felt. Earlier that day as I give a timeline of what happened before I could give my apology, my M O T H E R had a cardiac attack during her Dialysis. She had died for 45 minutes, before she was revived. She had already a stroke two months before. 

But...with all that happened to her and being on a ventilator (life support) not breathing on her own, and being in a coma, I prayed that she could hear me even though when I apologized to her. I was wheelchair bound and on my way to my M O T H E R S room. I could not walk because I was so weak and numb dreading to see my M O T H E R in the state she was in. I arrived to my M O T H E R S room not knowing what to really expect. I saw my M O T H E R on a ventilator, wires were embedded into her neck and bags of fluids going into her veins. 

The nurses who were taking care of my M O T H E R had turned her towards me so that I could see her, because...I was not allowed to go into the room to see her, touch her, hug her, or kiss her, because...of the COVID19 virus had taken over every one's lives. I sat there in that wheelchair and I stared at my M O T H E R with tears in my eyes. It was a sight to see her hook up to everything I could think of her being hooked up to. She was not breathing on her own or responding to anything. My thoughts were, "I did not want to see my M O T H E R like she was and I wanted everything that she was hooked to taken off of her immediately."  

It was like, "I did not want to see my M O T H E R suffering anymore, because...she suffered enough throughout. She had a good 22 years since she had her magic kidneys and then after her kidneys shut down she been off and on Dialysis and that she had been in and out of the hospital." I knew that my M O T H E R would of wanted to be taken off of what was keeping her alive. Before I decided, I apologized to my M O T H E R for everything I did to her. I apologize for always yelling at my M O T H E R. I apologize for always trying to be right when I knew I was wrong for everything I done to upset my M O T H E R. I apologized for not being the daughter she wanted me to be. 

"In my heart, I know she heard my apology." I think about the times I did those things to my M O T H E R, all I be is ashamed of what I was to her. I cannot get back from my M O T H E R of what I should of been to her as her daughter in the first place. I got to live with that! I told my M O T H E R that I loved her unconditionally. 

And then...I made the hardest decision I had to make concerning my M O T H E R S fate." It took me 10 minutes to fill out the papers to remove the ventilator and all the bags of medications my mother was hooked to. I hesitated as I looked at my M O T H E R with tears in my eyes and then...I signed and I did not know how I signed, because...I had so many tears in my eyes. I was the last one to see my M O T H E R before I had the male nurse to take me away from my M O T H E R S hospital room, because...I did not want to see her nurses remove the ventilator or any of the medications she was hooked to. I would of been too painful to me. 

I was taken to my car by wheelchair, because...I was too numb to walk. As I looked back at the hospital, I wondered how long it would of taken after the ventilator and all the medicines and wires were taken off of my M O T H E R before she passed away peacefully, because...my M O T H E R looked like she was in total peace the last I saw of her. From the time I left the hospital, it was a little after 4:00 pm. It took almost 2 hours; my M O T H E R passed away very peacefully. She was in no more pain; she was not suffering; no more crying, no more Dialysis, no more in and out of the hospital. 

My M O T H E R was gone to GLORY! My sister Sherri, my brother Wesley, and I had to let our M O T H E R go, because...we did not want her to suffer anymore in her lifetime. We wanted her to have a wonderful life in Heaven as she lived a wonderful Christian life in the name of GOD and his son JESUS. Our M O T H E R was a beautiful woman in her FAITH and in her HEART. Especially...in love for every one known and unknown. "She was a Legend of Love!"

The Book Of Ruth

Book 168

Copyright © 2020 by Author Terri Celestine Brunson

*Links for COVID19

Ruth 1:21 - 21. I went out full, and the LORD hath brought me home again empty; why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hat afflicted me?

Ruth 4:15 - 15. And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age: for thy daughter in law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath born him. 

I found out within a blink of an eye that my MOTHER Ruth's condition was deteriorating and that she may have to go into hospice, because...when you are in hospice, there was nothing more anyone could do but to make MOTHER comfortable. For her...I know that GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time and I know that my pilots will bring my MOTHER through her time of despair after having a stroke. I find that it looked as if my MOTHERS doctor's has already written her off just for extra beds during the COVID19. My MOTHER was deteriorating in my mind since I cannot go to the hospital and see her under the circumstances of the COVID19. 

I believed that my MOTHERS deterioration was due to the fact that she cannot see her family. She really needed her family for support. My family and I cannot see what is really happening with our MOTHER while she is in the hospital. I remembered something that my MOTHER said to my twin sister Sherri while on the phone with Sherri, "Are you all mad with me is the reason you are not coming to see me?" That was the last real conversation that Sherri and our MOTHER Ruth had with each other before she could not say anything else anymore.

Sherri assured our MOTHER that we (our immediate family) was not mad with her at all. We could not go to the hospital to see our MOTHER at any cost due to the COVID19 virus. That was the precautions that my family and I had to take in order to endure what our MOTHER and our immediate family are going through. It seemed as if we were in a nightmare knowing that my family and I do not have any real answers from my MOTHERS doctor's to help us understand what was really going on with my MOTHER and her prognosis since she recovered a little from her stroke. Her prognosis was the main source of information that we needed to understand my MOTHERS condition.

I felt as if the doctor's and nurses were going against protocol and holding back from my family and I the information that me and my family should know about. Sherri have been keeping me and our brother Wesley Jr. updated on our MOTHERS condition, since she is in fact the oldest. It was after 5:00 pm that day and I asked Sherri on our MOTHERS condition. Sherri have not heard from our MOTHERS doctor, but...she said that she was fine, because...she had conversed with a social worker about our MOTHERS health and condition, so, it was nothing to be worried about. It was late in the afternoon, and my MOTHERS condition seemed to have improved. 

Sherri had spoken to our MOTHER over the phone, since we cannot go and see her due to the COVID19 virus. Our MOTHER turned her head to the receiver and grunted into the phone to Sherri. Sherri and I felt that was a good sign that our MOTHER will be talking not soon, but...whenever GOD and his son JESUS see fit for our MOTHER to talk; our MOTHER will talk. We both knew that it would be a long drawn out process for our MOTHER. Sherri and I will not rush it! 

We will give our MOTHER all the time she need to recuperate from her stroke. The was the happiest moment of my life just to know that my MOTHER grunted into the phone to Sherri for the first time in a month. MOTHER is still not moving her right side (leg and arm) her left side, she is moving just fine. We feared that our MOTHER will be partially paralyzed that is for sure and that she will be in a wheelchair for quite sometime until it is time for her to receive physical therapy. GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time. 

Even though...my MOTHER is the same position she is in and that is how Sherri, Wesley Jr., and I will see her when she comes out of the hospital. My MOTHER is paralyzed on her right arm and leg...virtually her whole right side. Her left side of her body, she has motor skills. There will be no therapy required until my MOTHER comes back to herself. One week and a half later...my MOTHER seemed to have recovered more from what I thought was depression from not being able to see her family due to the COVID19.

She is moving the left side of her body; she is alert and responsive to sound and voices; she is opening her eyes and closing them; she cannot speak, nor move her right side at all, but...she is more responsive than anything we imagined. MOTHER is slowly coming back to us in a nutshell. It will be a while before my MOTHER recovers from everything that she has been through. Me and my family will be doing a lot of praying while she continues to recover from her ordeal. 

All me and my family know is that MOTHER will need total care no matter what we say or how we feel as much as we hate it, our MOTHER will have to be sent to a nursing home for her total care. With Sherri and I and my brother-in-law Lorenzo disabled, there is nothing more we could do to give my MOTHER the total care she needed to make her feel comfortable; she will have to go to a nursing home for her total care. It makes me sad of the thought of a nursing home, but...that was the only option me and my family had in reality for our MOTHER. I had wished if it was another way, or another option that we could come up with to secure our MOTHERS safety. Only GOD and his son JESUS only knew the answer to that. 

It was only obvious that the nursing home was me and my family's last option, and only GOD and his son JESUS will take care of our MOTHER throughout her care. All we could do is pray. As I update on my MOTHERS condition, "Praise GOD and his son JESUS Christ for bringing my MOTHER out of her catharsis state. She is now talking! She know who we are (Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I) and it's like we are now a whole family again. My MOTHER got a lot of rehabilitation to go threw and she will be fine in the mighty name of GOD and his son JESUS. My pilots has answered all of our prayers!