Feeling Lonely: Looking On The Positive Side Of The Horizon

Book 40 - Life In Reality For My Twin Sister And Myself

Galatians 2:20 - 20. I am crucified with Christ; nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me; and the life which I live in the flesh I live by faith of the son of GOD, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

First of all, I would like to thank GOD and his son JESUS for another day here on earth. I would like to thank my pilots for life health and strength and bringing my family and I through one of the roughest patches during the past eight months since my father's illness until the time of his death. Wow! As I said time and time again; what it feels like for me living life without my mortal rock here on earth. It's hard to say good bye to what once was and what it is now.

I think of my dad every single day. It's hard not to. But...I know life must go on regardless.  I can live in the world of the deceased. I must start living again; as so my twin sister, Sherri. To know that our father is in a better place, living, rejoicing, smiling without any pains in his body, and not in the grasp of his sister who took power of attorney over his life. That makes me feel awesomely good!  Still...not being able to be within my father's presence will always be with me and my sister for infinity.

I guess that why this emptiness my sister and I feel and carry within our hearts, minds, and souls.  A lonely feeling our mother doesn't recognize, or see any of the signs we show her that we rely and long for her attention, even at our age as her grown children. "It's not easy for either of us to live still in grief for our father after two months four days to this date to be ignored by our own mother when we need her the most." At least that's the way we feel at this present moment. The silence is killing us!

All my sister and I can do is pray every single day without cease. There is something I need to say before I close this post. My sister-in-law Neyome; we love her with all of our hearts, but she may be taking what we've been longing for from our mother. That's okay! My sister and I are not going to narcissistic imbalance, or fret about what our sister-in-law need because her mother is ten thousand miles away in Sri-Lanka.

So it's understandable about all the attention she's getting from our mother. "She needs to feel wanted and loved, because she's lonely and longing for mother too." So I will keep praying for my sister and I to continue to cope with our father's death. Talk with our mother about our real feelings, hoping she'll recognize and see the signs of wanting and needing some sort of comfort and the attention from a mother who really loves her children; her twin daughters. Maybe I want take that ride after all on the edge of the horizon.

My sister and I just want to feel wanted and loved, that's all. Our father's death was extremely hard on us. May GOD and his son JESUS give my sister and I all the strength and the comfort we need to live without tears everyday.  It will get easier, in the name of our pilots.