Walking Towards Redemption

Book 163

Proverbs 20:5 - 5. Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but...a man of understanding will draw it out. 

Psalms 69:14 - 14. Deliver me out of the more, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters. 

Caution: The identities of my niece and nephew are protected under the love I have for them. Readers discression advised! 


More likely, the force is with me in the matter of my status as a unloved aunt with a lot of emotions that has mentally engulped life as far as I saw it. Too much time has passed, and it seemed like nothing is getting better with my relationship with...especially my niece. My nephew on the other hand...still has mixed feelings about me, and the relationship is still a bit estranged in a whole lot of ways. They hardly talk to me about anything, no matter what that may be, they just don't talk to me period. They don't talk about their problems to me, nor do they give me a hint of what's going on in their lives.

What did I do to deserve such attitude? I know I've had some faults that I attend to address on my own, and with no fault of my own, but...will make available upon request. What I can suggest in the matter of my two silent parties (niece and nephew) is that I spot the complete ingredients of  selfishness, and a ton of non compassion for me from the both of them. I'm getting so tired of the silent, but...double silent drama. It has taken toll on my life as a mature adult who has been on the peak of the mountain, and I'm starting to climb down with a lot of caution that I don't get tripped up in my emotions that I feel.

What double webs are weaved several times over the doubts I feel? I questions it with a vengeance! And yet...I find myself in tears most of the time when I'm alone with these thoughts dancing around in my head. My steps are light as I continue to walk on egg shells when it comes to my niece and nephew's corrupt attitudes towards me. I know that someday, I will get answers, and why with my conscience they seem to carry this love/hate relationship with me.

My requiring mind really want to know why is this happening to me, after all I've done for my niece and nephew. And sometimes I wish that my twin sister and her husband would open their eyes and see the emotions I've dealt with concerning their children.

Tormented With Immediate Family Deception

Book 162

Matthew 5:38 - 39 - 38. Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for eye, and a tooth for a tooth; 39. But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite thee on they right cheek, turn to him the other also. 



Who knows what to do, or what to say about people you love so much. The word "family" mean so much to me. I couldn't fathom my family doing me, or mines wrong in a sense so logic, like my what my extended ex family did to my immediate family. You know...that extended ex family who deceived my immediate family in a way that was unfounded during the last six months of my FATHER'S sickness, and of his life. But...I don't want to get into that travesty, because...it's too painful to bare, and it's quite intolerable

I had an experience with a few of my "younger" family members, and I can't believe how they really act towards me, especially when its a love, and then a hate relationship. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with these two who seem to give me grief and heartbreak every chance they get. I choose not to enclose their names due to the extreme love I have. "No hate for them at all, because...they are my niece and nephew." What did I ever do to them?

I always question that logic.in a sense of understanding without judgement. But...you know, GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time when times are like this, and everything I'm going through. I found that my nephew in general loves to give out information to my niece...whenever something goes on in the apartment we're living. He spares no expense, nor a bet on "tattle tale" himself to death, if only a brief moment to my niece about what goes on, whether, or if anyone in the apartment is arguing about something, or they did something, my niece knows about. I found myself getting very upset about this deception my niece and nephew is carrying on. and I'm totally, and emotionally, and mentally tired of it. Even though...it's not my apartment, and I don't have any say over the renter of the apartment, but I'm considered the "older adult" surrounded by deception.

But...like I say, "GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time. Because...when I think of way they try to get rid of me and my son out of the apartment for what reason; I don't know, I still question why do they have this love...hate thing for me? The answers will come when consequences and repercussions gather at the crown of their heads to the soles of their feet. A brain is a terrible thing to waste these days. But...I pray that someday they will see the good in me that their blinded too; and to do this to their aunt, because...I'm set in my ways of how I do things, and it's that logic in itself is a fact of the matter.

I'm done! I'm at this very point of no return, and I'm very sick and tired of being treated like a martyr in the family, and this relic is too old, and it's rubbing off on my son Zachary. And 99.9% of the time, whatever happens, it's clearly not my fault, but...the fault of other who consistently provoke the situation and wants attention, while I get chewed out.  A few days ago, I acted out, not in haste, but...with heartbreak and hurt. You get sick and tired of being sick and tired! That's logical.

Where Is The Heart Of Home?

Book 161

Psalms 34:17 - 20 - 17. The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. 18. The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite. 19. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but...the LORD delivereth him out of a them all. 20. He keepeth all his bones; not one of them is broken. 

I'm wondering where is home going to be in a few weeks. A lot of people don't know what it's like to be in a position where you're put on the spot, once again, after 2nd of December 2019, my family and I had to move out of our double wide mobile home, due to the month to month status that we were secretly placed in when our landlord did not want to renew our lease back in September of 2019. We were considered homeless (since we didn't have "our" own roof anymore) to the point we had to move in with my niece Octavia, until we found another place to stay...so I thought. We've been with my niece for four months and one week exactly. My brother-in-law Lorenzo doesn't want to rent anymore.

He want to build a magnificent home for all of us to live. But...my family and I are placed in situation once again; it's like we're put on the spot of being homeless...once again. May 2nd is arriving very fast, and my niece Octavia will not be renewing her lease where we're all in residence, and there is so much for me to do and think about. My twin sister Sherri, her husband Lorenzo, their grand children: Ta'Neisha, Laila, Christian, and our mother Ruth, have a place to go, along with my niece Octavia. They will be residing with at my brother-in- law Lorenzo mother's home. For Zachary and I...we do have a place to go with my nephew Justin, but...it seems like my nephew really don't want us there (just saying...) because of a girl he wants there with him. Justin (for the time being) has no choice but to let Zachary and I reside temporarily at his new home, until my family and I magnificent home is built.

All we (my family and I) could do is put our hardships of moving around so much within four years, in the hands of GOD and his son JESUS to prepare us for what's ahead. There will be a lot of work to do in the time we have at Octavia's home. I'm dreading the big move after four months and one week, but...we (family and I) don't have any other options. Yes...it was Octavia's decision to do what ever she want to do, and that's to end her lease with the residence we've resided for months. "Our hardships are in GOD and his son JESUS hand!"

Home Is A Luxury

Book 160

Romans 16:26 - 26. But now is made, and by the scriptures of the Prophets according to the commandment of the everlasting GOD, made known to all Nation's for the obedience of faith.



Links To Main Website For #COVID19



My blessings is full of joy as I post. Staying home is a luxury due to the #COVID19 virus that's hitting us hard worldwide. Lots of people complain about staying home and being couped up with hardly nothing to do. "Praying to GOD and his son JESUS is totally nice to do, when their giving you another life to live during this deadly #COVID19 virus." Giving your life to our pilots for sparing you from getting the #COVID19 is a all time luxury to have, and is truly a blessing to be thankful for.

I wish people in general will take that to heart, instead of thinking only about themselves, and not giving thanks for their lives, health and strength, and living beyond the #COVID19 virus without any thought of being fearful of the disease, if they trust in GOD and his son JESUS to surround themselves with their shield of protection. It's not hard to fathom why this virus spands worldwide, but...you got remember this, "When our pilots are mad of how evil this world has become to the point their vengeance is released with a vengeance to let us all know, their not kidding about the possibilities of one gaining repentance for all of our sins, and the evil we've done in and around this globe, and unto others that are totally unfounded." If we're told to stay home for many reasons, '#COVID19' is the ultimate reason why we are secluded to our homes, or we pay the ultimate price for being hard headed, and not obeying this lock down that has gone into effect worldwide. Don't complain about things we as a Nation, and worldwide cannot change, even if we all wanted to do so. We can't get another life (if we survive with a miracle) the #COVID19 once it hit our bodies.

A whole lot has to be considered in this case. Obedience is a must! If our Governor's, Senators, down to our President say, "Stay home for your protection, then do as your told without uttering a complain about your freedom to wander when you want to, because you may just end up paying that ultimate price of someone who are randomly in our midst, and out there coughing on you and everyone without covering their mouths." Think of the logics of this matter, and stay home, because it's a luxury to do so. May GOD add a blessing to our souls, for the edification of our hearts. This is what we all need to correct and change for our protection.

My Time, My Life On Standby

Book 159 - Special Edition Post -

     

Romans 8:18 - 18. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

I didn't know...I just found out, since I don't look at the news often, but...for the past three days, the State of Florida has been on a lock down, because of the #COVID19 virus pandemic. All of the counties have curfews to be inside their homes at a certain time; I don't know what time the curfew will go into effect, but...I know that it will be until further notice. "I knew this would happen!" Some where along the line, I knew this would happen. This will delay my trip to Jamaica for the up coming days ahead.

I know for sure, Alrick is going to be very upset. I can't help the fact that I can't make the trip to Jamaica. He told me not to delay my trip at no given time. With that said, I got to abide by what is official until the lock down is over. So again...with that said, my trip to Jamaica will have to wait until in April. I don't know where in April that I will be traveling; I know that I'm going to be on delay until then. I'm still waiting on my funding so I can travel to Jamaica, because...my heart aches and I really want to be with my future husband.

I need time with him! I can't stand to look at him through video on my phone no longer. I want to see Alrick face to face. I guess...I can say, things like this happen for a reason, and I don't know why. I know that so much has happened during the time Alrick and I were in a argument, I do know that things with us will get better as soon as I arrive in Jamaica.

I'm praying to GOD, and his son JESUS, that I will finally make my trip to Jamaica. I know that Alrick's anger will soon turn into joy when I arrive there, and we will find ourselves in the midst of our love making; and I know that nothing more will interfere with that. I know our love making will last a lifetime and that it will bring the next generation of our new family into reality. I know that I will always keep that close to my heart for as long as I live life with Alrick as his devoted wife. When this lock down is over, and I receive my money, I will find myself on a plane to Jamaica to be with my future husband, and we can start building our lives to the fullest.

So I say to Alrick, "I know that the time you've been waiting on me to come to Jamaica has been rough, prolonged, and impatient on you, but...I know in my heart when I tell you this, 'When time finally fulfill your needs as your wife, as your companion, as your lover, as your best friend, and as one." lapse, it's a reason for everything that is happening', but...when that time come for me, I will Please baby...be patient with me, because I know that you would like nothing more, than for me to be there side by side with you. GOD and his son JESUS does everything for a reason. I pray so hard that I will be there before our anniversary, which is on the 7th of April.

Your told me once to tell you everything you need to know about me, and what I'm doing and how I'm preparing myself for life with you. Please I beg you...please...please...be patient with me. "I love you more than my life right now!" I love you unconditionally.

Let's Be Honest About The Things We Should Be Honest About!

Book 158

2 Corinthians 4:2 - 2. But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handing the word of GOD deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of GOD.

1 Timothy 2:2 - 2. For kings, and for all that are in authority that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. 

What more can I do about the situation I'm in with Alrick. He doesn't really understand what I'm trying to do to make his surprise more exciting. But...I told my twin sister Sherri to forget his surprise, and go with what I have with the money to Jamaica. $2,500 dollars to be exact! For me...I feel what I told my sister (to forget the surprise) will be a learning lesson for Alrick, to never doubt what I'm trying to do to make things better for us in Jamaica.

I know in my heart that he'll be upset with me, as he always have been, for a week; in and out of one argument to the next, and its about the money. How will I tell Alrick about the money I had in the bank for my trip to Jamaica? How will I tell him that I'm very short of the amount I said I had? How will I tell him that I had to use most of the money for things I had to do that were very important? I've kept this secret in far too long to let him know why my trip is prolonged.

When I told him about my sister and her husband Lorenzo had to cancel their trip to Las Vegas, Nevada, because of the "Corona Virus" that's lingering around the entire world, and that my son Zachary will not be home alone after all, he snapped on me in a heartbeat. We argued for at least an hour and a half about my sister and her husband's cancellation of their trip, and I don't why that was. I knew for sure that Alrick was going to ask me about their money, and the money I had in the bank. This was why I couldn't tell him about the money in the bank, because I'm very short of cash, and I need a little more to equal the amount I'm bringing to Jamaica (that my sister and her husband are going to give to me) instead of Alrick's surprise that I had in store for him. With all the arguments we had, is the reason I told my sister to cancel Alrick's surprise, and I didn't tell her why I cancelled the surprise.

Like I stated at the beginning of this post, "Cancellation of the surprise will be a learning lesson for Alrick" to never doubt me about anything I'm trying to do to make our lives better. That is the repercussions that one must endure for their attitude, spasms, and mayhem that was inflicted on me. But...most part, I deserve most of the problems that were inflicted on me for not telling Alrick about the money I had in the bank, and that it wasn't enough to really do anything, like taking care of the house the Alrick had reserved for us in Jamaica. I pray the house is still there in the name of JESUS! LORD I pray that it's still there 'reserved' for us to have for the entire month I will be in Jamaica.

I hope that Alrick will forgive me for everything I put him through. For the amount of love that he give me unconditionally, I really need to change my ways, as he stated to me in a conversation we had over a week ago, I believe. I guess I never had that kind of love before, not even with my son's father. I know now how important I am to Alrick. I admit to all the problems I cause Alrick for not disclosing the truth about the money I had in the bank.

I guess I felt...I was most afraid that I would lose my "sweet boy" who's all man for his age...over twenty plus years my senior. I guess I was to...testing myself to see how much this man love me. But still...I'm so afraid I will lose my sweet boy! I pray that he allow me to still come and be with him as his wife in Jamaica. I can only hope when he read this post if the offer still stand and that he will still love me, and be his wife. This is a learning lesson for me as well!

"Well...I had to express myself on 'electronic paper' to prove a point to my fiance, because I couldn't tell him to his face in fear that he would leave me." 

When Our Lives Is About Unconditional Love And Happiness

Book 157 - Special Edition Post

1 Peter 3:7 - 7. LIkewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 

Ephesians 5:31 - 31. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.



I've learned so much about my life in one heartbeat after another. I found myself in a midlife crisis, and it was hard for me to believe that I can act out of malice and self pity over things that was not necessary to argue about. My fiance Alrick and I had a terrible argument about doing thinks that mattered to both of us. And for no apparent reason, I started an argument about money, and other things that I don't care to explain, because it's too private to talk about. I was very mean and nasty to Alrick, and I felt so ashamed of myself for carrying on like I did.

I did apologize to my Alrick for my totally ugly behavior. It's just...I don't want to lose what I have with him. I trying to make my way into his heart and into his arms in Jamaica by the end of this month. I just hope that nothing out of the ordinary come up, or I don't let him down, because I've already changed plans from the middle of the month (on the 15th) to the end of month on the 31st of March. I just hope I don't disappoint him! And...I don't want him to be upset with me if something comes up and I can't make the trip at the end of the month.

I'm really praying to GOD and his son JESUS to make it happen for me to travel (even with the Corona Virus) that's going around, I know that my GOD and his son JESUS will put a shield of protection around me as I travel to Jamaica. I know I will be covered in the name of my pilots above. "Please GOD, let me make my trip to Jamaica without anymore problems, or delays." I've delayed Alrick enough to want to be there in Jamaica, and in his arms as soon as I get off of my plane. Please GOD...let it be for me to travel and be with Alrick, and we get married, conceive our baby, and move on with our lives as we see it.

I know it will be beautiful! Alrick love's me more than himself put together. He has shown me more than twice, more than I can count. Communication is a must, as well as trust for one another with honesty without holding back. I give my life to Alrick, as I live it without haste and anger.

I love him so much; even more than myself. Alrick and I will always love unconditionally! 😍😘🙏 "Father GOD...in you holy and blessed name, I pray for Alrick and I, that we make it in our marriage, and that we shall prosper with our lives as we see fit with you ahead of all things that we will go through as husband and wife." We will have problems; we will go through battles fought in wars that we can win together; we can strive and mend our relationship with communication, trust, faith, hope and glory and that we solve our problems in a instant; we will continue to live by your word, I pray...amen. 

Love Doesn't Discriminate Ones Obligations To Love Unconditionally

Book 156 - Special Edition Post

Psalm 85:10 - 10. Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other. 

When I think of all the laughing and talking about everything we could think of off the top of our heads, I remember the good times we had as soul mates so happy and in love. "Those were the good times Alrick and I shared." And then...I think of all the times we argued off the top of our lungs about everything we could think of off the top of our heads, "Those were our trials and tribulations that consumed us at the time of despair." But...we can still love unconditionally with all the strength we have in our bodies to survive it's raft, not only once, or twice, but...a dozen times to the point of losing count of all the times we laughed, talked and argued. This is all in a relationship!

Alrick and I have been through so much in our lives in such a brief time, it's hard to cross all the "T's" and dot all the "I's" through those rocky paths we struggled to walk through without cutting into our conscience. We both pray, we continue in communication about our rights and wrongs, only to see which one weight the most in our vocabulary. We live for our lives, we live for the future; we will still live for all the good times we will have, and all the bad times we must go through just to see how much we can still survive without wallowing in our grief. Alrick and I know there will be times that we will shed tears of sorrow after we've been through an argument, and we know there will be tears of joy when we live, laugh, and love every minute of every second we have a pleasant conversation. That's life above and beyond everything a couple "soul mates" must go through without being reluctant to the consequences and the repercussions it has on the relationship itself. 

Alrick and I are going to live a lifetime of those repercussions it will have on our relationship. We must continue to survive it's raft, and continue to move on towards the future. Alrick and I will love a lifetime, even though our child we will conceive through the unconditional love that we have for one another. Nothing could come in between that, but the LORD our GOD, if they chose to separate us in death. Only prayer and patience will keep us in a abundance of faith, trust, belief, grace, glory, blessings and love with the strength of our pilots above.

We cannot ask for more than that!