Sheba's Unconditional Love For My FATHER.

Book 127

1 John 4:18 - 18. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear, because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 

I find myself thinking more and more of my FATHER, but...I'm not shedding any tears, because...I'm so tired of crying, because I can't bring my FATHER back, but I still cry. The one thing I think about is that I have a part of my FATHER that is loyal and totally special. I've adopted my FATHER'S puppy dog, Sheba. Well...she's not so much of a puppy, she's almost five years old this coming the 13th of May. Every time I look at Sheba, I think of my FATHER. She's a constant reminder of him.

I remember a time when my sister and I visited our FATHER'S graves site. We brought Sheba with us to our FATHER'S grave site. We let Sheba out of the car. She wandered around briefly around the graves. And before our eyes, she walked up to our FATHER'S grave without my sister and I assisting her. She sat down right in front of our FATHER'S grave without hesitation and laid down.

I was astonished! It kind of scared me a little, but...I got to say, with a extensive amount of loyalty that Sheba had for the man who was her caretaker, brought a lot of love, joy and happiness to my heart. Sheba continue to lay right in front of my FATHER'S grave. I kind of wondered if my FATHER soul can see Sheba laying in front of his grave. I wonder if Sheba can see him. Only GOD and his son JESUS know that for a fact.

Sherri and I almost had to pry Sheba off of our FATHER'S grave site so that we can leave. Loyalty guides Sheba's life when it comes to our FATHER, and it makes me happy and totally proud. Even though...I miss my FATHER very much. I feel Sheba miss my FATHER even more than myself, because of her loyalty to him. I can't imagine the unconditional love Sheba had for my FATHER.

One Of Our Lazy Days

Book 126

Proverbs 6:6 - 10 - 6. Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. 7. Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler. 8. Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food i the harvest. 9. How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? When wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? 10. Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep. 

Its just one of those days I'm just sitting around watching awesome episodes of 'The Little House on the Priarie' and chilling out with a cold can of diet Dr. Pepper...and a little tired too. I'm holding up just fine, if I can only take my mind off of being tired and a little sleepy. All though...it's hard to do sometimes, but...I know that I'll find my way around the deep hanging bags and dark circles under and around my eyes. Let me see...what can I talk about while I got my mind set on what to say? Here's what I say, "I will take some time out to do a little laundry; about three loads and counting."

While I do laundry, then I'll find time to sit down in my favorite spot in the world wide world...punk out and get thirty minutes of rest and relaxation. That's what I'll do to ease the fact that I'm totally out of commission with a lot of sleep in my eyes. Afterwords...I got up and finished sorting and washing my laundry. My son Zachary and I decided to take a ride over to my nieces apartment collect my mother Ruth, my twin sister Sherri and one her grand children, Justin Jr and her daughter-in-law Alysia.

We waited until my nephew Christopher got home from work. It wasn't a hour before he called to let all of us know that he was on his way home. Sherri, our mother Ruth and I packed up all of our belongings and waited for Christopher to come home to his children: Ta'Neisha, the oldest, Laila and Christian. His trucker wife Octavia was on the road dropping off loads, attaching loads to her truck,  and carrying them to different locations all over the central and eastern United States. Once Christopher arrived, we were ready to go home and relax; watch a couple of movies. Sherri, my mother Ruth, Alysia, Justin Jr. my son Zachary, and I left after a brief moment with Christopher, laughing and talking about all kinds of things...our usual stuff we all talk about.

We all arrived at home...I turned on the television...I flipped through all the channels...until I came upon a movie that my family loved. It was called, 'The Soldier's Story'. It was a nice movie with a little kick to it...if you're not too particular about the time period of the movie, which was 1944. Sherri and I were the only ones who were up and about while everyone else decided to go to bed, instead of watching the movie with us. That's how we ended the night into the early morning. That's all folks, it's bed time for Sherri and myself.

GOD'S Vengeance, Justice, Wisdom And My Comfort Will Prevail

Book 125

Job 38:17 - 17. But thou hast fulfilled the judgment of the wicked: judgment and justice take hold on thee.

Psalms 89:14 - 14. Justice and judgment are the habitation of thy throne: mercy and truth shall go before thy face. 

Psalms 119:121 - 121. AIN. I have done judgment and justice: leave me not to mine oppressors. 

Isaiah 56:1 - 1. Thus saith the LORD, Keep ye judgment, and do justice: for my salvation is near to come, and my righteousness to be revealed. 

Isaiah 59:14 - 14. And judgment is turned away backward, and justice standeth afar off: for truth is fallen in the street, and equity cannot enter. 

Everyday it seems to get easier, but...sometimes it get harder to fathom the heartbreak I feel. I'm not going to mention too much what is most important to me, because...I know everyone get tired of me going on and on about my FATHER, but...he was everything to me and more. He is the reason why I write so many posts dedicated to him, so that I can cope, find some comfort, and remember the good times I had with him. But...I don't know how to get rid of the fact that he was murdered. How do I get rid of that thought...that bad memory I ingested into my heart?

Who's to say, or judge the fact that my FATHER was murdered by an extreme overdose of morphine? Because he was! GOD and his son JESUS is the only supernatural awesomeness that can fight my battles, and my trials and tribulations I got through everyday to try and cope with the death of my FATHER. For those who participated in his death, will suffer their fate. And...they know who they are in a man-fold.

I must try to get over him, but...its still hard for me to fathom his murder. I know I must! I know I must give this hurt, this void I feel to GOD and his son JESUS to deal with for my name sake. I know I must leave what was once was alone and let my pilots handle the pain I endured, the emotional havoc and chaos, the deception and indiscretions of those who brought shame to my immediate family and I. It's the only way I'm going to finally heal...just a little...from my heartbreak, the torment my immediate family and I went through, and with the Post Traumatic Stress I was diagnosed with.

Only GOD and his son JESUS will prevail with their vengeance. Stepping back is my only option towards comfort and healing. My pilots is the answer for my world today and then some. I know that one day, I will finally find the comfort from my traumatic situation. One day I will!