Philippians 1:3 - 5 - 3. I thank my GOD upon every remembrance of you. 4. Always in prayer of mine for you all making request with joy. 5. For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now.
I found myself like any other day sitting around doing nothing but spending time with my son Zachary and watching Cold Case. I love watching Cold Case, because it gives me a chance to catch up on unsolved cases from the past times that no other person want to solve. While I watched Cold Case, I began to think about some of the times I spent with my FATHER. I miss him so much. But...there's nothing I could do to bring him back. He's gone forever.
Finally I'm starting to accept the fact that's he's gone forever. I know now I must move on now with my life. It's been hard to fathom sometimes, knowing that I'm never going to have my FATHER back in my life again. I'm missing the smell of barbecue every single day that I want a piece of chicken, or pulled pork. Life as I know it will never be the same as it was and how I saw it when my FATHER would always stand in his front yard barbecuing, telling jokes and laughing with his old friends from his high school days.
So many memories still cloud my mind when I think of the time when my FATHER was in the hospital off and on for the last six months of his life. All and all...the memories of my FATHER'S "last" stay in the hospital was terrible, but all and all was forgiven, but never forgotten. I found myself in that mode for forgiveness...for my now ex aunt (of whom I choose now not to mention) Mrs "POA" aka Power of Attorney. I added another aunt of whom I believe...chose to scheme from my FATHER'S accounts while he was alive. I now found myself not wanting to talk about, or mention their names, or what they did to my FATHER the last days of his life.
I find myself wanting peace more than I want to talk about what these two women did to my FATHER. I feel as though I just want to move on with life and let GOD and his son JESUS take care of their indiscretions. I know I would finally feel better about what's going to happen to my ex aunt's when reaping and sowing for what they had done to my FATHER will come to past. But...the memories of my FATHER will always going to be there no matter what I do, or how I see it. As I mentioned before, it's been hard of my immediate family trying to fathom without my FATHER, or to live without his jokes, his laughter and his world famous barbecue.
I'm going to continue praying amongst myself and with my immediate family and I will move on from this. I can no longer talk against what has past tense. It's better to move on and let GOD and his son JESUS take care of everything and everyone who caused us sorrow. I find myself more happier than I've ever been in my life. I just want to find peace to live with the death of my FATHER and move on.
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