Once Twice The Indiscretions

 Book 194 

Romans 5:9 - 11 - 9. Much more them being justified by his blood we shall be saved from draft through him. 10. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to GOD by the death of his son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. 11. And not only so, but we also joy in GOD through our LORD JESUS Christ, by whom have now received the atonement. 

When a person like myself have a situation at hand when it comes to a sibling, you got to take the bitter with the sweet to get through the day without going crazy. This is how it is with me and my sister Sherri. She makes you so angry sometimes to a point, you want to peel her skull and not ruin her hair in the process. Yes, we are in a spat about WiFi Internet that I asked her nicely to for, Sherri acted like she didn't want me to access to it. I decided to go ahead and change my mind about having access to her WiFi Internet.

Then, all heck broke loose, because I changed my mind and decided to back out. I told her that, "I am not trying to start anything with her, but...I notice that she was not talking and that she looked like she wasn't feeling well." At that moment, Sherri had told me she had a headache. I was going to accept the fact that she had a headache, until she told me that I was evil, and that our M O T H E R was right about me being rough and mean to her. Sherri had brought back and opened up old wounds about my spats with our M O T H E R, that I simply apologized to her on her death bed, before she was released to the Kingdom of GOD. It seemed like every time we had a spat, she would throw our M O T H E R in my face about the spats we use to have. I felt that was wrong of her to do that to me, when I already made peace with my, before she died. 

Sherri other indiscretion was also throwing her husbands parents in my face so that they can get them upset with me for them to look at me any kind of way like I am trash. I wasn't going to take it anymore with my sister throwing people in my face, including our deceased M O T H E R because it was a low blow to me to use our M O T H E R in that manner. I told my brother Wesley about what she did. He was totally upset with Sherri that she would rehash and bring up old wounds about our M O T H E R and I having having spats, and throwing her husband Lorenzo parents in the mix to get them upset with me over our spat with each other. I wasn't going to take it no more with my sister throwing people in my face, the main one I loved so much in my face, because it was ludicrous, unfounded, and ignorant. 

That was when I started praying for Sherri about her actions, and the fact that she had a headache, and about the fact that I was concerned about her, because she wasn't talking at all throughout the morning. It was like she was taking her frustrations out on me, and accusing me for arguing with her and I wasn't raising my voice to her. I was totally shock at the way she was acting. I left well enough alone and let GOD handle her problem, whether if it was all of her medicine she's taking bothering her, or if she just had a bad attitude from the effects of her medicines. I don't know anymore! 

My whole demeanor had changed about her when it came to her throwing people, including our M O T H E R in my face, and then rehashing up old wounds. "I am done taking it!" 

What Is To Be Lonely In The Hospital

 Book 193 

John 8:16 - 16. And yet if I judge, my judgement is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.

I am informing everyone about my stay in the hospital 🏨 so that I can so I can basically get some kind of rest 🛌 and relaxation, besides catching bronchitis 😪👃👄👅 While I am recuperating from bronchitis, I am going to write about my feelings that I am experiencing 😐 I am really thinking about my M O T H E R and how she felt after her major stroke, and how she came through it was a true blessing 🙏🏾 What I am trying to say is about how she felt being alone for approximately two months after she was admitted to the hospital 🏨 during the the time 🕛 when COVID 19 was so bad during the early part of 2020 four months before her death 💀  I was starting to feel just like she felt 😢 alone and abandoned 😣 Now I know the feeling when family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 can't come to visit 🕥  

Only one person can come to visit me, mask included 😷 No other family member can visit 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 This is the rules that the hospital 🏨 set to keep everyone safe, even if everyone who has gotten vassenated 💉for COVID19 Virus 💀 M O T H E R was alone throughout her stay in the hospital 🏨 No one could visit her at all, because of the effectiness and the extent of the COVID19 virus during the early part of 2020 💀 So I can imagine my M O T H E R feeling alone and succluded from her family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

This is the way I feel, and it doesn't feel good at all 😣 I really miss my family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 even though, it's only been only three days since I have been hospitalized 🏨 I hope I never feel the fate of being alone again, because it's a bad feeling to feel when you don't have your family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 near you for support 👩‍❤️‍👨 and during the time 🕥 when you're down and out; like my M O T H E R was 😣 Only the hospital staff became her makeshift family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 a little before she before she died in their presence 💀 I still could not get close to my M O T H E R even though when I was finally allowed by the hospital 🏨 to see her just before the doctors and nurses removed her from life support 💀 

I am waiting to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 even though my M O T H E R didn't get that opportunity to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 I am blessed 🙏🏾 to have the opportunity to go home 🏡 to recuperate there 😃 I feel that my M O T H E R really didn't die 💀 alone, but with the presence of Christ, my LORD 🙏🏾 she wasn't alone, and she was at peace ✌🙌 I feel good about that 😊

Broken With Sentimental Value

 Book 191 - Special Edition Post 

Psalms 147:3 - 3. He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

How can anyone break something so "Sentimental" to us? This was a heart that wasn't meant to be broken for 8 years past its expiration date. Then you have someone at the cemetery where my M O T H E R is buried, brake what was sentimental and precious to me and the rest the family. "What does it take for someone to care about someone's property?" Maybe so...that one day, someone will care about the dead in GOD and his son JESUS, and the family who gave great thought in placing a "heart" that was beautifully engraved with the most beautiful name in the world to me, Ruth Ann Brunson. 

I was so hurt when I saw my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light when my brother in law Lorenzo brought from the cemetery. I got to admit, I was pretty upset with the cemetery grounds keeper for breaking my M O T H E R S heart solar light. He said, "That there was to be nothing stuck in the grounds of the cemetery as he mowed the ground" and common sense would of told him to pick up the solar and place it on top of my M O T H E R S vault; my family and I would of understood more without all the animosity that came with broken hearts that crumbled into reality. My family and I can't fix what was broken, or its past that was so sentimental to us. We are owed an explanation and that's all that there was to it. 

My brother Wesley suggested that he would have a talk with the cemetery grounds keeper about my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light. I gave in my two cents to sum of the cause for Wesley to relay the message. I don't mean to be upset with the cemetery grounds keeper, but...I had a reason to be with every ounce in my body, heart and soul without tooT my haste. I questioned the thought. I said...and I quote, "What if...and I meant what if someone were to brake something that was sentimental to him?" 

Should this man cry wolf? I thought not! Because...when it came to our property value of my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light, I think that the cemetery grounds keeper should pay my family and I for our grief by saying "sorry" for the inconvenience, because... GOD know he wasn't going to pay us back for what broken in the base of our minds and in our hearts. My M O T H E R S solar hear can be replaced, but...my family I chose not too for its expensive, just it case it gets broken again. We did not want that fate on our conscience again with haste. All we want is peaceful beginnings as we move on with our lives as we see fit. 

I Am A Day Dreamer

 Book 190

I am a day dreamer; I am a dreamer of GOD and his son JESUS. I am a day dreamer when comes to my M O T H E R. I miss the ole girlfriends with all of my heart. She still fresh in my mind, in my heart, my soul, as I am part of her body she bore. My M O T H E R is in the hands of GOD and his son JESUS. She is without pain; she is not crying out of pain; no more dialysis for her to cleanse her blood. 

My M O T H E R is smiling with joy, nothing else in this this lifetime will make her sad with despair. She is living life in Heaven grand and Heaven I do worry to much about my M O T H E R, because I know that she is in perfect hands. My only problem is that I can't remove the thoughts of her presents here on earth. I would want her to return to despair, because her life is better where she is. My M O T H E R is living inside me through day dreams that keeps repeating day in and day out. 

She is hard to forget, because of the amount of love I still have for her. Memories from this "Legend of Love" will never faulter my mind, because she will always live in my heart strongly and boldly without an ounce of despair interfering with my thoughts of my M O T H E R. She is a legend of love by her own accord, because she touched so many lives every where she turned. A 360 degree circumference; she completes one full circle of her lifetime. It is now complete. 

My M O T H E R S journey is complete upon this earth. She earned her wings of faith, of love, and endurance. I can't touch that until I make it to Heaven. I am working on my life so that I see my M O T H E R again beyond this lifetime. 🕊 M O T H E R...rest well in the hands of GOD and his son JESUS, and of the kingdom of Heaven, where she will spend eternity. 🕊

A Real Family Coffee Cup Discussion

 Book 189

Luke 12:51 - 53 -  51. Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay, but rather division. 52. For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. 53. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. 

When you deal with the deception of certain family members, your whole gets turned upside down and inside out without a care in the world. My immediate family found that fate after the death of my F A T H E R. When it came to my M O T H E R, I know what deception was when she died and hardly no one from my extended family bothered to show up at her funeral. If ever a time when I needed to have real family members there, I would of been totally accommodated. What was left of my immediate family was my sister, my brother, and myself.

Hardly no one from our extended family gave my sister Sherri, my brother Wesley, and myself the courtesy to even show us some kind of sympathy to at least show up at our M O T H E R S funeral. "What was up with that?" Love for my sister, brother, and I was just a mystery in a maze that I didn't want to find my way through. Every door I came up to...was a door of uncertainty on the other the other side of it. There was no love for my M O T H E R Ruth, even with her death.

The full emptiness of the short presents of people at my M O T H E R S funeral, showed me how important Sherri, Wesley, and I really were to our extended family. We thank GOD and his son JESUS for the few extended family and friends we did have at our M O T H E R S graveside service. It goes to show who "family" really is. No coffee cup discussions necessary for those extended family members who didn't even bother to show up at my M O T H E R S funeral.

With this said, no coffee cup discussion is worth the hassle when you have people (extended family members) who really love you. That's fine if my M O T H E R S graveside service did have many people to come and pay their last respects to her. Our memories will always extend from the sky to the horizon for my M O T H E R. So "Rest up ole girl" because we love you forever and always. 

A Legend Of Love Always

 Book 188 - Special Edition Post

Proverbs 31:10 - 31 10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. 12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. 14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. 15 She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. 16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. 18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. 19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. 20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. 24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

This is one instance since I see myself in the shade of light. I continue to see my M O T H E R in spirit; I think of here in a constant nutshell. I hear her voice with every since of my hearing. She sounds like an angel flying around me while she watches over me day in and day out. I still can't fathom her gone away from me; immortal presents still get me every time I consistently think of her without every heartbreak I experience when I can see her, if it's just for one minute to every microsecond. 

M O T H E R...I miss you with everything I have in the world. Sherri and I can't seem to get you out of our minds no matter what we do. We look down the end of the road where she is buried and we think of her there laying in a coffin in silence without a word from her mortal body. We only see her in our hearts, minds, and our souls, if only we can have a chance to see her once again. Only GOD and his son JESUS will comfort our hearts with the thought of missing her and not being able to talk to her when we want to talk to her and carry on conversations with her.

Sherri and I are seeing psychologists to try and overcome our hurt and our broken hearts from our M O T H E R S death. I don't think anyone who haven't gone through losing a love one can understand what Sherri and I go through every single day without her presents. Not being able to talk to her, or being able to laugh with her, whenever we take a notion to. Our M O T H E R was all we had in the world. But...we know that she is in Heaven smiling down on us, including our brother Wesley who experiences everything we are going through day in and day out. 

I have never for sure seen my brother cry, but...when my sister in law Neyome conversed with me one day about my brother's hurt over our M O T H E R dying. She told me and Sherri, "It wasn't a pretty sight when she observed his hurt as loud as a person would scream out bloody murder." Neyome told us that our brother cried that entire day without a break. I for one could not bare to see that with my own eyes. It would kill me to my heart to see my brother cry out like he did. 

Now everyone can understand what a wonderful woman my M O T H E R were as a Legend of Love. She lived three score and ten years over. To me...that's a lot of living and a lifetime of memories to have of my M O T H E R. It was and is a blessing to have. 

The Wisdom Of Zachary

 Book 187 - Special Edition Post From Zachary To Me

Job 28:12-28 - 12. But where shall wisdom be found/? And where is the place of understanding? 13, Man knoweth not the price thereof; neither is it found in the land of the living. 14, The depth saith, it is not in me; and the sea saith, it is not with me. 15. It cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighted for thereof. 16. It cannot be valued with the gold of Ophir, with the precious onyx, or the sapphire. 17. The gold and the crystal cannot equal it. and the exchange of it shall not be for jewels of the gold. 18. No mention shall b made of coral, or of pearls for the price of wisdom is above rubies. 19. The topaz of Ethiopia shall not equal it, neither shall it be valued with pure gold. 20. Whence then cometh wisdom? And where is the place of understanding? 21. Seeing it is hid from the eyes of all living, and kept close from the fowls of the air. 22. Destruction and death say, we have heard the fame thereof with our ears. 23. GOD understandeth the way thereof, and he knoweth the place thereof. 24. For he looketh to the ends of the earth, and seeth under the whole heaven. 25. To make the weight for the winds, and he weigheth the waters by measure. 26. When he made a decree for the rain, and a way for the lighting of the thunder. 27. Then did he see it, and declare it, he prepared it, yea, and searched it out. 28. And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the LORD, that is wisdom, and to depart from evil is understanding.

 

I never thought I will hear wisdom by its character until I heard it from my son Zachary on this day April 3, 2021. I was having a terrible and an extreme bad patch about my M O T H E R. I was in shambles, not knowing what I was going to do without my M O T H E R in my presents. I cried out to my M O T H E R in a hurtful and painful cry, because I miss her so much. How my son's wisdom to acknowledge what he addressed to me started when my twin sister Sherri had told me what I had not expected her to say. 

She told me of the times our M O T H E R would just lay on her, not knowing that she was sick and fatigued from being sick, kind of struck a nerve in me almost immediately thinking that she was just fatigue, when in fact she was really sick. I cried for a brief moment thinking about the time our M O T H E R had also layed on my shoulder not knowing she was sick. It took all the strength out of me at that particular moment. I could not do anything else. I was stuck in that moment of grief knowing what I didn't know that my M O T H E R had suffered a sickness beyond the fact of her diabetes, her renal failure, and other things that was going on with her. 

I told my sister that I had to leave, because...I did not want to cry in front of her. I got up after Zachary had left out of my brother-in-law's mother's house to join him out in our car. I started to cried out for my M O T H E R in a rage, not out of anger, but...with a strong hurt in my heart, because of the thought of my M O T H E R laying on my shoulder, because...she was in fact sick, and that I miss my her so much knowing what I know now. Then all of a sudden...wisdom showed its face in a heartbeat through my son Zachary. What he said to me left me to only think twice about my grief for my M O T H E R. Here is what he told me! He told me this: "Mom...your M O T H E R is not hurting anymore and that she's not at the end of the road in just a grave, but...she is in the present of GOD and his son JESUS. My grandmother isn't hurting anymore. She would not want you to be grieving for her. She want you to celebrate her life as she lived it. Your M O T H E R had a mission on this earth like the rest of us. Her mission to live for the LORD is done and she was called home to GOD and his son JESUS. We too are not here for the long hall, we are here until our number is called. We are not here to stay." I was totally in shock of how much Zachary paid attention to thing I didn't know he was paying attention to.

Zachary gave me an ear full and then some about life. This 14 year old so full of wisdom to tell me what he told me is totally phenomenal. "I have a gift in Zachary!" A kid with Autism. I am never going to forget the awesomeness of his wisdom to me. 

I stopped crying immediately, and celebrated my M O T H E R S life when she was on this earth. It was like a reality check that my son had given me to think about. I will never doubt my son about what he knows about Christ our LORD, and his father, GOD. Zachary gave me an ear full and then some. All I could do is smile and accept what my 14 year old son had told me was nothing but the truth. 

I am never going to forget how wisdom got the best of my son in a awesome was to acknowledge. I am in celebration of my M O T H E R S life, even though...there will be some days that I will in fact cry out for my M O T H E R. And when I do, I am going think about the wise wisdom my son Zachary shared with me. It's a reality check from son to think about. I am very proud of him!

Fight My Battles For My F A T H E R Like A Toy Soldier

 Book 186 - Special Edition Post

1 Samuel 8:20 - 20. That we may be like all nations; and that our king may judge us, and go out before us, and fight our battles. 

2 Chronicles 32:8 - 8. With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is LORD our GOD to help us, and to fight our battles. And the people rested themselves upon the words of Hezekiah king of Judah.

Isaiah 30:32 - 32. And in every place where the grounded staff shall pass, which the Lord shall lay upon him, it shall be with targets and harps: and in battles of shaking will he fight with it. 

Step by Step, Heart to Heart...left right left, we all fall down, like Toy Soldiers. Whenever I hear that song, I think of my F A T H E R mostly, because...the woman who sung that song, lost her F A T H E R. It's very hard to fathom sometimes, because he is no longer here in my life, but...he will always be a part of the memories I have of him. "I will always treasure that unconditionally." I am hanging in there with every ounce of strength I have with every breath I take step by step, heart to heart for my F A T H E R. 

Left right left, I will not fall down in despair, grieve, and unhappiness like a Toy Soldier in this battle fought so hard through the last six months of my F A T H E R. "Who else can endure the kind of pain my family and I went through in one battle fought?" GOD and his son JESUS strengthen me and brighten me in my mind with all the tools I needed to win that battle for my F A T H E R in my pilots name sake. GOD and his son JESUS gave me the courage, the wisdom, and the talent to document without saying a word. The Toy Solider was left standing throughout everything it been through and won with an ounce of victory. With 427 battles fought, I was determined I give those battles to GOD and his son JESUS for my F A T H E R. 

Rest assure...my F A T H E R S story will continue to be true and told. There is justice for that solider known as my F A T H E R who has fallen, not by the wayside, but...in spirit so that he can rest in peace. I also think about my M O T H E R in the same way, and she could also rest assure that her story will also be told and is told in the present and in past tense in documentation without saying a word. I have a long way to go with fighting my battle 427 times for her. Rest assure...her story will be told in one heartbeat. 

There is no holding back in winning the battle 427 times 2 when it comes to loving the two people who are three years, four months apart from each other that I lost in my lifetime. I will not give into the battle I fought, because...GOD and his son JESUS are my captain from my latitude to my longitude, my battle will soon be a victory.