Walking Towards Redemption

Book 163

Proverbs 20:5 - 5. Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but...a man of understanding will draw it out. 

Psalms 69:14 - 14. Deliver me out of the more, and let me not sink: let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the deep waters. 

Caution: The identities of my niece and nephew are protected under the love I have for them. Readers discression advised! 


More likely, the force is with me in the matter of my status as a unloved aunt with a lot of emotions that has mentally engulped life as far as I saw it. Too much time has passed, and it seemed like nothing is getting better with my relationship with...especially my niece. My nephew on the other hand...still has mixed feelings about me, and the relationship is still a bit estranged in a whole lot of ways. They hardly talk to me about anything, no matter what that may be, they just don't talk to me period. They don't talk about their problems to me, nor do they give me a hint of what's going on in their lives.

What did I do to deserve such attitude? I know I've had some faults that I attend to address on my own, and with no fault of my own, but...will make available upon request. What I can suggest in the matter of my two silent parties (niece and nephew) is that I spot the complete ingredients of  selfishness, and a ton of non compassion for me from the both of them. I'm getting so tired of the silent, but...double silent drama. It has taken toll on my life as a mature adult who has been on the peak of the mountain, and I'm starting to climb down with a lot of caution that I don't get tripped up in my emotions that I feel.

What double webs are weaved several times over the doubts I feel? I questions it with a vengeance! And yet...I find myself in tears most of the time when I'm alone with these thoughts dancing around in my head. My steps are light as I continue to walk on egg shells when it comes to my niece and nephew's corrupt attitudes towards me. I know that someday, I will get answers, and why with my conscience they seem to carry this love/hate relationship with me.

My requiring mind really want to know why is this happening to me, after all I've done for my niece and nephew. And sometimes I wish that my twin sister and her husband would open their eyes and see the emotions I've dealt with concerning their children.

Tormented With Immediate Family Deception

Book 162

Matthew 5:38 - 39 - 38. Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for eye, and a tooth for a tooth; 39. But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil; but whosoever shall smite thee on they right cheek, turn to him the other also. 



Who knows what to do, or what to say about people you love so much. The word "family" mean so much to me. I couldn't fathom my family doing me, or mines wrong in a sense so logic, like my what my extended ex family did to my immediate family. You know...that extended ex family who deceived my immediate family in a way that was unfounded during the last six months of my FATHER'S sickness, and of his life. But...I don't want to get into that travesty, because...it's too painful to bare, and it's quite intolerable

I had an experience with a few of my "younger" family members, and I can't believe how they really act towards me, especially when its a love, and then a hate relationship. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking on egg shells with these two who seem to give me grief and heartbreak every chance they get. I choose not to enclose their names due to the extreme love I have. "No hate for them at all, because...they are my niece and nephew." What did I ever do to them?

I always question that logic.in a sense of understanding without judgement. But...you know, GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time when times are like this, and everything I'm going through. I found that my nephew in general loves to give out information to my niece...whenever something goes on in the apartment we're living. He spares no expense, nor a bet on "tattle tale" himself to death, if only a brief moment to my niece about what goes on, whether, or if anyone in the apartment is arguing about something, or they did something, my niece knows about. I found myself getting very upset about this deception my niece and nephew is carrying on. and I'm totally, and emotionally, and mentally tired of it. Even though...it's not my apartment, and I don't have any say over the renter of the apartment, but I'm considered the "older adult" surrounded by deception.

But...like I say, "GOD and his son JESUS is good all the time. Because...when I think of way they try to get rid of me and my son out of the apartment for what reason; I don't know, I still question why do they have this love...hate thing for me? The answers will come when consequences and repercussions gather at the crown of their heads to the soles of their feet. A brain is a terrible thing to waste these days. But...I pray that someday they will see the good in me that their blinded too; and to do this to their aunt, because...I'm set in my ways of how I do things, and it's that logic in itself is a fact of the matter.

I'm done! I'm at this very point of no return, and I'm very sick and tired of being treated like a martyr in the family, and this relic is too old, and it's rubbing off on my son Zachary. And 99.9% of the time, whatever happens, it's clearly not my fault, but...the fault of other who consistently provoke the situation and wants attention, while I get chewed out.  A few days ago, I acted out, not in haste, but...with heartbreak and hurt. You get sick and tired of being sick and tired! That's logical.

Where Is The Heart Of Home?

Book 161

Psalms 34:17 - 20 - 17. The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. 18. The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite. 19. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but...the LORD delivereth him out of a them all. 20. He keepeth all his bones; not one of them is broken. 

I'm wondering where is home going to be in a few weeks. A lot of people don't know what it's like to be in a position where you're put on the spot, once again, after 2nd of December 2019, my family and I had to move out of our double wide mobile home, due to the month to month status that we were secretly placed in when our landlord did not want to renew our lease back in September of 2019. We were considered homeless (since we didn't have "our" own roof anymore) to the point we had to move in with my niece Octavia, until we found another place to stay...so I thought. We've been with my niece for four months and one week exactly. My brother-in-law Lorenzo doesn't want to rent anymore.

He want to build a magnificent home for all of us to live. But...my family and I are placed in situation once again; it's like we're put on the spot of being homeless...once again. May 2nd is arriving very fast, and my niece Octavia will not be renewing her lease where we're all in residence, and there is so much for me to do and think about. My twin sister Sherri, her husband Lorenzo, their grand children: Ta'Neisha, Laila, Christian, and our mother Ruth, have a place to go, along with my niece Octavia. They will be residing with at my brother-in- law Lorenzo mother's home. For Zachary and I...we do have a place to go with my nephew Justin, but...it seems like my nephew really don't want us there (just saying...) because of a girl he wants there with him. Justin (for the time being) has no choice but to let Zachary and I reside temporarily at his new home, until my family and I magnificent home is built.

All we (my family and I) could do is put our hardships of moving around so much within four years, in the hands of GOD and his son JESUS to prepare us for what's ahead. There will be a lot of work to do in the time we have at Octavia's home. I'm dreading the big move after four months and one week, but...we (family and I) don't have any other options. Yes...it was Octavia's decision to do what ever she want to do, and that's to end her lease with the residence we've resided for months. "Our hardships are in GOD and his son JESUS hand!"

Home Is A Luxury

Book 160

Romans 16:26 - 26. But now is made, and by the scriptures of the Prophets according to the commandment of the everlasting GOD, made known to all Nation's for the obedience of faith.



Links To Main Website For #COVID19



My blessings is full of joy as I post. Staying home is a luxury due to the #COVID19 virus that's hitting us hard worldwide. Lots of people complain about staying home and being couped up with hardly nothing to do. "Praying to GOD and his son JESUS is totally nice to do, when their giving you another life to live during this deadly #COVID19 virus." Giving your life to our pilots for sparing you from getting the #COVID19 is a all time luxury to have, and is truly a blessing to be thankful for.

I wish people in general will take that to heart, instead of thinking only about themselves, and not giving thanks for their lives, health and strength, and living beyond the #COVID19 virus without any thought of being fearful of the disease, if they trust in GOD and his son JESUS to surround themselves with their shield of protection. It's not hard to fathom why this virus spands worldwide, but...you got remember this, "When our pilots are mad of how evil this world has become to the point their vengeance is released with a vengeance to let us all know, their not kidding about the possibilities of one gaining repentance for all of our sins, and the evil we've done in and around this globe, and unto others that are totally unfounded." If we're told to stay home for many reasons, '#COVID19' is the ultimate reason why we are secluded to our homes, or we pay the ultimate price for being hard headed, and not obeying this lock down that has gone into effect worldwide. Don't complain about things we as a Nation, and worldwide cannot change, even if we all wanted to do so. We can't get another life (if we survive with a miracle) the #COVID19 once it hit our bodies.

A whole lot has to be considered in this case. Obedience is a must! If our Governor's, Senators, down to our President say, "Stay home for your protection, then do as your told without uttering a complain about your freedom to wander when you want to, because you may just end up paying that ultimate price of someone who are randomly in our midst, and out there coughing on you and everyone without covering their mouths." Think of the logics of this matter, and stay home, because it's a luxury to do so. May GOD add a blessing to our souls, for the edification of our hearts. This is what we all need to correct and change for our protection.