Thinking About M O T H E R S Day Blues

 Book 199

John 16:22 - 22. And ye now therefore have sorrow; but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you

 

It is still fresh in our hearts, our M O T H E R S death. Grief has no season according to our reality when it comes to our M O T H E R. Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I long for our M O T H E R each day of our lives, never letting go of her is a hard thing to do right at this very moment I...myself...think of her without a break. I remember when I spoke to my brother just a few days ago. His whole conversation was about our M O T H E R. He said, "She just came across my mind all of a sudden, and it hit me very heart to the point I started crying." I never thought till this day I would hear my brother cry, being the man that he is. Our M O T H E R S death broke him down to a breaking point, missing her was totally a precious moment in all of our lives. 

My brother did not want to tell our Sherri about his break down being that she was epileptic. Our conversations was between Wesley and I. We were having a M O T H E R S day blues just shy of M O T H E R S Day. None of us could go out to our M O T H E R S grave, because it was too painful for us to visit her, knowing that she was no longer with us in our hearts, but in spirit. Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I pray about it from time to time, and maybe our grief will come a little bit more easy for us to bare. Like I always say, "Grief doesn't have a time limit" and I felt this hurt will always be with us the rest of our lives. 

We know that we are not the only ones experiencing a death in the family. But...prayer changes everything in its place. Sherri, Wesley Jr. and I will manage our grief one day at a time. 

Never A Day Missed I Don't Think About My M O T H E R

 Book 198

Exodus 20:12 -12.Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

What I share with ever one of my family members is the memories of a legend. "A Legend Of Love" my M O T H E R Ruth Ann Brunson. There is not a day I don't think about my M O T H E R. She is kind of tough to get over with every ounce in my body I can take. She was the light that shined bright in our hearts, and I will never forget the memories she left behind for us to cherish.

She was a soldier in the army of GOD and his son JESUS. All the battles my M O T H E R when through, my pilots fought them all for her so that she could have peace with in her heart, mind, and soul. She also stayed silent about the things that hindered her, but she didn't let foolish things get to her, no matter what the happened or who did it to her. My M O T H E R was a pro at letting things go without hate or haste. She prayed and prayed unconditionally to GOD and his son JESUS about the burdens that was instilled on her at that brief moment in her life. A soldier of our pilots above!

My Mother was a "Legend Of Love" and you can never get no better than that in a lifetime if you give your love unconditionally; even weathering the storm that blow you around like a piece of cardboard. My M O T H E R been through every possible storm there is to go through. 35 plus years was enough for my M O T H E R. "It was enough for her!" She can now rest in the glory of GOD and his son JESUS. I am thankful for that!

When You Know You're Talked About

 Book 197

Acts 26:31 - 31. And when they were gone aside, they talked between themselves, saying, This man doeth nothing worthy of death, or of bonds.

Mark 3:5 -  5. And when he looked round about them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other.

Romans 10:3 - 3. For they being ignorant pf GOD's righteousness, and going about to establish their own righteousness., have not submitted themselves unto the righteousness of  GOD.

Romans 3:23 - 23. For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of GOD.

No one can put nothing pass me If I know I'm being talked about. I am there in my head! But...you know what, "Sticks and stones, might break my bones, but...names will never hurt me in a flash." And...I do mean that from the heart. I do know that there is "one culprit" who's fueling it all to get everyone against me. I wasn't born yesterday, or the day after that. I am passed it with the abundance of common sense, and no one will take that away from me.

I gained that common sense from GOD and his son JESUS to know, and to see between every line that is shared and posted about me on social sites. "I'm not stupid by a long shot!" I know what I see without hearing about it word of mouth, and I am also tired of my M O T H E R S name used as a cop-out from their indiscretions. I am done with the people who are being stupid about things that don't make no sense when I'm not doing anything to them. Their indiscretions will send them to "Hell" if they don't stop doing what their doing. And...to say this, "The one culprit who is fueling the indiscretion, will send their offspring to Hell as well, if they don't stop using what was told to them against me."

This is why I let God and his son JESUS have it, because...I don't have time for nonsense, and people like the culprit, and the offspring to bring me down, and using my M O T H E R...once again as a cop-out. But let me tell about the offspring. The offspring acts as though it hurts to say, "Hello, or talk to about anything they want to talk to me about it." That's not right! To the culprit who is fueling these indiscretions to the offspring, "Woe beyond to them with a passion, if they're feeding the offspring indiscretions that makes no sense to place on their table, because...it's not only hurting them, but...it's hurting the offspring in this fiasco that will send both of them to Hell."

This is why I am telling it straight from my heart, because...I am tired of the offspring treating me like I am poison, and I am not there in presents in their eyes. I am tired of being ignored in the heart of the offspring. "I am also tired of the eye rolls too!" I am tired of the culprit using my M O T H E R as a cop-out for every sentence from their mouth every time I look around. 

Not Living In Persecution

 Book 195

Exodus 20:2-17 2. I am the LORD thy GOD, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. 3. Thou shalt have no other gods before me. 4. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. 5. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy GOD am a jealous GOD, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; 6. And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. 7. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy GOD in vein; for the LORD will not hold the guiltless that taketh his name in vain. 8. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. 9. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: 10. But the seventh day is the sabbath of the lord god: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: 11. For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and the rested seventh day: where for the LORD bless the sabbath day, and hallowed it. 12. Honour thy Father and thy Mother: that thy days be long upon the earth which the LORD thy GOD giveth thee. 13. Thou shalt not kill. 14. Thou shalt not commit adultery. 15. Thou shalt not steal. 16. Thou shalt not bear false witness against they neighbor. 17. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox l, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's.

Sometimes I feel like everyone is against me for no reason, nor did I give them a reason to be so judgemental against me. Even though my siblings, nephews, and especially my niece are on the outside; and trying to look inside my thoughts, and they have no clue about what's going on with me, or how I feel about things, or know the flavor of my Kool Aid. My issue run deeper than an open wound, and it seems like everyone loves to pick at it like the center of a nucleus. I am not trying judge anyone in my family, but it's the way I feel sometimes when I feel everyone trying to nit pick an argument up for no reason, and I haven't cause any haste, nor done anything to no one,  and I am truly convinced. Anytime I feel the way I feel when I think my family trying to get me frustrated, especially my sister Sherri, only to start a argument with me, I start to pray. 

And then...I think of my M O T H E R when these provocative occurrences of anger my family is trying to inflict on me for no reason what so ever. I remember times when I did my M O T H E R wrong out of haste. I wasn't a perfect child to her, and I don't bite my tongue when I tell the truth about it.  No one is perfect in their sense of character. I did apologize to my M O T H E R the day she went to glory. 

But...I'm still reaping the consequences and the repercussions for my indiscretions and actions against my M O T H E R. Then I think of the book of Exodus 20:12, "Honour thy Father and thy Mother: that thy days may be long upon the earth which the LORD thy GOD giveth thee." The bible is fulfilling itself at its entirety. I know what I had to go through, and pray about, before I could receive fully salvation, and be forgiven for my sins, and my sins against my M O T H E R. Back to my family! All I ever wanted from my family, was to fit somewhere in the equation, and like a missing piece of a puzzle.

If I did anything wrong to anyone, I would to tell my family: I am truly sorry in the name of JESUS, my LORD. My pilots know I do not want any more haste with my family, nor with anyone else. I made my peace with my M O T H E R before she went to glory, and I know she forgave me a long time ago. I just want to live holy; laugh with my family every chance I get, and love my family for every second of every minute I live on this earth. "That's my destiny in a way life that we all should be living in the mist of GOD and his son JESUS."

Memories And A GODSEND To Our Family

 Book 195

John 8:42 - 42. JESUS said unto them, if GOD were your father, ye would love me; for I proceeded forth and came from GOD; neither came I of myself, but he sent me. 

My family and I find ourselves thinking of our parents a lot more than we want to. The reason why I said it the way I did, is because it's been hard on all of us in a sense of grieving. Our parents are still fresh in our minds, no matter what. What it is to do with these memories? That's hard to answer right now as I post. 

Our M O T H E R is the hardest one to forget, because she was such a beautiful and sweet woman. She always gave all of us her signature smile, no matter what she's been through in her life. That smile shines brighter than a LED light. My brother seems to have it the hardest, because I believe when he watch our M O T H E R get buried, he never got over see it happen. I wished he wouldn't have saw that happen. He is experiencing a hard time right now as I post. 

My twin sister on the other hand; she don't want me to mention our M O T H E R until she does, because...she seems to have days where she is thinking of our M O T H E R constantly without a break. She get headaches every time our M O T H E R is mentioned, and that can cause her to have seizures at any moment. Sherri wants to be the one that mentions our M O T H E R when she feels the notion to do so. I have my days when I just start crying when I have a memory of my M O T H E R out of the blue come upon me. It's so hard on me some times I cry out of control. 

I have problems with my blood pressure shooting up every time I have an episode. I also find that my niece and nephews have that time in their lives where my M O T H E R (their grandmother) come across their minds. They cry out of control! Even the littlest of people in my family have their days too. No matter how young a person is, my M O T H E R had a greater affect on them. 

She left her mark with us, and it would be with us for the rest of our natural lives. Sherri and I would work in our vegetable and herb garden, and all we think about is our parents. We talk to them when we go out and work in our garden, our F A T H E R mostly, because he is part of the reason why we can grow a lot of things. Our F A T H E R farmed in his days, and he did quite well with it. "It was his passion, as it is for us." 

Sherri and I talk mostly to him when we are gardening. Our sister in law Neyome, she helps keep all of sane. She is a total GODSEND by GOD and his son JESUS Christ. Neyome is a beautiful soul indeed. Our family in Canada my M O T H E R also had quite an affect on them when she traveled there during the winter season. 

Parents have an amazing affect on everyone lives when they are no longer a part of the equation. If anyone has experienced otherwise, you would know especially how we feel as a family. 

Once Twice The Indiscretions

 Book 194 

Romans 5:9 - 11 - 9. Much more them being justified by his blood we shall be saved from draft through him. 10. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to GOD by the death of his son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life. 11. And not only so, but we also joy in GOD through our LORD JESUS Christ, by whom have now received the atonement. 

When a person like myself have a situation at hand when it comes to a sibling, you got to take the bitter with the sweet to get through the day without going crazy. This is how it is with me and my sister Sherri. She makes you so angry sometimes to a point, you want to peel her skull and not ruin her hair in the process. Yes, we are in a spat about WiFi Internet that I asked her nicely to for, Sherri acted like she didn't want me to access to it. I decided to go ahead and change my mind about having access to her WiFi Internet.

Then, all heck broke loose, because I changed my mind and decided to back out. I told her that, "I am not trying to start anything with her, but...I notice that she was not talking and that she looked like she wasn't feeling well." At that moment, Sherri had told me she had a headache. I was going to accept the fact that she had a headache, until she told me that I was evil, and that our M O T H E R was right about me being rough and mean to her. Sherri had brought back and opened up old wounds about my spats with our M O T H E R, that I simply apologized to her on her death bed, before she was released to the Kingdom of GOD. It seemed like every time we had a spat, she would throw our M O T H E R in my face about the spats we use to have. I felt that was wrong of her to do that to me, when I already made peace with my, before she died. 

Sherri other indiscretion was also throwing her husbands parents in my face so that they can get them upset with me for them to look at me any kind of way like I am trash. I wasn't going to take it anymore with my sister throwing people in my face, including our deceased M O T H E R because it was a low blow to me to use our M O T H E R in that manner. I told my brother Wesley about what she did. He was totally upset with Sherri that she would rehash and bring up old wounds about our M O T H E R and I having having spats, and throwing her husband Lorenzo parents in the mix to get them upset with me over our spat with each other. I wasn't going to take it no more with my sister throwing people in my face, the main one I loved so much in my face, because it was ludicrous, unfounded, and ignorant. 

That was when I started praying for Sherri about her actions, and the fact that she had a headache, and about the fact that I was concerned about her, because she wasn't talking at all throughout the morning. It was like she was taking her frustrations out on me, and accusing me for arguing with her and I wasn't raising my voice to her. I was totally shock at the way she was acting. I left well enough alone and let GOD handle her problem, whether if it was all of her medicine she's taking bothering her, or if she just had a bad attitude from the effects of her medicines. I don't know anymore! 

My whole demeanor had changed about her when it came to her throwing people, including our M O T H E R in my face, and then rehashing up old wounds. "I am done taking it!" 

What Is To Be Lonely In The Hospital

 Book 193 

John 8:16 - 16. And yet if I judge, my judgement is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.

I am informing everyone about my stay in the hospital 🏨 so that I can so I can basically get some kind of rest 🛌 and relaxation, besides catching bronchitis 😪👃👄👅 While I am recuperating from bronchitis, I am going to write about my feelings that I am experiencing 😐 I am really thinking about my M O T H E R and how she felt after her major stroke, and how she came through it was a true blessing 🙏🏾 What I am trying to say is about how she felt being alone for approximately two months after she was admitted to the hospital 🏨 during the the time 🕛 when COVID 19 was so bad during the early part of 2020 four months before her death 💀  I was starting to feel just like she felt 😢 alone and abandoned 😣 Now I know the feeling when family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 can't come to visit 🕥  

Only one person can come to visit me, mask included 😷 No other family member can visit 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 This is the rules that the hospital 🏨 set to keep everyone safe, even if everyone who has gotten vassenated 💉for COVID19 Virus 💀 M O T H E R was alone throughout her stay in the hospital 🏨 No one could visit her at all, because of the effectiness and the extent of the COVID19 virus during the early part of 2020 💀 So I can imagine my M O T H E R feeling alone and succluded from her family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

This is the way I feel, and it doesn't feel good at all 😣 I really miss my family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 even though, it's only been only three days since I have been hospitalized 🏨 I hope I never feel the fate of being alone again, because it's a bad feeling to feel when you don't have your family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 near you for support 👩‍❤️‍👨 and during the time 🕥 when you're down and out; like my M O T H E R was 😣 Only the hospital staff became her makeshift family 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 a little before she before she died in their presence 💀 I still could not get close to my M O T H E R even though when I was finally allowed by the hospital 🏨 to see her just before the doctors and nurses removed her from life support 💀 

I am waiting to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 even though my M O T H E R didn't get that opportunity to be discharged from the hospital 🏨 I am blessed 🙏🏾 to have the opportunity to go home 🏡 to recuperate there 😃 I feel that my M O T H E R really didn't die 💀 alone, but with the presence of Christ, my LORD 🙏🏾 she wasn't alone, and she was at peace ✌🙌 I feel good about that 😊

Broken With Sentimental Value

 Book 191 - Special Edition Post 

Psalms 147:3 - 3. He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

How can anyone break something so "Sentimental" to us? This was a heart that wasn't meant to be broken for 8 years past its expiration date. Then you have someone at the cemetery where my M O T H E R is buried, brake what was sentimental and precious to me and the rest the family. "What does it take for someone to care about someone's property?" Maybe so...that one day, someone will care about the dead in GOD and his son JESUS, and the family who gave great thought in placing a "heart" that was beautifully engraved with the most beautiful name in the world to me, Ruth Ann Brunson. 

I was so hurt when I saw my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light when my brother in law Lorenzo brought from the cemetery. I got to admit, I was pretty upset with the cemetery grounds keeper for breaking my M O T H E R S heart solar light. He said, "That there was to be nothing stuck in the grounds of the cemetery as he mowed the ground" and common sense would of told him to pick up the solar and place it on top of my M O T H E R S vault; my family and I would of understood more without all the animosity that came with broken hearts that crumbled into reality. My family and I can't fix what was broken, or its past that was so sentimental to us. We are owed an explanation and that's all that there was to it. 

My brother Wesley suggested that he would have a talk with the cemetery grounds keeper about my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light. I gave in my two cents to sum of the cause for Wesley to relay the message. I don't mean to be upset with the cemetery grounds keeper, but...I had a reason to be with every ounce in my body, heart and soul without tooT my haste. I questioned the thought. I said...and I quote, "What if...and I meant what if someone were to brake something that was sentimental to him?" 

Should this man cry wolf? I thought not! Because...when it came to our property value of my M O T H E R S broken heart solar light, I think that the cemetery grounds keeper should pay my family and I for our grief by saying "sorry" for the inconvenience, because... GOD know he wasn't going to pay us back for what broken in the base of our minds and in our hearts. My M O T H E R S solar hear can be replaced, but...my family I chose not too for its expensive, just it case it gets broken again. We did not want that fate on our conscience again with haste. All we want is peaceful beginnings as we move on with our lives as we see fit.