Hosea 6:6 - 6. For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of GOD more than burnt offerings.
Romans 12:1 - 2 - 1. I Beseech you therefore, brethren by the mercies of GOD, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto GOD, which is your reasonable service. 2 And be not conform ed t this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable, and perfect will of GOD.
Hebrews 10:5 - 18 - 5. Wherefore when he cometh into the world , he saith, Sacrifice and offering thou wouldeth not, but a body hast thou prepared me. 6. In Burnt Offerings and Sacrifices for sin thou hast had no pleasure. 7. Then said I Lo I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me) to do thy will, O GOD. 8. Above when he said, sacrifice and offering and burnt offering and offering for sin thou wouldest not, neither hadst pleasure therein; which are offered by the law. 9. Then said he, Lo, I come to do thy will, O GOD He taketh away the first that he may establish the second. 10. By the which will we are sanctified through the offering of the body of JESUS Christ once and for all. 11. And every priest standeth daily ministering and offering oftentimes the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. 12. But this man, after he had offered one sacrifice for sins for ever, sat down on the right hand of GOD. 13. From henceforth expecting till his enemies be made his footstool. 14. For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified. 15. Whereof the Holy Ghost also is a witness to us; for after that he had said before. 16. This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days saith the LORD I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds will I write them. 17. And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more. 18.Now where remission of these is there is no more offering for sin.
I keep seeing her (my ex. aunt) as a reminder of what happened almost a year ago this coming June. I will never forget what she did to my family when my father was alive. So many thoughts entered my mind, I got crazy just thinking about my state of mind, because my father's death is still fresh in my mind and he's never coming back again; so are my feelings of unstableness. I pray everyday for comfort, hope, strength and deliverance from my rage. I remember in a post I wrote about vengeance.
"Vengeance is GOD! That was not my fight continue my vengeance against my ex. aunt. I pray I don't see in the street, or in a store somewhere, or just out in the open somewhere. I'm afraid of myself sometimes. Afraid of what might happen, or what I might do if I saw her. GOD and his son JESUS and prayer is the answer to my indiscretions.
I think it's going to take a whole lot of time to deal with my feelings about my ex. aunt. I'm not the only one who have those feelings of rage. My twin sister, Sherri and I still carry the feeling of emptiness, that void of missing our father inside of us. For us...it's very personal! We recently found out where all the pieces of the puzzle of deception fit when Sherri and I started reliving the past from a few event that happened almost ten years ago when my father started his business.
We remembered a time when my father first started his business in a restaurant. He was partnered with his brother, Alfonzo. I remeber a time when business wasn't all cracked up to be when you weren't getting as much business throughout the week. Business boomed only on the weekends. Never Monday through Friday when Sherri, her daughter Octavia and I worked at the restaurant throughout the week.
We would at least get three, or four people to come into the restaurant throughout the week during the eight hours we were open; only to find out that the restaurant stayed packed with people on Saturdays and Sundays. That was the time my uncle Alfonzo and a woman named Barbara Dixon worked in the restaurant. I found out that my ex. aunt had everyone from her church to come and eat at the restaurant only on the days my uncle and Barbara was working the restaurant. Not during the week. From that point we determined where deception really started for us was when my father first started his business into his own restaurant.
My ex. aunt made sure no one came during the week Sherri and I ran the restaurant. And then...we remembered a time when we found out that my ex. aunt planned my father's retirement party. "Sherri, our brother Wesley, my mother Ruth and I weren't told about my father's retirement party at all until the day and until the hour of my father's party." One of my other aunts had to inform my immediate family of the event that was already in progress during that particular moment. Mother didn't want to attend, because of her and my father's separation.
She did wanted Sherri, Wesley and I to attend our father's retirement party that my ex. aunt planned without my siblings and I knowing it was a party for our own father. We arrived not knowing what to expect. Although my mind was weary of what I may find out at my own father's retirement party planned by my ex. aunt; Sherri, Wesley and I saw all of my cousins wearing t-shirts with our father's face embed on their chests. They were all hosting and serving food, while we were wondering why they had a shirt with my father's face embed on their chests and we didn't. Everything that was ever done, were underhandedly done by my ex. aunt as we know it.
"Now...all the pieces to the puzzle of deception fit snug and nicely." Sherri and I now know where the first signs of our ex. aunts deception started. Our father's business, his restaurant. The more I think about everything that has happened from the time my father had his restaurant back in June 2008, to his retirement party back in February 2012, unto the time of his sickness which started back as early as January until June 2016, then unto his death December 4, 2016, I get extremely upset knowing that my ex. aunt had this kind of grudge against my immediate family every since I could remember. "Vengeance is GOD and his son JESUS!" No matter how much hurt and rage I have, I give it all to my pilots.
The fight is in their hands now. Sherri and I know where our strength is once again and we're a living witness to our testimony when it comes to our strength in stepping back and letting GOD and his son JESUS fight this bitter battle we're still inlisted not to participate, only my GOD and his son JESUS. If it takes sacrificing a burnt offering such as certain family members for my twin sister Sherri and I to stay sane from our continued grief for our father in order to forget what happened. I usually wouldn't take a sacrifice such as a burnt offering, because I need mercy and to be fulfilled. Not to be angry all the time, or always in complete rage for everything that has happened since my father's death. My father was and still is the bloodline of Brunson who meant everything to my immediate family and I...I want no part of my bloodline since my father closed his eyes for good. That's the sacrifice I'm willing to take.
If it will make Sherri and I happy and smile again without crying and going back in the past, we will sacrifice "some" family members (not killing them physically, but mentally and emotionally) for a real one (our Sri-Lankan side), because our immediate family were never happy with some of our blood extended family who never gave us the time of day anyway. Well...I can say that only a few made the cut for remaining to be my extended family, because of their love and support during my immediate family time of despair and tragedy. I'm very thankful for that. I pray that GOD and his son JESUS will continue to give my immediate family comfort, strength, faith and hope that our healing process from father's death will continue.
